Occasionally, women feel nervous about introducing a vibrator into their relationship. Sometimes their partners express that they don’t feel comfortable with it. This is particularly challenging for our clients who have never had orgasms because they may require additional stimulation which oral or manual stimulation can not provide. In these instances I try to explain to both the woman and her partner that:
- Their sex life will dramatically improve if a woman is able to have an orgasm.
- Vibrators do not “replace” a partner. Women frequently come in with an internal or penis shaped vibrator. This can be intimidating for a man. The truth is we generally recommend an external vibrator, for a woman who needs increased stimulation. If you are living with a penis you don’t really need a mechanical one.
- There are vibrators which can be used during partner sex. Most of the clitoral vibrators can be used with a partner. And there are vibrators which a man can wear too. These can or may provide pleasure for both of you.
- The bottom line is that most people enjoy sex much more if they can have an orgasm. So ultimately if the use of a vibrator allows a woman to have more satisfying sex, she will want to have it more often, which is often what people come to us for.
- For those men who feel that they should be “enough” for their partners to be able to have an orgasm, we frequently explain it this way: Before the discovery of eye glasses, many people had unclear or horrible vision. They could often get around but the details and clarity that good vision provides was not possible. Then once eyeglasses became readily available, all those people who had been missing the details of their partners face or the beauty of a sunset could finally see clearly! A vibrator is a lot like glasses, many women feel good when they get touched in a sexual way but they can’t have the full experience of an orgasm without the help of a little extra stimulation. The first vibrator was created in the 1880’s. There is a reason that that invention has persisted and been perfected over the years. Many, many women can experience their sexuality in a whole new way once they experience an orgasm. And with a little help, their partners may also.