Foreplay: What is it?

It seems like everyone knows what foreplay is, right? Or wrong?  A quick internet search of the term Foreplay brought me to numerous articles in Men’s magazines about “why women want it” or “how to give good foreplay.” Is it possible some men aren’t familiar with the concept of foreplay, or maybe just don’t know what to do?

Just last week my patient told me that in 26 years of marriage she and her husband had never engaged in foreplay.  She says she was always taught that “the man” should initiate sex and if she did his “ego” would be hurt.  Apparently his initiating sex also meant that all he initiated was intercourse.   She expressed frustration because while she did enjoy intercourse she also thought she was missing “something,” and knew there had to be “more,” but she just wasn’t sure what that was.   

We discussed her initiating foreplay, and brainstormed some ideas. If she gave him a massage would he find that upsetting? How about caressing his scrotum? Would he really be upset if she initiated oral sex?  When she heard foreplay explained in this way, she decided to give it a try and guess what? He was thrilled.  After 26 years of “straight to intercourse” sex, they are exploring.

I think many of us take it for granted that our partner’s already know what foreplay is, and that if there is no foreplay it is because all our partners want is intercourse.  So take the initiative and massage, kiss, touch, and explore with your partner the endless possibilities of foreplay.

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