Better sex: How do you choose a mate?

“Females use kissing to provide information about the level of commitment of their partner if they happen to be in a continuing relationship”, Gallup told the BBC in September. “Locking lips is thus a kind of emotional barometer: the more enthusiastic it is the healthier the relationship. Because women need to invest more energy in producing children and have a shorter biological window in which to reproduce, they need to be pickier about whom they choose for a partner-and they cannot afford to get it wrong. So, at least for women, a passionate kiss may help them choose a mate who is not only good at fathering children but also committed to sticking around and raising them.” This may also explain why kissing is more frequent and more passionate at the beginning of a relationship. Possibly, at that point, the selection process is occurring. And once it has occurred the biological imperative is not as intense.

I do not believe a kiss is an indicator of paternal abilities. The ability to father well is so complex and multifaceted; I am not sure what could test for such an intense and important role. I do love the idea that such a test could exist, though. I have basically found in my work with women that a good kiss is mostly indicative of a good kisser. However, kissing is very intimate and I think that one’s ability to be intimate and stay connected is certainly an important part of both partnering and fathering. So maybe the desire to kiss is not such a bad litmus test after all. I think the desire to kiss and the talent of kissing well defines two different things. I have a friend who says her husband wants to kiss all the time, but he is not great at. He tries anyway,she loves him and he is a good father!

Write me and let me know if you have a partner who is both a good kisser and a good dad. Let’s see what we find out!

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