Long-term relationships can bring security, friendship, warmth, and comfort. But, the term doesn’t often inspire visions of smokin’ hot desire and chandelier-swinging scenes. That said, partners who’ve been together for a long time don’t have to settle for the same old same old when it comes to their sex lives.
There’s been plenty written about how to spice up your love life and the importance of keeping the love light burning and blah blah blah. I don’t mean to belittle these efforts, because yes, folks, maintaining a healthy and enjoyable sex life does require some commitment. But, before we talk about investing in some lacy lingerie or attempting a few new positions (which can be effective and fun!) let’s get back to basics.
It honestly just comes down to acknowledgement. Who among us doesn’t want to be seen, to be heard, to be understood? I hear this from women day after day – that they feel neglected, ignored, “like we’re just roommates.” If you’re experiencing similar concerns, I strongly recommend you check out www.gottman.com. It’s chock-full of relationship advice from Doctors Julie and John Gottman, widely recognized as the leading experts in romantic partnerships.
One simple thing they recommend to partners? Make an event out of seeing one another at the end of the day. “When you reunite, share a hug and kiss that last at least six seconds.” Dr. Gottman calls this a “kiss with potential.” This isn’t just an emotional gesture – it can actually kick off the release of a hormonal cocktail that can stoke those sexual fires.
It’s quick, it’s free, and it can lead to increased connection which is the foundation of better sex! (Of course, as I write, there is heightened awareness regarding personal contact so please proceed with caution should you or anyone in your family be ill or immune-compromised). Even an air hug or kiss can demonstrate to your partner that you are taking a few seconds just for them, and that sense of acknowledgement can mean everything.
Check back for more on this topic as we help you create the building blocks of satisfying sex and relational happiness.