[Catherine]

Hello All!

I just wanted to send along this additional note of encouragement and gratitude…

Two years ago today, my husband and I met Dr. Pacik for the first time — and his procedure changed our lives.

Like so many on this forum, I was completely unable to have sex with my husband. At 39 + and two years married, I felt utterly frustrated, misunderstood, and isolated. Thanks to Dr. Pacik and his team, after just a few weeks post treatment and dilation, we were able to have pain-free sexual relations. Absolutely incredible.

Today I am adding one additional post-script: my husband and I are now six months pregnant…. awaiting a baby girl this September. The miracle continues : )

For anyone questioning this procedure, take this to heart. Fear not!

May you know all that life can offer…. !

Thank you, Dr. Pacik!! – Mary Jo “Catherine” Casilio

[Catherine]

Yes, certainly for my husband and I, it was tricky transitioning from regular dilation to intercourse. Post our procedure, even after weeks of consistent dilation (at least 2 hours/day or night with the pink and/or blue) and a patient partner, we struggled with the actual mechanics of intercourse. As Dr. Pacik points out in this thread, the need to be “in sync” is crucial. For us, it has helped to attempt a side-by-side position where my husband inserts – essentially – facing my back. I never thought I would be comfortable with this set-up (seemed unromantic / awkward), but that’s how we were able to make things “fit” – at least for now.

It has been nearly 5 months since our first intercourse (took us about 1 month post procedure, including a few “failed” attempts), and we are still working on finding other positions – ones that are feasible, comfortable, and romantic. To be quite honest, this morning we tried the woman on top position – but – at least at this point – were not able to achieve insertion. I remain hopeful that with more practice we will find other possible intercourse positions.

As I reflect on all of this, I would highly recommend that women/couples working on intercourse “post vaginisums” (so to speak) really need to devote time to sex and sexual activity. To be perfectly candid, right now, that is our biggest stumbling block. With busy lives , it can require significant time and energy to put both the man and woman in the right frame of mind for this kind of mental, physical, emotional exercise. Wherever possible, couples may need to schedule days / time away (think second honeymoon(s)) to heal, connect, and grow.

Hope this helps!

[Catherine]

Allie —

I am so very happy for you!!! Can you believe it? Wonderful, wonderful news!!! What do you think — Dr. Pacik is a miracle-worker!

[Catherine]

Allie — you are on the right road. Be confident and be excited! You will be in great hands. And – your life and your marriage are about to change for the better : ) From one “survivor” to another! Love and prayers… Catherine : )

[Catherine]

Same here, Kiwi! I also suffered from primary vaginismus for my entire adult life. In April of this past year – at age 39, I discovered Dr. Pacik and his work through this website. For the first time, it appeared that I found a doctor who understood the severity of my sexual / physical limitations, and had a proven plan to help me/us overcome it. In June, my husband and I traveled to New Hampshire, and had the procedure done. Just like the other stories above, we too were able to have successful, pain-free intercourse within just a few short weeks post procedure. Seemed absolutely surreal- both then and now. Dr. Pacik and his entire team will treat you with respect, gentleness, and care. Have hope!!

[Catherine]

Sofi —

Thanks so much for sharing this news. I had Dr. Pacik’s procedure about 3 months ago, and hearing your report gives us great hope! Keep us posted on your progress! —

[Catherine]

Ellen and Dr. Pacik —

This is a very helpful post. Thank you for sharing these explicit tips. My husband and I have had a few minor issues with slippage, and I think we will try a few of these techniques. As you know (and as I mentioned in a different post), using the side-by-side position has helped us a great deal with entry. These tips should further assist … Good stuff! — Catherine mj : )

[Catherine]

Allie —

It’s funny — I had a similar anxiety. Was not nervous about the Botox treatment — but I did worry about dilation. I mostly wondered if I could commit to nightly dilation. Like you, I also had a set of dilators from another doctor, and I had made some progress (just nothing consistent enough to have intercourse). When/how would I find the time to do this? Am I going to be uncomfortable and alone every night for the next year when I did this work? Would I have to give up some of my activities just to dilate? (Would I gain weight because I would no longer have time for the gym? ) (Thankfully — no, no, and no.)

Simply know that you will be very surprised how your body and mind changes to accept the dilators — and how you will be able to fit them into your regular schedule. I have started thinking of the dilators like retainers (dental). Just as an adolescent would wear a retainer for a period of time (every night for a year, for instance) to correct some kind of dental condition, that’s what I / we need to do to re-teach our vaginal/pelvic muscles. My husband reminds me that I am setting myself (us) up for the rest of my life. No worries — all worth it!

