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Hi MazeMelissa. Thank you for responding. That is great information and I will start using the estrogen cream at the entrance prior to dilating and not insert the cream all the way back but more in the middle when applying the prescribed amount. There seems to be two places that are hard to get through; right after the opening and then a little further back. It will be a challenge for me because I have yet to be comfortable touching myself and in fact have never done that. Do you think it would be helpful to purchase the largest dilator and work with that one once I am able to accomplish the medium and large one without using lidocaine and insertion is not painful? I have been dilating with lidocaine prior to intercourse ever since the procedure. It would be so nice to get to a point where I don’t need to dilate because it makes intimacy non-intimate and more like a job. 🙁 I had been wondering if part of my problem is due to post menopause and being too dry. Your information made alot of sense. I so wish I knew if it was one or the other or both. Also I’m wondering if I should try the laser treatment. Would it be possible to do both the Botox treatment and the laser treatment at the same time? Living in Arizona makes traveling to New York expensive but definitely worth it but financially I wouldn’t be able to go three times in a year. Thanks again for getting back to me it means alot to me.

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Thank you for the encouragement recessivegenequeen. I’m so hoping I can figure this out. I don’t want to continue dilating for the rest of my life. 🙁

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Hi BG, you are so not alone. I will be 55 this year and suffered with Vaginismus most of my life. I copied “My Story” below (my introduction) that I wrote in September of 2012. I honestly had given up all hope especially due to my age and length of time having it. I had the procedure done in October of 2012 and after diligently using Dr. Pacik’s dilation program I was and still am able to have pain free intercourse. I also have a prescription of Estradiol that helps with the dryness that comes with “maturing”. I am so glad that you have been in touch with Janet and that you are completing the paperwork and will talk with Dr. Pacik. Janet, Dr. Pacik and his team are the most wonderful, understanding people you will ever meet and you will be in good hands. I am here for you if you have any questions or just want to chat. The Forum is a wonderful place to share your feelings with others that are going through every emotion and struggle that you have and are encountering with this awful condition. But there is hope and it is curable. You have found the right place. Take care….

