Question about dilating

[bosox2004]

Hey everyone,

I have been faithfully dilating for 2 hours every day for almost 2 months now. My daily dilation schedule looks like this for both AM and PM:

Glass 4 – 10 minutes
Glass 5 – 20 minutes
Glass 6 – 20 minutes
Glass 7 – 10 minutes
Sleep with Glass 4 every other night
Anxiety is 0 for all and pain level is usually 0 except for every now and then with 7 and then I would say it’s pain level 1

While I feel like I’m making great progress, I have the following questions:

1. Is it normal to feel pain/uncomfortableness while dilating on/near your period? I seem to get pain even from glass 4 around this time. By pain I mean that when the glass dilator is fully inserted, it feels like it’s rubbing something raw/stretching – does this make sense?

2. I know I’m not supposed to do this, but I figured I’d try inserting Glass 7 without dilating with any others just to see if I could – I could not. 🙁 I’m a little depressed because I was really hoping by now I could just insert Glass 7 without having to do 4, 5, & 6 because my husband is close to Glass 7 in size. Does this ever happen? Will I ever be able to insert Glass 5, 6, or 7 without first dilating with Glass 4? I’m very grateful I can insert all 4 of them but was hoping to be able to just insert them on their own by now. Was I wrong to expect that?

Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks and hang in there. 🙂

[Janet Pacik]

I have never had vaginismus, but I am post menopausal and so I do use the glass dilators from time to time. Whenever I dilate, I always start with the #4 and progress to the #5 and then the #6. If I start with the #6, I would not be able to do that either. Think about it this way — when you are involved sexually with your partner, it is always best to have some sort of foreplay to get yourself ready for intercourse. The #4 and #5 is like foreplay.

[Nakitalab]

Hi Bosox, I have always had to start with #4 and progress to #5 and then #6, up until a few months ago. Now I able to start with #5 and progress to #6. Like you I have tried to go straight to #6, even recently (I had my procedure in October 2012) and am not able to do it. I’ve decided that its just not worth me getting frustrated and feeling bad about myself by even trying it anymore. I like Janet’s analogy that it is like foreplay and #4 and #5 helps our body get ready for #6 and likewise #6 helps you to get ready for #7. That is awesome that you are able to use #7. I purchased it but have never been able to use it. I decided that since my husband is more like #6 that it really wasn’t necessary for me to keep trying. Again, I was beating myself up when it wasn’t working. You are doing such a great job with the dilators, but please know your body likes to have #4, #5 and then #6 to get ready for #7. Like Janet I am post menopausal and not able to answer question #1. But I do remember that when I was on my period my muscles kind of ached on their own. You are making awesome progress, Bosox!!!!

[Bitesize]

Although I use plastic dilators and not glass ones, I know what you mean – I can’t wait to get to the stage where I can insert the larger ones straight away, but I’m not quite there yet!! My psychosexual therapist has told me it takes a bit of time, which is to be expected. We all know patience is a very important part of this, but in the meantime try to focus on how far you’ve come with the dilators already.

Personally I can’t say I’ve particularly felt more pain or discomfort while on my period – tbh the extra lubrication makes dilating easier – but because we are extra sensitive at that time it’s probably normal, and like Nakitalab said if your musces are just aching on their own that could have something to do with it.

[Heather34]

Quote:

Quote from bosox2004 on January 8, 2014, 10:27

1. Is it normal to feel pain/uncomfortableness while dilating on/near your period? I seem to get pain even from glass 4 around this time. By pain I mean that when the glass dilator is fully inserted, it feels like it’s rubbing something raw/stretching – does this make sense?

2. I know I’m not supposed to do this, but I figured I’d try inserting Glass 7 without dilating with any others just to see if I could – I could not. 🙁 I’m a little depressed because I was really hoping by now I could just insert Glass 7 without having to do 4, 5, & 6 because my husband is close to Glass 7 in size. Does this ever happen? Will I ever be able to insert Glass 5, 6, or 7 without first dilating with Glass 4? I’m very grateful I can insert all 4 of them but was hoping to be able to just insert them on their own by now. Was I wrong to expect that?

Hi bosox. Please know that we are all here to support you and you are making wonderful progress!!!

Concerning, your first question, I have always felt much more sensitivity with dilating and intercourse in the day immediately prior to my period and a day or 2 afterwards and then this goes away. I never dilated and I do not currently have sex on my period b/c it is very heavy but, again, in the days near it, I always experience a lot of increased sensitivity.

Concerning your second question, I agree with Janet and Nakita. While dilating, I was never able to just start with big blue (pure romance). Even if it was just 5-10 min, I always started with purple and pink and then went to blue. It is similar with intercourse. I could not imagine my hubby just immediately inserting himself without the stuff we do leading up to intercourse, including kissing, touching, and dilating fun with the new Crystal Bullet Twist Dilator. The combination of things prepares me both physically and mentally for intercourse.

Please know that you are doing very, very well. I am here for you always and send huge hugs!!!

[Kitten]

Concerning your question about #2.. I use a set of five plastic dilators as opposed to seven glass dilators, but I hope you’ll still consider my thoughts on this one!

I would consider not being able to use a larger dilator without insertion of smaller dilators beforehand as normal, and just another STEP on the journey to being able to use a larger dilator by itself. For example, if I were to start with size 3 in my set of five plastic dilators, the step-by-step journey would look something like this:

Step 1: Insertion of size 3 by itself
Step 2: Insertion of size 3, then insertion of size 4
Step 3: Insertion of size 4 by itself
Step 4: Insertion of size 4, then insertion of size 5
Step 5: Insertion of size 5 by itself

Speaking here as someone on step 4, it may be disheartening to think about how I can’t insert size 5 by itself without it hurting more than if I inserted size 4 beforehand. So instead, I think of it this way – There once was a time when inserting size 3 by itself hurt. There once was a time when inserting size 4 by itself hurt. I’ve progressed past those points, though!

ALSO, my doctors told me a very helpful thing: In terms of having to use smaller sizes before insertion of a larger size, it’s not like you’re going to have nothing to “prepare” you when you have sex, either. Sex should have 15 to 20 minutes of foreplay beforehand. In a way, you can think, “smaller dilators before larger dilator = foreplay before sex”. Whenever you feel disheartened by not being able to insert glass 7 right away, just think about how it’s unrealistic to have penetrative intercourse without any foreplay/preparation beforehand!