Hitting a low..

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #28023
    Lamkas
    Participant

    Hi all. I am a new member. I was diagnosed about five years ago, after I got married and my husband and I were unable to successfully have intercourse (had never attempted before marriage). I was going to physical therapy for a while but due to moving/job change I fell off and haven’t resumed for the past year or so. My husband has been very patient and understanding but I think he’s reached his limit and the timing is not great, as I’m unable to resume therapy right now. I have a set of dilators but they are the hard plastic ones and I have a hard time trying to use those. I have tried lidocaine prescribed by a doctor as well as all kinds of lube. Because I can’t go back to therapy immediately, I’ve been trying to research relaxation strategies and thought I had a breakthrough. We made the mistake of attempting intercourse using those strategies and it did not help. Now I am sore on every inch of my body from the exertion and while I know the soreness is temporary, the physical pain is a constant reminder of the mental/emotional anguish. I try not to think of it as a personal failing because I know I don’t have control over it at the moment. But it’s hard to not make progress after utilizing what I did learn through therapy and after feeling hopeful, and the disappointment from my husband. I’m really glad to have found this group as I have a really hard time talking to anyone about this. Anyhow, thanks for listening.

    #28054

    Hi Lamkas,

    Welcome and we’re so glad you found us. I really appreciate you sharing your story here – as you scroll through the Forum you’ll see that you are not alone.

    A couple of things came to mind as I read your post. First of all – courage. You have it in spades! Trying dilation on your own, attempting to stick with PT after a move and job change. But please trust me when I say that while both of these efforts are challenging on a good day; they can really be difficult when you don’t have professional guidance. I’m sorry that your latest attempt at intercourse was unsuccessful.

    We offer 10-minute free consults – please reach out to us. We can help you determine next steps toward treatment and healing. Wishing you my very best!

    #28208
    Sks823Sks823
    Participant

    Hi Lamkas,

    Just sending some support!! You did have a breakthrough, it is GREAT that you were encouraged to attempt intercourse! Many others on his forum have told their stories about attempting intercourse after dilation treatment/etc. and it sometimes can take several attempts, so don’t be discouraged – you’re one step closer.

    Don’t lose encouragement or your determination and drive – you’re awesome and you will get there! Everything takes time, effort, and practice – I know you have it in you :).

    Glad to hear you are practicing relaxation strategies and also have some experience with Physical Therapy. Stay optimistic and keep us updated – you’ve got this!

    #28320

    Dear Lamkas,
    Yes, as Jennifer and Sks823 mentioned- you are not alone. I’m so glad that you shared your story with us. Many, many women on this forum have been where you are and have slowly and steadily healed their vaginismus.
    Sometimes (often times!), it takes a little longer than you or your partner may like, but it doesn’t mean that you won’t get there. Dilation and pelvic PT exercises can be frustrating and are usually the last thing anyone wants to do, but with time, they will help to retrain your pelvic floor muscles. Please don’t give up hope!
    Also, it is always helpful to have an experienced clinician guiding you through dilation, especially when it gets challenging. Here at Maze, we are now offering a distance dilation coaching program, where a highly-trained clinician and therapist will coach and guide you through the dilation process to pain-free intercourse. They will both work with you, starting wherever you are right now, and create an individualized program to best support you in healing your vaginismus. I encourage you to reach out if you’re interested in learning more about how to get started with that, even now during the current shutdown.

    #28752
    mmHelen Leff, LCSW
    Moderator

    I echo what everyone has said here Lamkas and hope it’s been useful. Treating vaginismus is not necessarily a linear process – having ups and downs can be part of it. Dilating consistently is key and that can be challenging. We are here to help you with all of it.
    Take good care and try to remember to have self compassion.
    Helen

    #28753
    mmHelen Leff, LCSW
    Moderator

    I echo what everyone has said here Lamkas and hope it’s been useful. Treating vaginismus is not necessarily a linear process – having ups and downs can be part of it. Dilating consistently is key and that can be challenging. We are here to help you with all of it.
    Take good care and try to remember to have self compassion.
    Helen

    #29119
    recessivegenequeenrecessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Hi Lamkas – hope you are keeping well, and I just wanted to glom onto what all of these smart ladies above have said and say that you are not alone in this and that treatment is possible. Anyone who’s ever had their vaginismus cured (like me!) will tell you that major setbacks along the way are a part of the process. The road up the mountain is winding and what matters is just continuing to take tiny steps forward even though you may slide back down sometimes. Hard things feel impossible until we’ve done them, and then we can see how every accomplishment is made up of the work that happens day after day. We’re pulling for you and always here if you have questions for us or need motivation along the way!

    #30989
    Lamkas
    Participant

    Thank you so much all sorry i forgot to turn the email notifications on. Reading through the forum helped me feel a little less broken and alone and hopelsss. Finally went back to a gyno, started trying to dilate again and set up physical therapy. I would really like to try the botox but gyno says my muscles are too tight even to try that. So ill be doing physical therapy first and was also prescribed a compound cream that i hope will be more effective than lidocaine which did not help me. Based in the forum im also going to try different dilators.

    It was helpful to talk to a gyno who has treated vaginismus but she did a quick exam just with fingers and she had fake nails on and immediately applied a lot of pressure. So maturally

    #31002
    Lamkas
    Participant

    Thank you so much all sorry i forgot to turn the email notifications on. Reading through the forum helped me feel a little less broken and alone and hopelsss. Finally went back to a gyno, started trying to dilate again and set up physical therapy. I would really like to try the botox but gyno says my muscles are too tight even to try that. So ill be doing physical therapy first and was also prescribed a compound cream that i hope will be more effective than lidocaine which did not help me. Based in the forum im also going to try different dilators.

    It was helpful to talk to a gyno who has treated vaginismus but she did a quick exam just with fingers and she had fake nails on and immediately applied a lot of pressure. So naturally i tensed up quite a bit..she also recommended trying to use my own finger but that is something i really am unable to do. Hoping trying the silicone dilator will help. Thanks again everyone

    #31312
    recessivegenequeenrecessivegenequeen
    Participant

    Hi Lamkas – welcome back! I’m so glad to hear that you have taken steps to address your sexual pain issues. I will say that I don’t understand what your gynecologist meant – I had extremely tight muscles and it was the REASON I got the botox treatment, so you might consider talking to a different gynecologist or giving the Maze Clinic a call at 914-328-3700 just to talk through your options around botox more and whether it would work for you.

    Let us know how your treatment goes and if you have other questions – you should be really proud of yourself for continuing to work on this and build a less painful sexual life for yourself! Best of luck!

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.