successful penetration… but pain after a minute or two..??

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    So I have secondary vaginismus and have been using plastic dilators since June. My boyfriend and I have very few opportunities to have sex and work on this, but we have managed a couple of times in the last two months to have penetrative sex after using the dilators and plenty of lube. However I find that though it feels ok for a couple of minutes – and we’re careful to take it slow, frustrating as it can be for him – it starts feeling uncomfortable and painful quite quickly and I have to stop. My sex therapist suggested that this could be a lubrication problem – we’ve been using KY jelly and she suggested switching to a more effective and longer lasting lube.

    Has anyone else experienced this issue??


    Hi Bitesize, my Irish friend. I always love reading your posts. I haven’t experienced what you describe per se, but I have a couple of thoughts.

    First, there is an excellent thread that describes patient’s reactions to many different types of lubricants out there, including YES which is a personal favorite:

    Timing. You wrote “it starts feeling uncomfortable and painful quite quickly and I have to stop.” I wonder if it would help to dilate for a longer period of time in advance of intercourse. Everybody is different, but this helped me so much. In the beginning post procedure, I dilated in advance of intercourse for a couple of hours and liberally used lubricant and did not experience pain because I was already stretched from the 2 hours prior. Another thing that may help is to imitate intercourse (i.e. thrusting) with the larger sized dilators or vibrator in advance of intercourse with a lot of lubricant. This, too, helped us.

    Ladies, do you have any further ideas here???

    Dr. Pacik

    I would recommend dilating for about one hour with one of the larger dilators before intercourse. This by itself should allow you to be more comfortable.
    I would also use a different lube. KY jelly contains alcohol and can cause burning. Also try to use lubes that are parabens free (the preservative in lubes that can cause irritation) such as parabens free Slippery Stuff. Let us know how you are doing.


    Thanks very much for the replies.

    My therapist actually gave me a sachet of Yes lube to try, and I liked it a lot – though I was using the oil-based one and we’d need a water-based one for use with condoms. The trouble with being in Ireland is I’d have to order most lubricants online!

    I was able to have penetrative sex this morning with the use of ‘Liquid Silk’ – expensive but MUCH more effective than KY. I didn’t experience pain the way I often would have before (which makes me think it probably was a lubrication issue) but after a while I had to stop because I was feeing uncomfortable – I know the ‘need to urinate’ sensation is not uncommon during sex for women but I’m not sure how to bypass it…??

    Also I’ll try dilating for a bit longer next time – we used three dilators today and left each in for about five minutes but hopefully longer will help.

    Again thanks so much to both for the advice. 🙂


    Hi Bitesize, I have found that if I dilated for at least an hour prior to intercourse with lots of lubrication it not only helped prepare me for intercourse, but it stretched me so that it was pain free and as well it really helped me mentally with my confidence level that I could have something inside of me without having pain, which that in itself was so helpful. Having that confidence helped my mind prepare my body by not tensing up expecting pain. Sending you a big hug. You are doing great!

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