He, he and he.

A recent article in New York Magazine, titled, “He , He and He” takes a look at a modern day and somewhat famous menage a trois. The French term literally means, ” a household of three,” and the implication is that the three are engaged in sexual relations. Historically, there are many well known threesomes: Carl Jung, his wife, Deirdre Bair and lover Toni Wolf, Friedrich Nietzsche, his wife Lou Andreas-Salome and lover Paul Ree and of course Anais Nin, Henry Miller and their lover June. Generally, these arrangements involve two men and one woman, or two women and one man. The one described in this article involves three men, who both live and work together, which is another fairly common aspect of these arrangements.

This article looks at the relationship of Adrian, Benny and Jason. Together these three men run a video porn company called Cocky Boys. They have been together for over four years and they call themselves a “throuple”. The two older men had been living together both in the New York City and Upstate New York for nine years prior to including the third and younger man into their lives. This arrangement seems to work well for all of them and I was fascinated to know why, when so many couples struggle with monogamy and infidelity. Possibly, they have found an answer to the search for simultaneous security and excitement, the seemingly golden combination we are all taught to seek out in one person.

A menage a trois is one of the oldest sexual arrangements. I think it is probably on the top of the list for number one male sexual fantasy and I think many women also like to entertain the idea of a threesome. But do these triangulations actually work for the long term? Esther Perel in her book, Mating In Captivity, posits that in our struggle to feel secure and comfortable with a monogamous partner, the flame of newness that fans sexual desire goes out. Maybe a menage a trois keeps an element of newness, intrigue or imbalance which can fuel desire. Of course this arrangement would not work for all people but I found it compelling that it seems to work so well for these men.

What do you think? Could you be in a log term menage a trois?

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