We saw a patient yesterday who made me think about two truths…one I had already “known” or at least had been conscious of; the other, not so much.
The patient is a lively, beautiful mother of a 10 year old girl. She came to us two years ago because of her lack of libido — she and her husband were only having sex about once a month, she wasn’t having regular orgasms and she was having pain. In short, her sex life was a mess. We’ve been working with us for the past two years and needless to say, things are way, way better. She’s happy!
Well our visit yesterday included a bunch of things, but it also included the following:
First she told me that she and her husband are having sex about 3 times a week. Then she told me “you know, I think it’s a funny thing, but it seems to work in a cycle. When we’re having more sex, he’s acting more sexual in general. He strokes my neck, pats my bottom when he walks by, says sexy things to me… and that makes me want to have sex with him. I feel sexier and more interested.
Leading me to….
Truth #1: Great sex leads to everyone feeling happier and sexier and that leads to more sex.
Then, she laughingly told me about her daughter and how they need to be careful because she is involved in their lives and will walk into their room without knocking, etc. She reported how her daughter found her vibrator in the bedside drawer and, assuming it was a back massager, began to use it. She also laughed as she told me that her daughter mentioned the fact that her parents should buy a new bed because she “heard the bed squeaking last night.”
The mother laughed as she told me this and what was so clear was that there was an impish, happy, child-like quality in the secrets she and her husband share. Somehow, whether she was fully conscious of it or not, their sex life was creating a glue just between her and her husband. I was thinking how terrific this was. They are obviously a happy, close family. But it is important that the mother and father in a relationship maintain something that is just theirs, special and alone, a great sex life does that!!
Truth #2: Your kids will come and go in your life. You and your partner have to be more than roommates. An fun erotic life can be the glue that holds just the two of you together forever.