[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Hi Optimistgirl,
checking in to see how you’re doing and if you were able to implement some of the suggestions you have received above. I love phia2020’s suggestion of using a vibrator with dilation. There are different sizes of internal vibrators that you could use as a dilator; sometimes the vibration helps to relax the muscles just enough, as it did with phia2020, that dilating with a slightly larger size becomes possible. A company realized this effect and recently created a dilator with a vibration option:

https://www.millimedical.com

Some patients love the milli dilator and others find a similar benefit with an internal (as opposed to an external/clitoral) vibrator, which would likely be less expensive.

Send an update when you get a chance!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi Sanzk94,
Just checking in to see how dilation is going, especially during this challenging time.
Please drop us a note to update us on your progress!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Dear Lamkas,
Yes, as Jennifer and Sks823 mentioned- you are not alone. I’m so glad that you shared your story with us. Many, many women on this forum have been where you are and have slowly and steadily healed their vaginismus.
Sometimes (often times!), it takes a little longer than you or your partner may like, but it doesn’t mean that you won’t get there. Dilation and pelvic PT exercises can be frustrating and are usually the last thing anyone wants to do, but with time, they will help to retrain your pelvic floor muscles. Please don’t give up hope!
Also, it is always helpful to have an experienced clinician guiding you through dilation, especially when it gets challenging. Here at Maze, we are now offering a distance dilation coaching program, where a highly-trained clinician and therapist will coach and guide you through the dilation process to pain-free intercourse. They will both work with you, starting wherever you are right now, and create an individualized program to best support you in healing your vaginismus. I encourage you to reach out if you’re interested in learning more about how to get started with that, even now during the current shutdown.

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Melbartist,
This is SO amazing! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! There is so much I love about what you wrote!
First, I want to acknowledge you for moving forward in your healing journey despite not having a supportive clinician. That is such a testament to your strength and courage! Many women are on the receiving end of these negative (and untrue) messages about intercourse. I’m so glad that that didn’t stop you.

And you are spot on in your assessment that the consistent, daily dilation made all the difference. It can be very challenging to dilate, much less to dilate every day. That you did just that is truly amazing.
I also think that by opening up about vaginismus to your friends, that you released some of the bonds or control it had over you. Vaginismus is a very treatable condition, but far too many aren’t aware of that and as a result suffer for way too long in silence and shame. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s not something any woman should feel she needs to be silent about.
I also loved that you shared about attempting intercourse before you were quite ready and how that impacted you. Many women experience that, and it usually just means that they need to dilate a little more. Kudos to your boyfriend for also realizing that and supporting you in your process!
You are wise beyond your years. Please keep posting on the forum. This story is a gift to women suffering from vaginismus and your voice definitely needs to be heard!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi Mel1996,
Yes, do see if your health care provider can prescribe the generic form of Estrace Jackie mentioned above. Massaging a pea-sized amount daily into the posterior fourchette can, over time, help to repair the tissue that may have been weakened by the birth control pill. Please do be patient; it can take time for the vulvar tissue to heal. For many women, stopping the birth control pill is a crucial first step in that direction. Please keep us posted on how you’re doing!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

I love what both Jennifer and recessivegenequeen wrote about self-compassion. It’s a crazy time right now and the added pressure of trying to make life work in the midst of a shutdown and global health crisis can derail even the most carefully created routine. It benefits us all to remember that life is made up of baby steps and it’s ok to take breaks. This is a good thing to remember if you’re in a situation right now where dilation is logistically challenging (staying at your parents’ house now because you needed to leave the city, for example). As Jennifer mentioned, please reach out if you need some additional support for wherever you are right now.

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi Arch,
Congratulations on reaching out for support, for both yourself and your husband.

I second Melissa’s recommendation to read Heather Jeffcoat’s Book, Sex without Pain. It is essentially a workbook that guides women how to get started with dilation; it is very informative and easy to read. She does a great job explaining how the muscles react with vaginismus and details the steps you can take to move through the dilation process. She’s very knowledgable and encouraging, as she has extensive experience as a pelvic floor PT. It’s a great place to start.

