Sex without dilating and natural lubricant

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. I am now 2+ years post-procedure. For the longest time following my procedure, I always dilated with either pink or blue (pure romance) dilators prior to intercourse. I just felt like I had to and was scared and nervous to try intercourse without doing this first. I also always used excessive lubricant b/c, again, I had done this from the very beginning post-procedure and felt afraid to try without it. I think I was the most scared of both spontaneous sex and not using lubricant because my brain was saying “this is what always works” and it’s so common to fear the unknown. Then, one evening, the hubby and I had a really, really good date. We both dressed up and very important for me, I felt connected and close to him which made me desire him that much more and really look forward to being intimate with him once we returned home. So, once we got home, we just started making out without my normal preparation (i.e. dilating, super lubricating, etc.) and then went for it and it was surprisingly and so happily very enjoyable. I did not dilate in advance and apparently, had natural lubricant that I never knew I had. It was the first time I hadn’t used excess lubrication. What was so important for me here is I didn’t have the time to really think about it or I believe I would’ve worried it to death and returned to what was normal for me then (i.e. dilating/excess lube). Now, we have fun intercourse without dilating in advance and sometimes, with only natural lubricant. Sometimes, I do choose to return to using lubricant and use pre-seed. Has anyone else not used lubricant with spontaneous sex? Has this worked for you? Would you ever recommend it to others?

[Nakitalab]

That is so awesome, Heather! I’m far from there yet, with my one year mark in a few weeks. I’m not dilating every night and sleeping with one every other night anymore. Sometimes it seems life is so busy that I only dilate right before intercourse which right now is only once a week with hubby working out of town. Spontaneous is a huge goal for me and some day I hope to be there. I’m sure most of it is in my mind as I have no pain with intercourse. Since I had it for so many years, in the back of my mind a little voice creeps out and says…it’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt. And it doesn’t but the thought of not dilating and using a lot of lubricant scares me. I’m a work in progress but look forward to the day when we can be spontaneous. I’m so happy that you and your husband can be!

[Bitesize]

That is brilliant, congratulations 😀 I’m not quite near that stage yet but hopefully will be at some point!

[JS622]

Hi my name is Julie and I am new to the forum. I am currently single and have set my appointment for this February. This is so exciting, but I am nervous because it is taking over a year for some women to be able to have spontaneous sex? Is that for everyone? Oh man I am going to dilate a lot. I want to overcome the anxiety until I meet a guy.

[Heather34]

Hi Julie. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so, so excited that you have found Dr. Pacik and this Forum and that you have your appointment coming up in February. This is absolutely wonderful news and very, very exciting. Regarding your question about being able to have spontaneous sex, it is truly different for each and every person and, as such, the time frames always vary.

I wanted to share one particular story from a patient that was treated in July 2012. Excerpts from her post include:

“I had my surgery in early July 2012. My cousin attended with me… and after surpassing the initial nerves, I felt comfortable and great in NH during and after the procedure. Getting used to the dilation process was interesting… and stressful in the beginning, but I was determined to make progress and follow through on Dr.P’s program. I was dating someone casually before going NH and chose not to burden him or us with talk of vaginismus… prior to my trip, I was very “loose” and escaped any opportunity to get extremely physical with him. Prior to going to NH, I was also unable to insert a q-tip in, and had what Dr.P prescribed as stage 4 vaginismus, that I believe was/is largely due to abuse when I was younger and my own anxiety… all of which resulted in never having been able to achieve penetration. Upon returning from surgery, I was determined and continued with the program. I got purple in, pink and got blue in only a few times with lots of difficulty. My muscles were extremely tight and Dr. P mentioned that it would take me a while to stretch them out with dilation. A little less than a month after surgery, I had the opportunity to spend some time with the guy I was seeing and although I was nervous (about vaginismus, not about him) I pretended that “it’d had been a while” and I wanted to take it slow. He totally understood and we were able to achieve penetration on our “first” physical night, with little pain, lots of excitement and a lot of fun! Since then, it’s been getting better as I’ve learned to understand what I like, feel less nerves and become a bit more open with myself… he still has no idea about my struggles with vaginismus, and every now and then comments on how much better it is “now that we know each other”. I sometimes dilate a bit before I see him, but sometimes I don’t if I don’t have much time. He likes it because it feels “tighter” and I am able to now enjoy the experience either way…”

I am, again, so, so, so excited for you to have the procedure coming up in February and I know it is going to go so well. Please know that we are all here to support you in your journey of overcoming vaginismus which WILL happen!!!!

[JS622]

Hi Heather!
Thank you for sharing that story and those positive words. I needed that. I guess it’s just a bit of self
doubt and of course my anxiety. I really look forward to my procedure, and I am glad to use this forum to all any questions I might
have in the future. Currently I am single, and I am thinking positive about my journey- whether I met someone soon, or somewhere down the road. It ought to
be interesting, and I cannot wait to see the results.

[Heather34]

I am so very excited for you Julie!!!! :):):):)