Vaginismus: Not So Weird

Even after years of doing this work, it still pains me deeply to see the behind-the-scenes of a couple coping with vaginismus.  Vaginismus is one of those conditions that, upon hearing about it for the first time, it sounds bizarre to people; some obscure condition you’d read about in a magazine or book. Can’t have …

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Cleaning Under the Rug

One of the most common challenges facing relationships is finding time and communication avenues to explore issues that are difficult to speak about. Consequently, issues get swept under the rug, though they continue to fester and prop up at various moments.  Sex is one of those topics that couples struggle with creating a space to …

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You’re More Beautiful Than You Think

Dove has done some amazing work in helping women feel better about their bodies. This experiment is one of my favorite ones. It really highlights how much body image can be distorted, and what happens for people when they become aware of it in an obvious way.  Having a good sex life is more than …

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Imagine…

Imagine if you could tell someone how you really feel when they ask, “how are you?” Imagine if there wasn’t shame in having relationship challenges. Imagine if there was more normalizing in getting help. Imagine if you looked in the mirror and thought, hey, I’m good just the way I am. Imagine if people loved …

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In a Fight with Your Vagina

Imagine a friend who starts flaking on your plans with no real explanation.  After a continued pattern, you get fed up and decide that you are no longer going to make any plans with her and set yourself up for disappointment. There may have been positive memories of the past, times where you really enjoyed …

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The Challenges of Sexuality in Marriage

If I had to sum up the challenges of sexuality in marriage, it would be a borrowed quote from Dr. Jack Morin, author of “The Erotic Mind”. He defines eroticism as “the interplay of sexual arousal with the challenges of living and loving.” What are challenges of living that can get in the way of sexual …

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That’s What HE Said

I’m proud of our Vaginismus Forum. Vaginismus can be a heartbreaking condition to deal with and the shame around it adds some real salt to the wound.  So the fact that we have a place where people can go where vaginismus language is understood, it’s a drink of water in a desert of silence. Recently, …

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Grieving Sex

Grief is an experience that is hard to quantify or explain.  It doesn’t work in the usual confines of time and space.  It’s a unique experience, yet shared by humanity.  The New York Times recently published an article on grieving a sex life after a partner dies. It was an important conversation starter.  I thought …

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Riding through Life

Among the many myths that come along with marriage is the notion that once the search is over, the work over.  That once you finally find that person, you can take a breath of relief, because the hard part is behind you.    Some people experience some ‘beginner’s luck’ in the beginning of a relationship: …

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Out of the Box

Sigmund Freud was an Austrian neurologist and one of the most influential thinkers in the field of psychology today. Among his contributions to the field is the formulation of what are called ‘defense mechanisms’.  In lay terms, defense mechanisms are internal “security guards” inside of us whose goal is to protect us from experiencing pain and …

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