[millkait12]

Kaylee —

That message was so reassuring for me! I went to this doctor that had specific information about Vaginisimus on their website. When I called, the receptionist goes “vagin-a what?” Then, when I went in for my appointment the doctor didn’t even know what I was coming in for. Then, she knew what it was but didn’t know the extent to treating it…so I got referred over to another lady who yet again referred me to someone who could better assist me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around Dr. Pacik’s procedure, but I feel better about it everyday knowing so many girls have had a successful treatment. I haven’t given Physical Therapy a try yet, but I hear for most girls it doesn’t work.. and I am one of those who can’t seem to open the dilation box and get past it on my own. I am so proud of you Kaylee for going through with it and not backing out! That shows real strength and courage.

My boyfriend and I had another talk about this the other night, and I said something about how eventually I might want to go to New Hampshire for this… he told me he’d come with me. I then told him I didn’t want him to get sick of me if I can’t have sex… and he told me he will be OK with this forever.. 1 year, 7 years, etc. To know I have someone willing to commit to me without including sex in that package, really really helps me to relax.

Thank you so much for this! It really helped. I will talk to Janet about getting in touch with you.

[millkait12]

Nikitalab – I have had experiences like that before, where people just don’t really get it… but when you find that one person who will do whatever it takes to support you with it — makes you feel so much more relaxed with it!

Lotus – thank you! It is so refreshing!

[millkait12]

Kaylee —

That is great that you are going down for the procedure! I have heard nothing but good things about Dr. Pacik, but I have yet to take that step like you. My advice, even though I have not been through the procedure yet, would be to just relax… make the most of your stay! It’s a time to remember for the rest of your life because it is such an important step in the right direction!

You’re so right! It totally takes over your life… I went to the doctor yesterday, not to get a Pap or anything but to get blood drawn (so totally unrelated) but on the paper work they had me fill out… it said “last pap smear” and had a line through it… because it was incomplete. Little things like that bring me down a really dark road. When I am enjoying time with my boyfriend, not being able to share sex with him eats at me. Everytime I start my period, and have to use a pad, I think about when can I finally use a tampon… When I go to the doctor for a physical exam, I have to explain I cannot have a pap smear..and then it brings me back to my problem yet again. When my friends talk about sex, and people get pregnant, I wish it was me. It’s hard to find hope it’ll ever get better…but you’re taking such a huge step, Kaylee. And people like you who are getting the procedure make me realize it is hopeful for all of us! Good luck.

[millkait12]

Hey everyone! I find that a lot of guys (not all of course) are very sexually active. When a guy has had sex before in his life, I feel like it is very hard for him to resist having sex with you as his girlfriend. 100% of the people I have trusted with my secret never knew of it before. I actually remember how I figured out what it was — and it WASN’T through a doctor. Me and my three girlfriends were in my bedroom and talking about all the symptoms I had, and as we are googling almost all of what we were describing was under vaginisimus. Kinda unfortunate I had to be diagnosed by a group of friends versus a doctor at first, but then again almost no one has heard of this condition.

I kind of got off track, but as for building trust and communication with your partner .. it can be hard. There were so many doubts I had about telling my partners. They acted so understanding, and were thankful it was just that and not that I had a disease or anything. However, I can be a TOTAL flirt, just because I am naturally being me… and that comes across as if I want to have sex. A lot of guys I were with tried to just force it. I had one guy I dated who had a lot of previous sexual encounters, and he just didn’t get it. “Why don’t you just relax?” “Why is it so hard?” In fact, we’d be fooling around and he’d just stop saying he wasn’t horny anymore. I’d cry a few times, and he’d yell at me. You can imagine I’m not with him anymore, but I built trust with him and it failed. I am actually a very open person and most of my friends know what I am suffering with. Sometimes, they make jokes out of it that aren’t funny. And I cry.

I trust people easily, which can be good and bad. I trusted that guy I mentioned above but I knew he wasn’t my type. He cared way too much about sex, but I still told him. And I can guarantee he didn’t keep that a secret for long. Another guy I was with was the greatest guy, but he couldn’t handle a relationship. We tried to have sex a lot, but failed. I had a girlfriend of mine actually tell me I shouldn’t tell the next guy I am with that I have this problem until he falls in love with me. I said, “why would I wait until he falls in love with me? I didn’t wait until my last boyfriend fell in love with me before telling him.” She said “And look where that ended up.”

That comment made me resent her for a while until eventually I let her have it. That hurt, because she’s one person that would always talk about sex. In fact, she was ALL about sex. “Sex is the best, sex is so great, you can’t have a relationship without sex, that sucks you cant have sex”, you name it she said it…

Building trust is difficult, and building communication is as well. I failed a few times telling guys I barely knew that I had vaginisimus because I just assumed they’d want sex out of me. The guy I am dating now has no idea my problem, but he knows I have no interest in having sex right now. He knows I want to take it slow for my own reasons, and that’s too bad if he doesn’t like that. And I recommend that outlook to every girl suffering. I recommend this because building trust is important, and if you’re like me you trust people too easily with your personal life. The guy you are meant to be with forever doesn’t need to know until you are far enough in the relationship that it doesn’t matter. A guy that is going to try having sex with you when you’re not open to the idea isn’t a good guy for you to begin with. The guy I am dating told me “we can wait as long as you want, I just like hanging out with you.” It felt so great to hear a guy actually tell me sex isn’t important to him and he just likes ME…not my body parts.

Be careful before trusting people. The three guys I have told never needed to know because they weren’t guys I was supposed to be with forever. When you’re ready, you’ll know. 🙂

[millkait12]

Hi Scala411. I am sort of new to it as well and I think it was almost a year ago my gynecologist diagnosed me. I have had boyfriends on and off, and I have always told them that I have this problem and what not, and it never seemed to phase them … until a lot of my boyfriends wanted sex “sooo bad” they’d attempt it anyways. So, I think that it’s great you’ve found someone who loves you for you and not sex.

If you’re anything like me, I couldn’t even open my dilator box. I would get freaked out every time I’d try. I couldn’t use a tampon and still can’t. I can’t get pelvic exams.

I am just like you that I don’t want to do the exercises because I fear pain… and I had given up until I started talking to people who were familiar with Dr. Pacik’s treatment… and I still put it off. I don’t do anything to fix the problem. And it’s scary to think about what my future holds.

If I were you, I’d express to your sex therapist that you fear pain and make excuses for yourself to not do the exercises.

[millkait12]

I get so frustrated where I live because it took one of my doctors forever (and she still doesn’t know) to figure out why I couldn’t get an exam. She told me “oh thats really strange. you’re really tight. relax” when the problem was much bigger than that. Then I took it upon MYSELF to find a gyno who could better understand my problem and she was the one who diagnosed me. After that, I went to a sex therapist, who expected 400$ out of me, after prescribing my dilators. I went back and told her I couldn’t get myself to open the box. She thought that was “strange”.

And every doctor I go to asks “vagin..what?” And time and time again I am disappointed that I can’t have a single doctor to go to who is specialized in that area. I even went to a doctors office that had a whole website about vaginismus. When I got there, they asked me “what is it you’re here for exactly? Oh, ya I’ll need to pass you onto my colleague who knows better..” And I am just giving up.

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