Regressing

[Jaclynfich]

Hi all!
I started dilating a few months ago and about a week and a half ago managed to even get the second size dilator about 3/4 of the way in! Had a few successful days with that but now for a little over a week I seem to have regressed dramatically and can hardly get the smallest one in 🙁 I’m able to get it in some times but much more painful/difficult/uncomfortable than it has been for some time. Is it normal to regress like this and what I can do do contribute moving forward again?

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Hi Jaclynfich,
So glad that you reached out for support.

First of all, congratulations on dilating consistently and being able to progress in dilation!
Secondly, Yes. Regression during dilation is normal.

There are times when women can’t dilate every day and some women notice that dilation after even taking just a few days off is more challenging initially.
For others, they notice that dilation becomes more difficult at a certain time of their menstrual cycle.
Or it can happen for less obvious reasons, that aren’t so easy to document. We all store our stress in different places in our bodies so to speak- some people get debilitating headaches, others gastrointestinal issues or tense shoulders. And yes, some store their stress in their pelvic floor. On days when it is a little more challenging, it’s a good idea to increase your self care; we like to say ‘slow is the new fast.’ Perhaps adding more of a good quality lubricant like organic, refined coconut oil would be helpful. Or placing a pillow or 2 under your hips or to support your legs makes it a little easier.
And always remember to breathe. We recommend inserting the dilator with the exhale. Often when we’re nervous or expecting discomfort, we clench up and forget to breathe, which can make the experience more difficult.
These are just a couple things to keep in mind. I’m sure you’ll get some wonderful suggestions from the wise women on this forum. Please keep us posted!

[Jennifer Dembo, LMSW]

Hey Jaclynfich – thanks so much for posting your question! Leslie has great advice above, and I just wanted to second all that she said.

Consistency is one of your best friends when you’re dilating, but life (or our own bodies, etc.) sometimes has other plans. And if for whatever reason, you’ve needed to take a day or two off, just be kind to yourself and take it slowly. That will help you jump back that much more quickly into your routine, and successfully.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Jaclynfich – how has the dilating been going? I used to have vaginismus and can totally relate to this – it’s very normal to regress somewhat over the course of your treatment. It’s super frustrating in the moment, but it helps to think of your vaginismus treatment as like climbing a tall mountain. Sometimes the trail will take you back down a bit, but when you take a look all the way back down at where you’ve started, you’ve still made a ton of progress overall. It’s hard not to wish for a perfect uphill climb, but sometimes life has slips and diversions on the way to where we’re meant to get. It’s VERY normal and the best thing to do is to forgive yourself and trust that tomorrow will be better. You’ll get there in time if you keep working at it!

[Jaclynfich]

Thanks for all of the replies! Sorry I didn’t get back sooner (I’m terrible about checking my email!)
I’ve had a little more success some days but it really depends day to day and I have not gotten back to where I was yet. I suppose the anxiety and stress of everything going on in the world isn’t helping much either.
I will continue trying and am doing my best not to get frustrated on the days when it’s most difficult.
I did have one more question….
I’ve been noticing lately that sometimes when I’m dilating I will get a sharp stabbing pain so bad I have to stop. I never had that before but maybe because I never used to get the dilator that far in? Any idea what I may be feeling/experiencing and what I can do about that?
Thanks again for all you ladies do here on the forum, it’s a great resource to have especially during these times when getting into the office isn’t a possibility.

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

hi JaclynFich,

It’s great to hear that you’ve been dilating consistently!
Couple questions about the stabbing pain you mentioned- do you experience it with the smallest dilator or with the next one in size? Does the pain occur only when you insert the dilator deeper in the vaginal canal? If you change the angle of insertion, does that cause/intensify/relieve the pain? Does the pain go away immediately upon removal of the dilator? And lastly, what type of lubricant are you using with dilation? I know these questions are specific, but sometimes trying to localize the pain as much as possible can assist in determining what may be helpful.
Keep us posted!

[Jaclynfich]

Hi Thanks so much For the quick reply!
1. The pain has been with the smallest dilator as I’m I haven’t really been getting the the second size in too much lately.
2. Yes the pain is as I go deeper b. It isn’t every time so maybe it’s the angle I’m going in at?
3. Yes the pain does go away immediately
4. I’ve tried a few different types of lubricant and I’ve had the most luck with Astro glide. I know you guys recommend sliquid and coconut oil but I didn’t really like either of those.
I should also mention I’ve mostly been using the dilators from intimate rose. On really good days I can sometimes use the one I received from Your office but I don’t usually have as much luck with that one.
Thanks!

[Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNM]

Hi Jaclynfich,
It could be the angle. If you’re inserting a little too anteriorly (or up towards your belly button), you could possibly be pressing on your urethra, which could be uncomfortable. Perhaps next time try to insert with a little more downward pressure initially, to see if that makes a difference. Angle of insertion makes such a big difference w dilation and every woman unfortunately has to figure that out through repeated dilation. But once you get the sense of it, it often becomes somewhat intuitive.
Please keep us posted!

[recessivegenequeen]

Hi Jaclynfich – hope dilating has been going well for you! Are you still feeling stabbing pain or did changing the angle help? Let us know if you have any questions!