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Thanks for the replies. I’ve heard great things about both coconut and Vitamin E oil, but I’d be hesitant about using an oil-based moisturiser too regularly as I’m not on birth control right now and I’ve heard the oils may be damaging to condoms. I’ve been using Yes as a lubricant when dilating and I’ve read it’s beneficial as a moisturiser too so I’ve started using that a little more!

A lot of the online advice however seems to be directed at menopausal women, but I’m only 23 – is this very unusual?

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On the topic of kegels: they were recommended to me as part of my therapy for (secondary) vaginismus. My psychosexual therapist advised I do them several times a day before starting dilator treatment. Although I don’t do them so much now during the day, they’ve actually helped me a fair bit with dilating and with attempting penetrative sex – contracting and releasing the muscles can help during the process of penetration. I think I was initially advised them as part of my treatment because it allowed me to regain a feeling of ‘control’.

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Thanks very much for the replies. The treatment I am taking is a little different to that of a lot of the women on here – for example I am using plastic dilators and not glass ones. My psychosexual therapist advised over the last year as I progressed that I try to start practise with larger and larger dilators, and also that it might be good to practise without depending on artificial lubrication, and these steps seem to be working for me. I have secondary and not primary vaginismus and have had a lot of penetrative sex in the past, so this probably makes it a little different! However I am aware that plenty of women use lubricant and that it’s not a bad thing at all, I just like the idea of not needing it all the time!

Thank you for the replies 🙂

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Congratulations, how amazing. I hope all three of you are doing great. xx

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Although I use plastic dilators and not glass ones, I know what you mean – I can’t wait to get to the stage where I can insert the larger ones straight away, but I’m not quite there yet!! My psychosexual therapist has told me it takes a bit of time, which is to be expected. We all know patience is a very important part of this, but in the meantime try to focus on how far you’ve come with the dilators already.

Personally I can’t say I’ve particularly felt more pain or discomfort while on my period – tbh the extra lubrication makes dilating easier – but because we are extra sensitive at that time it’s probably normal, and like Nakitalab said if your musces are just aching on their own that could have something to do with it.

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That’s so brilliant, congratulations Becca. 🙂 I’ve taken a different road of treatment myself but I’d say everything you’re feeling is perfectly natural. It’s going to be great though!!

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You don’t have to go under the procedure before using the dilators. Like you, I had sex with no problem for years before developing secondary vaginismus (which came from us having nowhere comfortable to have sex for a long time) but I’ve been using the dilators for nearly six months now and things have improved so much!!
My boyfriend has been very supportive but this has caused some problems in our relationship and I can imagine how hard it must be for you feeling like your fiancé doesn’t believe you. Remember it’s not your fault – you have no reason EVER to feel guilty or bad. Is there anyway you could get your doctor to recommend you to a therapist or counsellor about this?? I know I’m in Ireland so it may be a little different but I went through the public health system and am getting Psychosexual Therapy free of cost – the waiting list was long but it was worth it, definitely. Could you do something like this??

Either way remember that we are always here to support you, and that this problem will NEVER be bigger than you. Stay strong. xx

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Congratulations, what a brilliant achievement 🙂

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Thanks very much for the replies.

My therapist actually gave me a sachet of Yes lube to try, and I liked it a lot – though I was using the oil-based one and we’d need a water-based one for use with condoms. The trouble with being in Ireland is I’d have to order most lubricants online!

I was able to have penetrative sex this morning with the use of ‘Liquid Silk’ – expensive but MUCH more effective than KY. I didn’t experience pain the way I often would have before (which makes me think it probably was a lubrication issue) but after a while I had to stop because I was feeing uncomfortable – I know the ‘need to urinate’ sensation is not uncommon during sex for women but I’m not sure how to bypass it…??

Also I’ll try dilating for a bit longer next time – we used three dilators today and left each in for about five minutes but hopefully longer will help.

Again thanks so much to both for the advice. 🙂

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I’ve vaguely discussed it with a friend who I don’t really talk to anymore. I’d love to be able to talk about it with more people but I don’t think that’ll be happening for the moment..

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That is brilliant, congratulations 😀 I’m not quite near that stage yet but hopefully will be at some point!

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Heya, I’ve actually had the same problem and I think it’s because I tend to end up a little ‘drier’ inside by the time I’m ready to take the dilator out. What I try and do, apart from using more lube, is pull out the same way I push in – with kegels. I squeeze and release, and on the release it’s easier to pull out the dilator a little bit. Try it and it’ll hopefully help. 🙂

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Hey Rainey, nice to meet you… your story sounds a bit like mine! I had sex regularly and with different people between the ages of 17 and 20 no problem (I’m almost 23 now) but a while into my relationship with my current boyfriend I developed this problem – probably as a result of us both living with families and find it very difficult to find anywhere to have sex when we can relax and be comfortable. It’s so frustrating when it was never a problem before.
Just want to say that I’ve been attending Psychosexual Therapy since March and using the dilators since June and I have already been able to see some progress – it’s a slow process but I’m staying confident that it’ll work. We just have to stay optimistic, but personally I refuse to believe that this is a lifelong problem for me. Stay strong.x

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Best of luck with it all Kim. Everyone here is behind you all the way (: x

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No, I’ve been dealing with it since somewhere in early 2011, but I’ve only been getting treatment since around April of this year. However I’ve already progressed a huge amount with the treatment, it’s been such a help. The botox treatment does seem to be very effective but I agree, it would probably cost a bomb for us. I’d definitely recommend hanging on in there, although I know a lot of patience is needed on the public system, and seeing what can be done with the dilators here, as they do work very well for most people . It just takes a bit of time! I know I’m the same – all my close friends are guys as well and it’s just not the kind of thing you can chat about! My boyfriend’s been very supportive here but although he’s great at having an imaginary vagina to empathise with, it’s just not the same as being able to chat to other women 😛

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