In rom-coms, the two romantic leads wordlessly fall into bed and just automatically know what the other wants. And while rom-coms may purport to be more realistic than a movie about dragons, it definitely requires magic to know what your partner wants without them telling you.
But this is real life, and the only way your partner is going to know what you like is if you tell them.
Even though you should be talking to your partner during sex doesn’t mean that’s it’s easy. A lot of us are socialized to not talk about sex, and the lack of communication in rom-coms and porn sure doesn’t help. A lot of people might not think they should be talking during sex, or at the very least they don’t know how. But talking during sex is really important–not only so that you can communicate what feels good or what you want, but also because talking during sex can be an incredibly intimate thing to share with your partner.
Talking during sex is something that can take a lot of practice if you’re not used to it, but here are some tips to help make talking and communicating during sex easier and more natural.
Talk before sex: have a conversation about your likes and dislikes with your partner before you’re actually having sex. If you’ve already communicated with your partner about the things you like and dislike, that can help make it easier to talk about in the moment. You’ll already be used to having these conversations, which can remove some of the pressure. If you’re not sure where to start when having these conversations, I highly recommend some sort of sex worksheet with a list of different acts that you can go through with your partner and talk about.
Be clear: a lot of women have been socialized to not vocalize their needs, and this can be really detrimental during sex. So, speak up, tell your partner what feels good or if you want them to do something different. And don’t be worried about being too specific, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “a little to the left, now down…”
Don’t feel ashamed or awkward: it’s totally understandable to feel a little awkward talking during sex if you’re not used to it, but there is truly nothing to be ashamed of. It might feel weird at first, but can lead to really wonderful and affirming sex.
If you’re looking for guidance or have questions about your sex life, contact us for a free phone consultation. We’re happy to help.