Not every woman loves vaginal intercourse best.

Here’s the real deal. Many women love vaginal intercourse. Many women can take it or leave it.

Some women love intercourse. They say it makes them feel close to their partner and that it feels amazing. But some women don’t love intercourse. They prefer oral sex, or when their partner uses his hands or vibrator.

The reality is that the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings. The vagina has much less. Some women’s vaginas are tighter or looser or shorter or longer and all of that affects how much a woman loves intercourse. Some women can orgasm from intercourse (3/10). Most can’t. Just like some women love certain erogenous zones and others can take them or leave them, vaginal intercourse is a matter of sexual taste. If you’ve ever heard women arguing about whether or not nipple stimulation is a turn on, you’ll know what I mean. Some women love nipple stimulation so much it gives them an orgasm. Others yawn through the experience. There’s no right or wrong. It’s just how your body works.

The important thing to remember though, is that we’re not static sexual creatures. Things change for us. All the time. You might finish a sexual encounter one day and say “Wow. That intercourse felt awesome. Hmmm. That’s new for me.” And suddenly you find yourself appreciating intercourse in a way you hadn’t before. It might be because you have a new partner. It might be because you tried a new position. It might be because you’ve had kids and your vagina changed its shape a little. It might be for no reason you can identify. That’s fine. And you might find that as you get older you like vaginal intercourse less and you like something else a little more. That’s fine too. (All of this assumes that intercourse isn’t hurting you. It shouldn’t hurt. And that’s a different discussion.)

But you are not crazy or aberrant if vaginal intercourse is not your favorite kind of sex.

We think of vaginal intercourse as “real sex,” as opposed to, say, oral sex, anal sex, manual sex (using your hands) or mutual masturbation. I don’t know who the arbiters of all things sexual are — really I don’t, so I’m not at all sure where that idea came from. But, those kinds of sex are “real sex” too.

And what you like, and how you like it, that is personal and unique and only yours.

So as long as you can comfortably have intercourse, figure out what you like and go for it.

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