Sex on the Sly

Just getting through each day of quarantine is beginning to feel like winning the Super Bowl. For example, you might have thought you had this homeschool thing all worked out a few days ago. But this week, the novelty has worn off, your kids have lost focus, and they’re throwing their underwear at each other for fun while you desperately try to maintain some semblance of composure on a Zoom call with your CEO.

The demands on your creativity have likely never been higher and we are all being asked to make big sacrifices in the name of this pandemic. You’ve had to make adjustments – from the personal to the professional – and for some, sexual engagement is no exception. Because how the hell are you supposed to find the time? The energy? The space? The dog just threw up; your mother won’t stay inside because she doesn’t think the rules apply to her; your children found and obliterated your secret chocolate stash and what the hell did your partner do with the vodka? Also: There. Is. Literally. Crap. Everywhere.

Parents are particularly expert at having sneaky sex, even when their environment isn’t at its sexiest best. However, with everyone home now – all the live long day and night – how can you score some private time? Pardon (or enjoy) the pun: you’ve got to think outside the box.

Used to getting your groove on in the evenings? Consider a switch to mornings or during the baby’s afternoon nap.  Favorite vibrator too loud? If it’s waterproof, use it in the shower or bath. Have parents or other family members with you? White noise machines or apps are your new best friends. Be prepared to steal away to your basement, garage or car, so store some extra pillows and blankets in these locations so they are at the ready. And rev up your favorite porn/erotic story sites on your phone for some warm-up appetizers if that’s your thing.

Although we’re normally huge fans of lacey lingerie and other mood-setting paraphernalia under normal circumstances, sex might look a little different these days and now is the time to simplify so you can focus on connection, release, and physical closeness (between two healthy and consenting adults). Be innovative, have fun, be safe always, and enjoy the escape!

We understand that the current situation might put extra stress on your sex life, but Maze is happy to offer therapy via telehealth to help you get through it. Contact us for a free phone consultation.