Everything about sex is a personal choice.

Elephant Journal blogger and holistic health coach, Janet Raftis, recently wrote a blog about an experience she had with one her clients. Her client had engaged in a sexual act that left her feeling ashamed afterwards. She went so far as to refer to herself as a “slut” even though engaging in the act was her choice and she did enjoy the experience. In this blog she explores this phenomenon and offers strategies to help women stay connected with themselves in order to better understand their own needs and wants.

Janet writes, “Because it was out of the realm of that what she has been taught as “normal”, she felt ashamed of her actions. This sense of guilt and degradation caused her anxiety and had caused a somewhat depressed state that she was having difficulty moving through. She called herself a slut for engaging in an unusual sexual act, even though it felt good while she was doing it.

The self-recrimination seems to stem from not understanding our sexuality in general and from the mixed messages that we have received from society. The messages we receive around sex are ridiculously mixed and we perpetuate them among ourselves constantly. Women are shown through media that we should dress provocatively and that we need to be at the man’s beck and call. The interests and desires of men are shown to take precedence over ours. It is a no-win situation. We are groomed to believe this.

If we make sure that we look pretty, wear the right clothes and cook for men then how on earth would we feel comfortable setting sexual boundaries that feel good to us? On the flip side, we receive a message that sex is bad and that sexual impulses should be repressed. So when we do go beyond “acceptable” limits, we feel ashamed and despoiled.”

Janet goes on to list ways women can find balance and learn to appreciate their own “personal and sacred sexual signature.” I highly recommending reading the entire blog here.

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