Lots of Questions

[friend82]

This is difficult for me as only my husband and one friend are aware that I suffer from vaginismus. My husband is amazing and in the 15+ years we have been together he has never pressured me although I know it can’t be easy for him. We decided to wait until we were married to have sex but it never happened. It was frustrating but we weren’t ready to have children so maybe we didn’t feel the pressure to solve the problem. We have been able to arouse each other in other ways so although it hasn’t been ideal, we have remained intimate. I was diagnosed with cancer 5 hears ago so that changed our plans but, thankfully, we got through it. But then I was on a medication to keep my cancer away which caused depression, vaginal dryness and I couldn’t get aroused. After 2 1/2 years of dealing with those symptoms, I stopped taking the medication but vaginal dryness and the inability to get aroused has continued. I wonder if I am going through peri-menopause but I don’t know because I can’t have an exam because of my vaginismus. Now at time in my life where we are ready to have a baby and besides the above mentioned symptoms, there isn’t any reason why we shouldn’t be able to try, we can’t because of my issue. My husband is so supportive and tells me that we can adopt and while I am completely not against this and would love to adopt a baby if we couldn’t get pregnant, I want to be able to have sex. I want to for me and for him and for knowing that this was something that I could overcome. It is difficult to feel like I could fight cancer but not overcome this problem.

I am leary about this procedure because it is a surgery and because if something happens, I don’t want to have to explain to anyone what happened. I just want this to work and for us to be able to move on like normal adults and let life lead us where it is meant to go. But without some help, we are at a standstill.

I would greatly appreciate anyone’s thoughts, how the procedure worked for them and the transition from the procedure to intercourse.

[Nakitalab]

Hi Friend82, reading your post brings tears to my eyes and I hurt so much for you. I am so sorry for your struggles with vaginismus as well as having cancer. Your vaginismus story sounds a little like my own. I’m 54 and married to my husband for 33 years. Up until 2 years ago (when I had the procedure) I was not able to have complete intercourse with my husband and when we tried the pain was excruciating. Like you, I wanted to wait until we were married before we had intercourse. Our wedding night was a nightmare as well as most of our married life when it came to intimacy and intercourse. Over the years I had tried everything under the sun, even had an episiotomy. We tried having a baby for several years, but between infertility and the inability to have intercourse we were unsuccessful. I am happy to say that we were blessed by two children through adoption. But I wanted to let you know that I totally understand your pain and everything you are going through. I had given up all hope of ever feeling like a “real” woman and being able to make love to my husband when I stumbled across this Forum and Dr. Pacik’s website. I just couldn’t believe that other women suffered with the same thing that I did. I was cautiously optimistic that this procedure could possibly work for me. It was the best decision I have ever made. With the combination of the procedure along with Dr. Pacik’s dilation program I am now able to have full penetration and make love with my husband pain free. I highly encourage you to call Dr. Pacik and talk to him. Dr. Pacik and his staff are so kind and empathic and truly understand what we all are going through, both physically and emotionally. For me the biggest challenge has been the mental component of it having suffered with vaginismus for so many years. But thanks to women sharing on the Forum and Dr. Pacik I am on the road to recovery. Please know that I am here for you and would be happy to answer any questions that you may have. I promise you, there is hope and you can be free from this awful condition that not only affects us physically but even more so mentally. Sending you a big hug.

[Dr. Pacik]

Thank you Nakitalab for your thoughtful and kind response. I am always so happy knowing that you were able to overcome a condition that plagued you for so many years. Since your treatment you have added so much to the Forum.
I wanted to clear something up for friend82. Most of the time there is NO surgery, just injections using a tiny needle and progressive dilation under anesthesia. The needle is a 30 gauge insulin needle which diabetics use to inject themselves with insulin. Even when awake you can hardly feel the tiny puncture wound.
At times there is a constricting hymenal ring which needs to be released. Here too a simple snip is made on the sides, no sutures and no discomfort.
I think there are many who think the treatment is more than it is, so I am glad to have this opportunity to clear this up.