Continued from Wednesday…..
For the most part it seems that Sex Week became a way to highlight diversity and kink with sex. I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think exposing people who are interested in non-vanilla sex is useful and there aren’t too many safe arenas in which this can happen. However, it would appear that may be all that is happening during Sex Week. If the goal is really and truly to open a conversation for all students on campus, it seems the curriculum is missing a lot. Where are the sessions that talk about helping students define their own values in regard to sex? Where are the sessions that talk about the pluses and minuses of heteronormative sexual relationships? Where are the workshops that discuss the pluses and minuses of monogamy? Where are the workshops that deal with common problems women have with pain, birth control and low desire? Where are the workshops that deal with common problems men have including premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and low desire? Where are the workshops that teach women how to have orgasms? Where are the workshops that talk about sex therapy and surrogacy? Where are the sessions that talk about sex in the context of short-term versus long-term relationships? Where are the sessions that talk about sexual choices in the context of (dare I say it) religion?
Kink and pornography are great things. Really. I have met some pretty darn impressive porn stars in my life (really, meeting a pretty well known porn star in a Manhattan kosher restaurant over sushi may have been one of the most fun ironies of my life). However, kink and pornography fall into a small spectrum of what most people need to know in order to make the best choices and address their sex lives.
For most people sex is more than an “act” or a behavior. It does not exist in a vacuum and it is essentially one part of the larger way we choose to live. And, if pushed to the wall, most people usually want to see their sex life as part of a larger picture. I don’t believe there is one perfect way to be happy sexually. I think it is dependent on what people want from their lives. I have people who come to me saying that they are “part of the lifestyle” (read, they take part in group sex), and their desire is too low and they need help. And I have people who come to me who want to have great sex in the context of a heterosexual monogamous relationship. And I don’t think, in my heart of hearts, that one is objectively better than the other, nor do I believe that everyone has to experience everything in order to be happy sexually.
I do think people have to feel like they have thoughtfully considered their options, made informed decisions and come to the conclusion that currently makes them happy. And that, in the end, seems to me to be the ultimate goal of Sex Week, to enable students to think through the issues, understand fully their choices, speak with others who have made similar choices and forge ahead with their decisions. I know that’s what I’d want for my sons. I hope the organizers of sex week can take on the challenge.