I just turned 52 and have had vaginismus since I was a teenager (not knowing it at the time). I first realized something was wrong when I started menstruating and couldn’t use a tampon. It was like I was hitting a wall and I couldn’t insert it. I had a strict family and was told no sex before marriage and that if I did my hymen would be broken and my husband would know and be very upset with me. So I was very afraid of sex from the get go. It didn’t sound like fun to me, only painful. Out of high school I became engaged and we tried to have intercourse but again, my body wouldn’t let anything, anybody in. My fiancé was told that if he broke my hymen it would be all better and to get me drunk and when I was relaxed jam his fingers inside of me. Well we tried this and I knew, even though I was drunk, what was going to happen. When I finally relaxed and didn’t think he was going to do it he did and it was very painful and of course didn’t work. After that I have never trusted anyone, even my husband of 31 years down in that area. I was never able to have a pelvic exam. It always ended up with me crying and feeling so ashamed that I couldn’t allow them to get close to me. Finally with valium and a baby speculum I was able to give an exam. It was very uncomfortable and painful. My fiancé broke up with me and I knew it was because I was unable to have sex. So after that I tried to become promiscuous but of course my body would not let me. I felt like a freak, frustrated and depressed. My libido was great but I just couldn’t let anybody in. I met my husband and we decided to wait until marriage before we had intercourse. We did everything else but intercourse prior to being married. On our wedding day I was a nervous wreck worried about our first night. It was awful; as much as I wanted to I couldn’t have penetration. I cried and cried. It was the worst day of my life. After several attempts and a few years later I realized that we had never had penetration and we decided to seek out help. I had gone to a GYN appointment with my younger sister who had the same trouble with exams as I did. The doctor said that it was odd and asked if we had been sexually abused. We did not think so; it was the last thought in our minds. She suggested that we look into it as for both of us to have the same symptoms seemed odd to her. So I went to a sexual abuse seminar and they had a check sheet and I found that I had marked almost everything so they said I had been sexually abused. So I found a counselor and they were convinced that I was abused even though I had no memories. This was in 1992/93. I went into even deeper depression and started a support group class and one on one counseling. It was an awful time. Looking back on it, I know that I wasn’t sexually abused. It was the only way they knew how to diagnose me. It seemed like at that time “sexual abuse” was “coming out” and there were lots of diagnosis. I am sad about those many years because I ended my relationship with my Dad because of it. I lost several precious years with my Dad. I was never abused. I was severely misdiagnosed. After 15 years of struggling with this condition, feeling humiliated, that I was a freak, that my husband didn’t deserve me we found a doctor who diagnosed me with vaginismus. I underwent surgery to remove scar tissue, the outer ring of my hymen and an episiotomy. After I healed I was given dilators and lidocaine. It took a long time to work up to the largest dilator I was able to have intercourse. We found there was only one position for that would work and where I felt comfortable because I was in control. Several years later, on-line I found a self-inflating speculum that I purchased and take with me to my yearly exams. I have an awesome nurse practitioner who has had unbelieveable patience and has helped me through the exams. I have to take an anti-stress med before I go in, use lidocaine before I leave the house, use lidocaine when I get there and then I have to insert the inflating speculum in myself and then she pumps the air into it to inflate. Each time I am crying because I feel so humiliated that I can’t be normal. Until a few months ago, our love making consisted of me “getting prepared”. I would use lidocaine and a dilator prior to intercourse. Sometimes it would help and sometimes it wouldn’t but it would allow my husband to penetrate me. A few months ago I became extremely frustrated and wanted love making to be more spontaneous and loving, less robotic and so I started using the dilator without the lidocaine and started having intercourse without the lidocaine. We didn’t realize it but the lidocaine had also been numbing my husband all of these years. Penetration is extremely painful and I am an emotional wreck during and afterwards. I so want to be normal and be able to make love to my husband like a normal woman and be uninhibited. I just found Dr. Pacek’s website this last week and cannot believe how many women suffer from this. I am not alone and some women have it much worse than I do. It just breaks my heart because I know how it has made me feel all these years. I would not wish those feelings on anyone. It is truly devastating. I don’t know if there is hope for me since I have suffered with this for so long. I’m praying that Dr. Pacek will be an answer to my many years of prayer. I have been so blessed by a wonderful understanding husband, but I would give anything to be able to make love to my husband, truly make LOVE and not just perform the act with all the pain and tears. I am so sorry for all who have suffered through this awful condition and I’m so happy for those who have successes with Dr. Pacek’s treatment. I’m afraid for me, that I have had this too long for any hope. – See more at: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/support/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=297#sthash.LRyhWCFX.dpuf

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Hi Friend82, reading your post brings tears to my eyes and I hurt so much for you. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus as well as having cancer. Your vaginismus story sounds a little like my own. I’m 54 and married to my husband for 33 years. Up until 2 years ago (when I had the procedure) I was not able to have complete intercourse with my husband and when we tried the pain was excruciating. Like you, I wanted to wait until we were married before we had intercourse. Our wedding night was a nightmare as well as most of our married life when it came to intimacy and intercourse. Over the years I had tried everything under the sun, even had an episiotomy. We tried having a baby for several years, but between infertility and the inability to have intercourse we were unsuccessful. I am happy to say that we were blessed by two children through adoption. But I wanted to let you know that I totally understand your pain and everything you are going through. I had given up all hope of ever feeling like a “real” woman and being able to make love to my husband when I stumbled across this Forum and Dr. Pacik’s website. I just couldn’t believe that other women suffered with the same thing that I did. I was cautiously optimistic that this procedure could possibly work for me. It was the best decision I have ever made. With the combination of the procedure along with Dr. Pacik’s dilation program I am now able to have full penetration and make love with my husband pain free. I highly encourage you to call Dr. Pacik and talk to him. Dr. Pacik and his staff are so kind and empathic and truly understand what we all are going through, both physically and emotionally. For me the biggest challenge has been the mental component of it having suffered with vaginismus for so many years. But thanks to women sharing on the Forum and Dr. Pacik I am on the road to recovery. Please know that I am here for you and would be happy to answer any questions that you may have. I promise you, there is hope and you can be free from this awful condition that not only affects us physically but even more so mentally. Sending you a big hug.

