Women don’t have a monopoly on sexual insecurities.

Often times relationships will have conflicts around sex that stem from misconceptions around men and sex. Here are some truths about men and sex that can be surprising for some women to hear:

Men want to be held too: Many times when there is sexual dysfunction the general affection in the relationship is affected. But just because a couple isn’t having sex doesn’t mean that the man doesn’t want to be hugged or touched, and it can be painful for men when their partners won’t touch them. Sometimes the partner is surprised to hear this, having assumed that he only really cared about the sex.

Men want to be wanted too: Men are often characterized as having a need to be the pursuer when it comes to sex, but the reality is that many men want to be wanted too and don’t always want to be the initiator.

Men are insecure about their bodies too: For many women, how they feel about their bodies affects their ability to be present sexually with a partner. The same goes for men, though they may not verbalize this out loud to the partner. Men want to feel attractive and be told they’re attractive, and their anxieties about performance are not limited to their penis size.

Men like sex not only for a selfish, physical release: Our society has done a good job reinforcing the message that men just care about sex in having their physical needs met and don’t have emotions invested in sex.  This simplistic message can translate into misunderstandings in relationships and sexual advances being perceived as totally selfish.

Men are not always in the mood for sex: Every now and then, some new article or study claims that men think about sex every ___ seconds. The ramifications of these declarations is that men who don’t think about sex that often wonder if something is wrong with them and their partners may wonder that as well. Just as female libido has a range and there may times when a woman has a higher libido than others, the same goes with men.

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