My Success Story!
April 24, 2020 at 6:43 am #28102melbartistParticipant
I battled with vaginismus for just over 4 years and of February 2020 I was finally able to have sex with my long term boyfriend! I was never given a proper diagnosis from a doctor as no doctor took me or my pain seriously. Just about every doctor saw that I was a young girl and without running any tests chalked my pain up to “sex can just be a little more painful for some women than others” or that “its just what it’s like to be a woman.” I’ve experienced pap smear horror stories, self loathing, feeling like I was less of a woman, the fear of my boyfriend leaving and so much more but I guarantee things will get better.
What cured me was dilating every single day. My partner and I told each other that once I start dilating we’ll just take a break from trying to have penetrative sex and focus on dilating and once I reached the last dilator we’ll start trying again. Stupidly, I got ahead of myself, lost faith in the dilators and we tried having penetrative sex too early and it just set me back completely. My advice would be to trust the process and stay persistent with the dilators, they will take time but it’s worth it in the end. Eventually we set a realistic goal with the dilators and when that day came, I was finally able to have penetrative sex for the first time and I seriously felt this weight lift from my shoulders.
Being on the other end of things now has made me realise how emotionally draining it is to have Vaginismus and I don’t think I was aware of the toll It had on my mental health. As a teenaged girl I really struggled opening up to my friends about it because I felt so embarrassed and felt so alone for so many years. I think it’s so important for anyone who has Vaginismus to know theyre not alone, theyre not broken and that they will get through this. Opening up to someone you trust can really change things so much. Just a few months before I could successfully have penetrative sex I started reaching out to my friends about what I had been going through for the past 4 years. And I think it was a pivotal moment in my life where I didnt feel so ashamed about having Vaginismus because Vaginismus is nothing to be ashamed about.
I hope this helps someone out there struggling right now, I hope you know you’re so strong and you’re not alone!April 24, 2020 at 10:46 am #28118Leslie Turner, WHNP, CNMModerator
This is SO amazing! Thank you so much for sharing this with us! There is so much I love about what you wrote!
First, I want to acknowledge you for moving forward in your healing journey despite not having a supportive clinician. That is such a testament to your strength and courage! Many women are on the receiving end of these negative (and untrue) messages about intercourse. I’m so glad that that didn’t stop you.
And you are spot on in your assessment that the consistent, daily dilation made all the difference. It can be very challenging to dilate, much less to dilate every day. That you did just that is truly amazing.
I also think that by opening up about vaginismus to your friends, that you released some of the bonds or control it had over you. Vaginismus is a very treatable condition, but far too many aren’t aware of that and as a result suffer for way too long in silence and shame. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s not something any woman should feel she needs to be silent about.
I also loved that you shared about attempting intercourse before you were quite ready and how that impacted you. Many women experience that, and it usually just means that they need to dilate a little more. Kudos to your boyfriend for also realizing that and supporting you in your process!
You are wise beyond your years. Please keep posting on the forum. This story is a gift to women suffering from vaginismus and your voice definitely needs to be heard!May 11, 2020 at 11:03 am #29010recessivegenequeenParticipant
Melbartist, congratulations on having penetrative sex with your boyfriend and sticking with dilating! This is an amazing story and I’m so glad to hear that treatment worked for you in the ways you wanted it to. When I was dilating I made some of the same mistakes you did along the way (especially trying to get ahead of my dilation program) but like you, once I focused on making progress one day at a time, I found that I was ready to finally have sex.
I totally agree with what you say about how draining it is on your mental health, especially to keep vaginismus a secret from everyone in your life and feel ashamed all the time. Having that daily burden lifted from my mind was worth just as much as finally being able to have sex, for me.
Thank you so much for sharing your story – it helps so much for other people who are going through this to see that a better life – and sex without pain – are possible.
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