New Girl!

[Nicola]

Hello,
I’m Nicola, I’m 18 and Irish. Really glad I found this website, I was convinced I was the only one with Vaginismus! About two weeks ago the doctor told me I have Primary Vaginismus. I knew before I went that’s what I had, I looked it up a few months ago. I’ve known for years that something was wrong when I couldn’t have any penetration at all and I thought once I knew exactly what it was I wouldn’t be so worried. But that’s not the case.

I’m even more stressed and freaked out than I was before. The doctor refereed me to a gynecologist but its taking ages to get an appointment. So I’m thinking I may have to go private.
Just curious how you all deal with the stress of it? And if anyone on here has successfully been treated for Primary Vaginismus, how long did it take and what was the process like? Also has anyone been in a relationship while being treated for this? I find myself constantly avoiding anything that could remotely lead to a relationship because I know I can’t have sex, and I’m too embarrassed to have to tell anyone about it.
Thanks in advance to anyone that reply’s 😀

[Heather34]

Hi Nicola. Welcome to the Forum and thank you so, so much for your post. I am so very sorry for your struggles with vaginismus. I, too, suffered with primary vaginismus in the past for several years and was cured in June of 2011 only seven days following Dr. Pacik’s treatment program. Thank God and thank Dr. P. So much of what you describe I can relate to and went through while having vaginismus. Prior to meeting my husband, I dated in college but always cut it off when it got to the point that it would lead to intercourse. I tried to do this with my now husband but he stuck around and wouldn’t let me “break-up” with him b/c of this but was the first guy who wanted to be there for me regardless. He was my rock in every sense and I love him so, so much. It took us far too long to find Dr. Pacik’s program but we are both so, so glad we did. Prior to this, I tried using dilators on my own as well as pelvic floor PT and nothing worked as I was unable to achieve any sort of penetration without feeling like I was hitting a wall and intense burning pain. It was just impossible despite how hard and how many times we tried. What made this treatment work when so many other things failed in the past was a combination of factors: Dr. Pacik himself – he is the first doctor that we met that understood every aspect of the condition of vaginismus and took the time to listen to us and devise a treatment program which included pre-procedure consult, pre-procedure support, the procedure itself (Botox treatment with progressive dilation under anesthesia), dilator training within the office, extensive therapy from the Doctor himself, and comprehensive follow-up which is crucial to the success of the program. I would strongly encourage you to contact him and work with him in any way you possibly can. We did and are so, so thankful to this day. Please know that we are all here for you 100% and I can’t wait to read more of your posts. :):):)

[Nicola]

Thanks for the response! It really is a comfort knowing there is other people going through and went through the same thing as me. I’m currently in college in Dublin at the moment, but if I can’t get any success from trying dilators I will most definitely make time to take a trip over to Dr.Pacik’s! I’m really happy to hear that not only you successfully treated Primary Vaginismus but you also found someone who stuck by you the whole time. Did you need any therapy during the treatment process? My doctor told me Primary Vaginismus can be cause by something psychological and therapy may be needed?
Just curious, has anyone found anywhere in Ireland that successfully treated them for Primary Vaginismus?

[Heather34]

