Can’t go beyon Dilator#2

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    Hello lovely ladies,

    I am new to this forum. I have recently started dilating again after a few years and unable to go past Dilator#2. I could get in the Dilator 2 within 3 days of starting Dilation. Please guide me how to go further as I feel I am not progressing 🙁 I am using KY Jelly as a lubricant. Should I change my lubricant? Should I train more with dilator #2? When I am trying to use Dilator#3, it’s like a dead end with it sitting at the entrance of my vagina and not moving in at all. Please Advise. Look forward to help!!


    Hi Optimistgirl,

    Welcome to the forum…and I love your user name! We all need a little optimism right now.

    I’m so glad that you have found our forum after taking a break from dilation for a few years. It can be very frustrating when you are not making progress.

    I would for sure keep using the second dilator, and really try to move it back and forth, in and out, to try to stretch the vaginal opening. If you can sleep with the dilator over night, I would also try that. After a good long session of using dilator number two, either sleeping with it inside, or moving it around, I would then try dilator #3. Getting the #3 dilator in might cause some pain, as you will be stretching the opening more than ever before, but you need to push through that opening, and you might need to use more pressure than you think you should. But the muscles and the tissue should give.

    Some women who have a thicker than usual hymenal ring/hymen tissue, sometimes really struggle getting bigger dilators inside, as the hymen is a real physical barrier to over come. Something you can investigate is getting a hymenotomy or hymenectomy, where they will cut or remove some of that tissue to make the vaginal opening a little bigger and that usually will make penetration a lot easier.

    You can always try a different lubricant, we like sliquid silk, but there are lots out there. KY is not my favorite. You can try coconut oil too.

    Another idea is to try some topical lidocaine cream or ointment at the vaginal entrance prior to dilation. You can buy this over the counter and use at the vaginal entrance safely. Apply it about 10 min before you dilate and see if that helps take away some of the sting/pain, so you can push the dilator in.

    Keep us updated!



    Love all of Melissa’s advice here and I recommend all of it myself as a former vaginismus sufferer – especially making sure you’re super super comfortable with dilator #2 (can move it around, insert in and out several times, etc) in a session before moving to #3. Also just remember that progress in treating vaginismus isn’t just a straight upward line; sometimes progress will be fast, other times it will be slow, and there will be setbacks along the way. What’s important is to just keep working at it regularly and give yourself grace as you go, and you’ll get there in the end. Let us know how Melissa’s suggestions work out!


    I second all of Melissa’s advice. Finding the right lubricant, and getting completely comfortable with the previous dilator is really important! Not too long ago I was struggling with the same thing. Weeks went by and I couldn’t get the 3rd dilator in. I felt defeated and like I wouldn’t make any progress. But just recently I used a vibrator during my dilation session and it relaxed my muscles enough that I was finally able to get the tip in without it just sitting at the entrance. If you would feel comfortable purchasing something similar I would highly recommend. I was grinning ear to ear when I finally made this progress.


    Hi Optimistgirl,
    checking in to see how you’re doing and if you were able to implement some of the suggestions you have received above. I love phia2020’s suggestion of using a vibrator with dilation. There are different sizes of internal vibrators that you could use as a dilator; sometimes the vibration helps to relax the muscles just enough, as it did with phia2020, that dilating with a slightly larger size becomes possible. A company realized this effect and recently created a dilator with a vibration option:

    Some patients love the milli dilator and others find a similar benefit with an internal (as opposed to an external/clitoral) vibrator, which would likely be less expensive.

    Send an update when you get a chance!

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