Keep us posted!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Hi Jaclynfich,
It could be the angle. If you’re inserting a little too anteriorly (or up towards your belly button), you could possibly be pressing on your urethra, which could be uncomfortable. Perhaps next time try to insert with a little more downward pressure initially, to see if that makes a difference. Angle of insertion makes such a big difference w dilation and every woman unfortunately has to figure that out through repeated dilation. But once you get the sense of it, it often becomes somewhat intuitive.
Please keep us posted!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi JaclynFich,

It’s great to hear that you’ve been dilating consistently!
Couple questions about the stabbing pain you mentioned- do you experience it with the smallest dilator or with the next one in size? Does the pain occur only when you insert the dilator deeper in the vaginal canal? If you change the angle of insertion, does that cause/intensify/relieve the pain? Does the pain go away immediately upon removal of the dilator? And lastly, what type of lubricant are you using with dilation? I know these questions are specific, but sometimes trying to localize the pain as much as possible can assist in determining what may be helpful.
Keep us posted!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi CayJam,
I echo what Melissa and Jennifer stated above- you deserve to be treated with sensitivity and dignity. Fortunately, you happen to live in a part of the country where there are experienced health care providers who are familiar with sexual pain diagnosis and treatment. I recommend that you reach out to the WISH center (Women’s Institute for Sexual Health) located in Nashville. I have included a link below:

https://www.wishnashville.com/our-story-wish-nashville

And information about their clinical director:

https://www.wishnashville.com/brooke-faught-dnp-whnp-bc-if-wish-female-urology-nashville

Please keep us posted on how you’re doing!
take good care,
Leslie

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Hi Jaclynfich,
So glad that you reached out for support.

First of all, congratulations on dilating consistently and being able to progress in dilation!
Secondly, Yes. Regression during dilation is normal.

There are times when women can’t dilate every day and some women notice that dilation after even taking just a few days off is more challenging initially.
For others, they notice that dilation becomes more difficult at a certain time of their menstrual cycle.
Or it can happen for less obvious reasons, that aren’t so easy to document. We all store our stress in different places in our bodies so to speak- some people get debilitating headaches, others gastrointestinal issues or tense shoulders. And yes, some store their stress in their pelvic floor. On days when it is a little more challenging, it’s a good idea to increase your self care; we like to say ‘slow is the new fast.’ Perhaps adding more of a good quality lubricant like organic, refined coconut oil would be helpful. Or placing a pillow or 2 under your hips or to support your legs makes it a little easier.
And always remember to breathe. We recommend inserting the dilator with the exhale. Often when we’re nervous or expecting discomfort, we clench up and forget to breathe, which can make the experience more difficult.
These are just a couple things to keep in mind. I’m sure you’ll get some wonderful suggestions from the wise women on this forum. Please keep us posted!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi Marina,
Just checking in to see how you’re doing. As you many know, we’re seeing more about vaginismus in the mainstream media (Netflix show ‘Sex Education’ and Goop). Was curious about your experience with sharing your personal story of healing. Please update us if you get a moment. Thanks!
take good care,
Leslie

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Yes, it’s great that we’re hearing about vaginismus in mainstream media. About time! Hopefully this episode will lead to increased awareness, which will lead to more open conversations and women with vaginismus getting the support they need. As they say, awareness is the first step…

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Hi Flowerchild,
I second what others have said about sex being so much more than just penis in vagina. Here at Maze, we talk about intercourse being just one item on the sexual ‘menu’ so to speak. That doesn’t mean that you can’t work towards having pain-free intercourse; it just means that you don’t need to shut down sexually in the process.

And I absolutely love that Eggplant opened up and started talking about her experience with vaginismus. The more we bring our concerns out into the light, the more support we can receive and the less power they have over us. This is very true for vaginismus. Many women think that they’re all alone in dealing with it, but as Eggplant saw in her life, and as you’re seeing by the posts on this forum, that is far from the truth.

Keep reaching out and letting us know how you’re doing!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Julie123,
So glad that you found this forum and have reached out for support. Hearing how others, such as recessivegenequeen, have been where you are today, and now are in a very different space- being able to not only tolerate, but actually enjoy sex and intercourse – is very inspiring. And this absolutely can be available to you as well.
Congratulations on purchasing dilators. That’s a very big first step. Start with using the smallest one, with a lot of good quality lubricant such as organic refined coconut oil. Know that the initial insertion is always a little challenging, but it will get easier from there.
And please keep us posted. We look forward to supporting you through this process!

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