Hi Nicola. I’m so glad you’ve found the Forum and please know we are all here to support you. Bitesize also just recently joined the Forum and is from Ireland. It is a dream to visit the country and my husband has family in Ireland so we may have to make the trip soon. Please know that I believe in you and I know you will be able to overcome vaginismus. In my last post to you, I forgot to mention that Dr. Pacik also offers remote supported dilation therapy in select cases. In those cases, there have been several, several positive posts and one of the ladies progressed to the point that she was able to become pregnant. Amazing and such wonderful success stories!!! Here are a couple of posts that describe remote supported dilation therapy: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=27 and http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=20.2 In an excerpt from the second post, the patient writes: “I was only able to tolerate intercourse if I completely numbed the internal vaginal muscles with Lidocaine….As the years went by and the pain was still as intense, I became more and more discouraged that I would never be able to have pain free intercourse again. Thankfully, I have not given up and that thin thread of determination lead me to Dr. Pacik. I knew from the moment I saw his website and started reading all the posted information that I had finally found the right person to help me. Dr. Pacik’s knowledge of vaginismus and all the emotional baggage that accompanies it is truly amazing. I was so impressed by his level of personal communication as soon as I contacted his office. Through phone calls, Skype conversations and emails, we agreed upon a course of treatment. I was not able to fly to N.H. to have the Botox treatment, so we committed to a long distance treatment relationship that focused on dilation only. I knew in my heart that I would have success with the dilators and Dr. Pacik believed in me 100%. While I was waiting to receive the “Pure Romance” dilators he recommended, Dr. Pacik suggested I read his book and other publications on vaginismus, which were extremely informative and liberating. Knowledge is power! Once I received the dilators, Dr. Pacik instructed me on how to begin and asked me to email him daily about my progress. I started out with dilating in the morning and evening using the smaller dilators. I slept with a dilator inserted every other night. Dr. Pacik was very supportive and helped me not get discouraged when I would feel any burning sensations after dilations. I am 8 months into my dilation treatment with Dr. Pacik and I have progressed up to using the largest 2 dilators without pain. With proper dilation beforehand, I have even achieved pain free intercourse a few times! I know daily dilation will be in my future for awhile since like all muscles, the vaginal wall muscles need to be stretched so they can stay flexible. I truly cannot express my gratitude to Dr. Pacik and all the wonderful people who work with him. I whole-heartedly recommend working with Dr. Pacik in whatever capacity can be arranged.” I also did decide to seek counseling pre-procedure and post-procedure and found it extremely helpful in all regards. I look forward to reading more of your posts and am here for you always. :):):)

[rachel]

Hi Nicola,
I lived with primary vaginismus for 11 years before I found Dr. Pacik, and yes, I lived in an uncosumated marriage for 11 years! There are some amazing men out there who are very supportive and understanding, so don’t give up on having a relationship. It would be great for you to meet Dr.Pacik and get treated-he is an amazing man that has helped so many women get their lives back.

The more I learn about vaginismus, the more I am realising that the sooner it can be diagnosed and treated, the less damage it can cause to you psychologically and to partners that are involved with you. It is great that you have found out about this before finding a long term partner-you are already one step ahead of many of us women that found out on our wedding night!

I highly recommend Dr.Pacik and his treatment. Let us know if there is anyway that we can help you.

Take care,
Rachel

[Bitesize]

Hiya Nicola, I recently joined the forum and am from Dublin!! I’ve been dealing with secondary vaginismus for the last couple of years. My gynaecologist referred me to a Psychosexual Therapist in the National Maternity Hospital who started me on the dilator treatment and has been wonderful… I was going through the public system as well, so it took a long time, but it was definitely worth it (: And I’m fully confident that her treatment would be just as successful for primary vaginisumus. However I have been hearing some great things about Dr. Pacik’s treatment programme from this site!! I have been in a relationship for the last three years and luckily with a wonderful guy who is very supportive and patient, but I know it’s easy to feel a bit discouraged about entering relationships… just remember there’s definitely a way out of this, it might just take a little patience. I’ve only been here a couple of months but it’s really good just to have the extra support as I haven’t felt comfortable mentioning this to any of my friends. Glad to meet you.xx

[Nicola]

Hi Bitesize! Glad to hear your getting treatment! And that you have been in a successful relationship while dealing with Vaginismus! When you say you have been dealing with it for a couple of years, is that how long you have been getting treatment?
The botox treatment seem’s to be the quickest solution, but i havent been able to find anything online about it being available in Ireland. However I’m sure even if it was the cost would be high! I’m extremely happy I found this site too, My closest friends are all boys so it would be pretty uncomfortable for them and me to talk about it lol 🙂 Glad to meet you too 🙂 xx

[Bitesize]