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You have a very thoughtful and caring friend. I hope that her fundraising is a success so that you can have the procedure soon and be one step closer to being free from Vaginismus!

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Hi Kate, I’m so happy for you! Thank you for sharing your day with us so that we could celebrate with you! 🙂

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Hi Klove, just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and hope that you are starting to feel better. I’m so sorry that you have had all these challenges. Sending you a big hug!

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Hi npaul, I am 54 years old and had my procedure two years ago this October. I suffered from Vaginismus for approximately 32 years. I was never able to use tampons and was unable to have intercourse with my husband for most of our married life. I had given up all hope of ever being or feeling “normal” as I had tried everything under the sun with no success. Thank goodness I stumbled across Dr. Pacik’s website. I just couldn’t believe there were others that were going through the very same thing that I was and had the procedure and was able to have intercourse without pain. I was so excited but at the same time so nervous and anxious because I just knew I was going to be the one that it didn’t work for. Especially since I was 52 years old and suffered with Vaginismus for so long. Dr. Pacik and his team of professionals were so empathetic, understanding and loving throughout my procedure and visit. I was so nervous and scared. Dr. Pacik gave me something to help sleep the night before as well as take right before I got to the office to help take the edge off and relax me a little. I don’t remember much of the procedure other than having an IV inserted and waking up with the largest dilator in me. I had tears of joy throughout the next couple of days. I just couldn’t believe it. I am so very thankful and blessed as it did work for me as I know it will for you. Dr. Pacik’s dilation program afterwards not only built up my confidence in myself and what my body could do but also allowed me to make love to my husband and pain-free. You have taken a brave, huge step forward in getting rid of this awful condition. Thank you for sharing on the Forum as I know that it feels scary and very vulnerable to share our feelings since Vaginismus causes us to withdraw, feel embarrassed and insecure about ourselves. You are in my prayers and I am here for you. Big hug!

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Rachael, thank you so much for sharing. I’m going to order one ASAP! I have the Lelo but for some reason I’m not comfortable using it internally. Looking at the Tango looks much more doable. Thanks again for sharing!

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Hi Katie, I keep the glass dilators in their black fabric carrying case and then wrap clothes around them in the suitcase for extra protection. 🙂

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So happy for you, Sophie!

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What a blessing to have such a supportive boyfriend! So happy for you Lauxo. Thank you for sharing his message and congratulations on having your procedure!

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K Howard I’m so excited for you! What wonderful news!

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Thank you for posting this question as I have had mine for two years and hand wash them with warm soapy water inside and out and let them air dry. I too get the water spots and cloudiness and we have a water softener. With two teenage kids I have been very reluctant to put them in the dishwasher and also afraid they will break from the water being too hot. But I’m going to give it a try while the kids are in school. 23years I love what you said about the dilators being warm after using them and that we are “hot stuff”. 🙂

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Hi Viv, thank you so much for sharing your story and I’m so excited that you are going to have the procedure done. I will be 54 years old this next month and will be celebrating two years of having the procedure. I can so relate to so much of your story; not being able to use tampons, trying to have sex with several boys and being so humiliated that I couldn’t. I have been married to my husband for 33 years and most of our married life I was not able to have intercourse and/or when I could get some insertion it was extremely painful. I totally can understand being scared but I promise you it will be the best decision you have ever made. Dr. Pacik and his team are the most compassionate, understanding professionals I have ever met. They truly understand everything you have gone through up. I hope some of the other posts will help your Mom understand more about the procedure and feel better about you having it. Best of luck to you, Viv and I look forward to reading your success story!

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