Finally told him!
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March 22, 2013 at 4:41 pm #8864millkait12Participant
Hey all – been a while since I have posted on here!
But I just wanted to share — to all of those ladies who are single, or who have struggled to open up to their significant others or who have had failed relationships because of vaginismus.
My new boyfriend is 100% different from anyone I have ever dated in my life. We have moved very fast with opening up about our feelings, but only because I feel like I can trust him more so than I have about anyone else before. Unlike other people I have dated, sex seemed super important. The last guy I dated was a nutcase. He was a guy who had a lot of sexual experiences, and I felt like he could screw anything that walked. I opened up about vaginismus, and he seemed really understanding until he wanted sex really bad. And we’d try…but it wasn’t successful. “Why don’t you just relax?” And made me feel stupid. I’d cry sometimes, but he’d just get mad at me when I tried explaining why I was getting so emotional about my situation. After a couple guys, I was beginning to lose hope and wonder “will I ever find a guy who is OK with not having sex until my problem is fixed?” Sex seems to run a lot of relationships, and many people think you can’t have a longstanding relationship without sex… Which might be true in some cases, but reading all these posts it seems like a lot of girls have found guys who have waited until marriage.
My boyfriend doesn’t ask me if I want to try, and doesn’t try to force it in, and he never brings it up unless I want to talk about it. He said he will wait as long as I need to, and everyday he tells me I’m beautiful and tells me I deserve to be told that everyday. Sex to him is a bonus, but not a necessity. He is the FIRST guy I have honestly been able to say we are perfect without any of that. We have such an amazing relationship without the sexual activity. And most importantly, sex isn’t something he needs to feel secure in my relationship with him. I was wondering when it would be too soon to open up to him, but then I realized I don’t want to go on with a guy who can’t accept what I am going through and be supportive of it. I wasn’t surprised at his reaction because I knew he was a great guy with a great heart. I don’t think it’s possible for me to find someone else who is that kind-hearted to put my situation first. Unlike the other guy I dated, I am content. I don’t feel like I need to please him by giving myself up and doing things that I am uncomfortable with.
I hope everyone else has found that one guy who will be with them no matter what! I am finally one of them.March 24, 2013 at 1:12 am #11300NakitalabParticipant
Hi Millkait12, I’m so happy that your boyfriend is so understanding. I too have been fortunate to have an understanding husband and so very thankful for that. When I think back to the person who I was engaged to at one point and the awful outcome that would have resulted if we did get married, I am so very thankful that he did break up with me and I found the love of my life who loves for me who I am on the inside and not for what I can or cannot do. So very happy for you. Thank you for sharing!March 25, 2013 at 8:57 pm #11314lotus1000Participant
What wonderful news Milkait! It’s so important to be patient with yourself through the process and, if you have a partner, for him to be patient as well. Glad to know you feel that way about him!March 27, 2013 at 7:13 pm #11322millkait12Participant
Nikitalab – I have had experiences like that before, where people just don’t really get it… but when you find that one person who will do whatever it takes to support you with it — makes you feel so much more relaxed with it!
Lotus – thank you! It is so refreshing!
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