[Catherine]

Allie —

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I could not wait to share it with my husband, especially since our story is so similar to yours. We are so sorry that you have had to suffer so much isolation and grief. Heart-wrenching. The good news — you are now on the right road! My husband and I are still elated that – post Dr. Pacik & his treatment- we now actually have a sexual relationship. Given your timeline – you are set up for an incredible Christmas gift! If you have any additional questions, please ask. AND, if you (and/or your husband) would like to talk with us via phone, please ask Dr. Pacik for our contact information.

[Catherine]

Annabel —

Have you tried using some kind of vibrator while you attempt dilation? The Candystick that Dr. Pacik recommends has helped relax my vagina and pelvic floor during dilation. During the first week to ten days of dilation (post-procedure), I also continued to use the Lidocaine lubricant mixture. This medicated-type mixture did / does provide a bit of a numbing effect that took away some of the pain/discomfort/ residual tightness. (what Dr. Pacik sometimes calls “strong virginal musculature).”

One other possibility to consider…. Prior to my visit / procedure with Dr. Pacik, my primary doctor suggested that I use Xanax to reduce anxiety during dilation. While I had my doubts about this (did not want any side effects, etc.), I will admit that I made far more progress with dilation using the Xanax than without it. Though I have not used the drug post the procedure, it may be something you wish to consider to assist you in these first few weeks.

I would include this question with your e-mails and logs to Dr. Pacik, and see what he might suggest moving forward.

Good luck!

[Catherine]

Heather, you and your hubbie have far more experience than my husband and I do. However, Dr. Pacik was instrumental in helping us find a position that would work for us. We, too, have used a come-from-behind type style, but – to me – it feels a little bit more like spooning – with my husband behind me. I need to adjust my top leg (lean that forward), but it does avoid “leg lock” and allows my husband easy “access.” (I’m not sure if this would fit in the “doggy-style” category. Probably — since it is come-from-behind?) Eventually, we would also like to try other positions, particularly something where we could be facing each other.

[Catherine]

I seem to recall Love Affair with Annette Benning/Warren Beatty – wonderfully sultry.

While it may seem “cheesy” for some or too “young” — but Dirty Dancing – very sensual.

[Catherine]

I could not agree more. Prior to having the Botox treatment with Dr. Pacik, I was trying to dilate on my own at home. For a variety of reasons, I found every reason to avoid / postpone / procrastinate with the dilating (eg: not in the mood, too tired, does not seem effective, not sure if I’m doing it “right,” can’t get very far with these, “stuck” in the same spot, progress stunted or even reversed, feel like a “crazy woman” doing this, would rather be relaxing with my husband/can’t let him see me like this, embarrassed, etc). As you can tell by my laundry list of excuses, there was lots of uncertainty, awkwardness, and negative self-talk involved with dilation.

Thankfully, Dr. Pacik’s 1-2-3 punch reversed all of this. Now that I’m under a doctor’s care -with VERY SPECIFIC directions of how, when, and how much to dilate – the excuses have seemed to melt away. Plus, my body is cooperating AND my husband is completely “in” on the expectations and the process. Not only has he seen me with a dilator in me, but he even knows how to insert one in me. But, as you mention, Heather, perhaps the most significant aspect of Dr. Pacik’s “prescription”: the daily reports! Because I know that I need to TELL my doctor IF/HOW I’ve actually “done my homework” — I’m more likely to get the job done.

[Catherine]

Dear Forum Friends….
Just wanted to share our recent success story with you…

Evidently, there must be something to all of those 4th of July fireworks!! Actually, the real magic –as we all know – is Dr. Pacik. He is really so much more than a plastic surgeon. He is also a skilled therapist and a trusted counselor. My husband and I will forever be in his debt!

Our journey * pre-Dr. Pacik * is detailed in Catherine’s Story (found under Stories in the VaginismusMD website). In short, I was a virgin when I married at 37. For the two years since our summer 2010 wedding, intercourse has (or, as of this writing, HAD) been absolutely impossible. My husband and I started learning about vaginismus some months into our marriage. Based on our initial research, I tried working with dilators and even started using anti-anxiety medication. Nothing worked – until now.

After learning about Dr. Pacik’s work, we scheduled his Botox/Dilation/Counseling procedure for June 12, 2012. As his other patients will attest, Dr. Pacik and the entire team treat his patients with such dignity, respect, and sensitivity. The procedure itself was painless, and the follow-up care – including dilation instruction and related counseling – complete in every way.

