Affairs: Can They Be Good For Everyone?

Affairs – they can be incredibly complicated. And the web that is woven can often involve more than the two people married to each other and the outside love interest. Last week, the ethicist in the NY Times responded to a letter written to him about an affair. I think he did a pretty good job in his answer.  Better than even the answer, though, I loved the way the questioner framed the question, so non-judgmentally and objectively. It seemed that the part that bothered him (the writer) the most, was being pulled into the lie at one point. As well it should.

Anyhow, my work here at Maze has, if I’m quite honest, changed my opinion on affairs. I used to think that they were not only wrong morally but could only spell doom to a relationship. I don’t think that way today. I think life is complicated and people are complicated and sometimes affairs keep a marriage together and sometimes are an odd necessity, and that in the end everyone is different. But I was really struck by the line:  “ And probably the strangest thing is, deep inside, I think the affair may be good for everyone. Jane and Peter have a good marriage, and Jane needs this outlet with Martin. Maybe just allowing the lie to roll forward in perpetuity is the best thing.”

If you are interested in reading more, here’s the link. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/15/magazine/should-i-tell-my-friends-husband-that-shes-having-an-affair.html?smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-ipad-share