No, I’ve been dealing with it since somewhere in early 2011, but I’ve only been getting treatment since around April of this year. However I’ve already progressed a huge amount with the treatment, it’s been such a help. The botox treatment does seem to be very effective but I agree, it would probably cost a bomb for us. I’d definitely recommend hanging on in there, although I know a lot of patience is needed on the public system, and seeing what can be done with the dilators here, as they do work very well for most people . It just takes a bit of time! I know I’m the same – all my close friends are guys as well and it’s just not the kind of thing you can chat about! My boyfriend’s been very supportive here but although he’s great at having an imaginary vagina to empathise with, it’s just not the same as being able to chat to other women 😛

[Nicola]

It’s the length of time it takes to treat that scares me. As much as I realize it takes time, I’m terrified it will take too much time. I’m 18 nearly 19 and some people said it took 7 years to treat. Slightly weird question but a lot of things I read up on say’s the male partner plays a huge part in the treatment. There’s a problem there for me since I haven’t got a boyfriend. Has anyone been getting treated without having a boyfriend or anything?

[Heather34]

Hi Nicola. Several patients have had the procedure while single. Here is an excellent reply post from a recently treated single patient:

“I’m not too active on the forum, but I saw your post and wanted to respond. I’ve only written one other time on the forum (pre-surgery) and believe it or not, I had the same exact questions as you. I, also am(was) single prior to my procedure and worried about the same things you do… in essence, I wondered about the following: – would I be okay to go to the surgery alone without a partner, when it sounded like all the other patients were bringing their husbands or boyfriends – after the surgery would I have the opportunity to “practice” and progress from dilation to intercourse considering I had no “long term partner” currently in my life – since I am not in a long term relationship, would I be okay not to tell any potential partner about my “condition” I had my surgery in early July 2012. My cousin attended with me… and after surpassing the initial nerves, I felt comfortable and great in NH during and after the procedure. Getting used to the dilation process was interesting… and stressful in the beginning, but I was determined to make progress and follow through on Dr.P’s program. I was dating someone casually before going NH and chose not to burden him or us with talk of vaginismus… prior to my trip, I was very “loose” and escaped any opportunity to get extremely physical with him. Prior to going to NH, I was also unable to insert a q-tip in, and had what Dr.P prescribed as stage 4 vaginismus, that I believe was/is largely due to abuse when I was younger and my own anxiety… all of which resulted in never having been able to achieve penetration. Upon returning from surgery, I was determined and continued with the program. I got purple in, pink and got blue in only a few times with lots of difficulty. My muscles were extremely tight and Dr. P mentioned that it would take me a while to stretch them out with dilation. A little less than a month after surgery, I had the opportunity to spend some time with the guy I was seeing and although I was nervous (about vaginismus, not about him) I pretended that “it’d had been a while” and I wanted to take it slow. He totally understood and we were able to achieve penetration on our “first” physical night, with little pain, lots of excitement and a lot of fun! Since then, it’s been getting better as I’ve learned to understand what I like, feel less nerves and become a bit more open with myself… he still has no idea about my struggles with vaginismus, and every now and then comments on how much better it is “now that we know each other”. I sometimes dilate a bit before I see him, but sometimes I don’t if I don’t have much time. He likes it because it feels “tighter” and I am able to now enjoy the experience either way… While in NH I had the opportunity to see two great husbands with the patients that were sharing my room… they were concerned for their wives and doing everything to help them. I have also heard of wonderful partners that have gone through a lot to support their wives and girlfriends through the struggle – I think that is amazing! In some ways, I think it’s really very difficult for single women to enter into that surrounding without the same support… after all, all women are there because they want to be loved (pun intended 🙂 and when you don’t have that directly by your side, it’s hard not to feel self concious.. jealous… or even stressed. Regardless though, on the flip side, I think that in some regard, there’s an advantage to being single – you don’t have to tell any new prospects in your life about your struggles with vaginismus (if you don’t want too) and there is a bit less pressure to perform. You move at your own pace and do what’s right for you… and in some ways, that’s very freeing and liberating. Hope this answers your questions and concerns about being single and going through pre and post surgery. All the best to you (and all the other single ladies out there). I definitely feel for you… and understand what you are going through. Be positive, dilate and be strong (-:”

Nicola, please know that we are all here to support you. I know you will be able to overcome!!!!