Upon our return home (for us – about an eight hour car ride), I resolved to be as diligent as possible with the dilation exercises. This included two hours of daily dilation, as well as overnight “passive” dilation. Dr. Pacik asks each of his patients to send him an updated log each day, so that he can track progress and make appropriate recommendations. Clearly, this kind of monitoring and adjusting makes the follow-up care ideal. I know now that it set us up for success.

Since I was making strides in dilation (eg: anxiety under control, able to dilate up to the “Big Blue,” experimenting with the Candy Stick and XL glass dilators to better align with my husband’s circumference), my husband and I began to think seriously about transitioning to intercourse. However, when we had a second unsuccessful attempt on Day 18 post procedure, our collective anxiety rose considerably. Naturally, we started to worry: What if we were the one couple for whom this just doesn’t work? Was my husband really just too big for me? Is there something in me that unwittingly resists his advances?

Because of the daily communication with Dr. Pacik, our anxieties were quickly addressed. I e-mailed on a Sunday morning , and had specific guidance just a few short hours later. Besides an extensive follow-up e-mail, Dr. Pacik also offered to talk with us prior to our next attempt at intercourse. I don’t think I have ever met a doctor so committed to helping his patients. My husband and I talked long distance with Dr. Pacik for over an hour, the night before a national holiday. At that time, the doctor provided specific sexual counseling – even suggesting a position that might work for us. (Who knew?!?) He also gently facilitated a conversation around arousal and the significance of learning about and satisfying our partner’s respective needs. Such delicate items to discuss – yet, I’m learning, so vital. Truth be told: if I thought I was “exposed” in Dr. Pacik’s operating room a few short weeks ago, nothing prepared me for this form of vulnerability. Without a doubt, sexual intercourse is a mind-body-heart expression involving two total persons. Every aspect of both persons needs to be healthy (or at least as “healthy” as possible) in order for sex to be fulfilling and joyful.

Physically speaking, that night I followed a relatively aggressive dilation. Slept with the pink dilator (about 5 or 6 hours) and then dilated to the blue for about 90 minutes. We had also ordered a larger glass dilator – per an earlier suggestion from Dr. Pacik, and I dilated with that for about 30 minutes.

In full disclosure, my husband has also been struggling with erectile disfunction (ED), perhaps a consequence of his own health issues, but perhaps a result of the vaginismus. I share this because – obviously – this concern also need(ed) to be addressed along the way. While he is under another doctor’s care, his use of ED-medication (Viagra) was also key to our shared success. So… while I finished the dilation rotation, my husband took his medication, as well.

Emotionally or romantically speaking, my husband and I became more intimate, and then prepared for intercourse. While we had discussed keeping our goal for our “morning date” relatively modest (ie.: entry only), my husband was able – after just a few tries – to enter me, thrust, and achieve orgasm. There was minimal pain, just the sense of being “stretched” on the inside. Needless to say: this was no small victory. Even as I write this, it all seems quite surreal.

Moving forward… my husband and I recognize that there are many, many more steps on this journey. We have heard from other patients that sometimes the next attempt may not be as successful (at least in these beginning days). But we are committed to working on this together, to building the best possible intimate relationship, and the best possible marriage. Our sexuality is a great gift… one we give each other … and one the other gives us. (And – for far too long — it was a gift that had gone unwrapped!)

One final note… I shared this recent success story with a dear friend of mine earlier today. She asked me if the “end game” was conception, a baby. While my husband and I do love children and hope to build a family together, it seemed so clinical – and, on a variety of levels, so wrong – to call conception our “end game.” The communication and intimacy found inside our marriage has grown so much in the last few months, weeks, days – all in this effort to build a shared sexual life. I dare say THAT quiet, secret, closeness & vulnerability – being known and loved and accepted and adored & then knowing and loving someone in that same way – THAT is our “end game.” There are no fireworks that compare to that.

Please know that we are more than happy to correspond and/or talk with anyone struggling with these issues. Thanks to so many of Dr. Pacik’s patients who paved the way for us. You inspired us, and gave us the courage to pursue this journey. We are so very, very grateful.

[Catherine]

Dear Forum Friends….

When I shared the symptoms of my vaginismus with my primary doctor, she suggested that I use an anti-anxiety medication to assist me with dilation (prior to receiving treatment from Dr. Pacik). To my surprise, I did find that I was able to make more progress with dilation with the meds than without them (advancing several sizes – after months “stuck” at one of the smaller sizes). However, the meds seemed to make me mildly depressed and very tired. My husband was concerned about the impact the drug was having on my personality. From my experience though, I could see where limited doses of this medication could assist some women with milder cases of vaginismus.

[Author]

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