So far away.

By the time many of our patients walk through our door, sex has become a sore subject in their relationships. Feeling sexually distant from a partner can manifest in various ways, and patients have shared descriptions that tend to come down to the same idea: We live in the same place and share so much, but it feels like we are so far away from each other. The sexual distance doesn’t ensue overnight. It tends to be a gradual process where the sound of your disconnect starts out low and faint. Your busy routine drowns it out and your focus is on the louder things in your life, the tasks that feel urgent and time-sensitive.

But then the sound of disconnect gets to a point where you can no longer miss it or ignore it; it shows up in every conversation, every grunt, every long pause in conversation. And you realize that this disconnect with your partner is also urgent, is also time-sensitive, and has actually been slowly accumulating while you were busy with everything else in your life. Many of our patients report looking back and seeing in retrospect how long ago they started feeling far away sexually from their partner, and wishing they had done something about it sooner.

It’s hard to notice a change when it happens gradually, but you can start today by taking a good look at your relationship — not just your sex life — and see if there is anything you have been ignoring or just hadn’t noticed. There is help out there for all sorts of relationship issues, and the sooner you reach out for it, the sooner you’ll feel better.

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