Yes, I know…you had a baby months ago and sex is still the last thing on your mind. Will it ever change?
I get the questions a lot from nursing moms and they are often so confused as to whether their low libido is something that needs to be addressed or if they should wait it out. They are exhausted, over touched, dripping from every orifice, feeling unattractive and so overwhelmed that they can’t imagine every feeling sexy again.
Unfortunately, I can’t say there is any one right answer for every mother. And when women call and ask “should I come in and see you?”, my answer is in so many shades of gray.
Here’s what I recently said to a new mother who asked me that very question:
There is very little we would do hormonally while you are breast feeding and some women really do “correct themselves,” over time. So sometimes it pays to just wait things out. Then again, many others don’t start improving, and you don’t want so much damage done to your relationship in the meantime that it’s that much harder to dig yourself out.
I guess I would say that you should ask yourself how badly this may be affecting your marriage, your own self-esteem, how long you plan on breast feeding, etc. In the end those are questions that will affect your answer.
Coming in and seeing us always helps to some degree, because it puts the issue on the table and doesn’t let you ignore it; we can work on the pain with you and give you homework so that at least you feel like you are doing something. On the other hand, if your exhausted and overwhelmed, you just might not have the bandwidth to deal with this now and you might want to ignore it — and that might be FINE for the short term. Only you and your husband can really figure this out.
One thing I would say is don’t let this drag on too long. If it’s been a year since the baby’s born and things are still not working, you probably should seek help. The last thing your baby needs is a couple of parents who are struggling in their relationship more than they have to be!