Newly Diagnosed with Vaginismus

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    Hello, I am a 20 year old girl from PA. I was recently diagnosed with Vaginismus. I first noticed something was wrong when I was 14 years old and began menstruating. The first time I tried to use a tampon I suffered from a sever shooting pain and every attempt afterward has ended in pain and anxiety (shaking hands, nausea, light-headed). I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about my problem. When I was 16, I got my first boyfriend and my mother forced me to go to the gynecologist to begin birth control, but I was unable to endure a physical exam because of the pain and intense fear. Every attempt at a sexual encounter has ended in pain, embarrassment, and guilt.

    I had given up all hope of ever fixing this problem… up until last year when I met the man of my dreams. At the time, I was suffering from severe anxiety to the point where I could not leave my house for months. He came to my house every night and sat with me, although we had only been dating for a few weeks. When any other man would have ran, he stayed right by my side and led me through the darkest time of my life. We are in the beginning stages of planning a wedding at the moment, but had never had vaginal intercourse.

    I recently purchased a dilator kit online and spoke with a sexual therapist about beginning a treatment plan, so that I can take my relationship to the next level. The hardest part is the fear of pain. I find myself coming up with reasons (the dumbest reasons ever) not to do my “exercises” at night. My fiance is very supportive, but after a year and a half of no sex, he is becoming antsy (which is completely understandable). He is beginning to lose faith in me that I will be able to work through this.

    Does anyone out there have any tips that may help me motivate myself or lessen the pain of the dilator exercises?


    Hi Scala411, I’m so glad that you found this website and the Forum. There are so many of us who are suffering or have suffered with Vaginismus and this Forum is a wonderful safe place to come to, to ask for advice, vent, share ups and downs. In regards to dilating, I highly recommend that you call and talk with Dr. Pacik. He is the most kind, compassionate doctor you will ever find who truly understands Vaginismus and what we all go through. I totally understand your fear of the pain as I suffered with this for most of my teen/adult life and I am 52 years old. Last October I had Dr. Pacik’s treatment and by day 14 I was able to have pain free intercourse. I still pinch myself after having intercourse with my husband because there has been no pain. You too can overcome Vaginismus. I promise! What type of dilators did you purchase? Are you using a lubricant? After the procedure Dr. Pacik recommends dilating for one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening and sleeping with the smaller one (#4) inserted every other night. In the beginning I found that I was most comfortable lying on my bed and watching tv for a distraction while I dilated, dilating with the smallest first and working up to the next larger one. Reading through the Forum you will see what works for others as well. Again, I highly highly recommend that you call and talk with Dr. Pacik. He will be able to answer all your questions. I look forward to reading your next post.


    Hi scala411. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles with vaginismus and I am so, so happy you have found Dr. Pacik’s website and this forum. I, too, struggled with vaginismus for several years and the majority of my relationship and marriage prior to finding Dr. Pacik’s treatment. I tried several other treatments prior, including using dilators on my own, PT, biofeedback, etc. and nothing worked to cure my vaginismus. You wrote “I find myself coming up with reasons not to do my exercises at night.” I ordered the dilator kit that you speak of as well and tried so hard to “will” myself to insert the dilators but I could never ever get past the pain/burning/resistance/fear in order for this to happen. It was a nightmare and I also made up reasons to not even try anymore after so many failed attempts.

    For me personally, Dr. Pacik’s treatment was the cure that my husband and I had searched for so long for as it combined both physical as well as emotional treatment for vaginismus. I had the 10-20 minute Botox procedure under anesthesia and then woke up with the largest silicone blue dilator inside of me (pure romance dilator set). This was a turning point for me as I realized for the first time that something of this size was inside of me entirely pain free and it gave me such increased confidence. Thereafter, you are assisted and taught how to insert, remove, and re-insert all of the sized dilators. This, too, was such an important aspect of the program. Prior to the procedure, I was so nervous that I would not be successful with this part of the program and would never be able to do what they were asking of me (i.e. inserting and removing these foreign objects of all sizes … even bigger than my husband). I couldn’t have been more wrong and the gentle approach they have to helping you learn how to do this and also supporting both you and your spouse/partner is like nothing else out there and so, so helpful and important to my overall success in being cured from vaginismus. Also, by practicing using the dilators (again, of all sizes) together with your partner, it may sound funny, but it brings you so much closer and builds trust. For my husband, this was the first time he was able to see something inside of me pain-free and he was in shock and just so happy that I wasn’t wincing in pain or saying – ow, ow, ow. For me, by allowing him to be present and even help remove and reinsert the dilators, it helped me to trust him so much more and also associate him with good and positive feelings and not pain.

    Then, I also mentioned that there is such an important emotional component of Dr. Pacik’s treatment program. On Day 2, there is comprehensive counseling about so many aspects of vaginismus, including its impact on relationships, ways to develop both your romantic and also intimate relationship for either the first time or again, how to support and grow with each other, and just so many more topics. Additionally, and something that is lacking in other treatment programs out there, there is comprehensive follow-up in which you have to stick to a daily dilation schedule and report your dilation, pain, and anxiety in a daily log to Dr. Pacik and the staff. This component, again, is crucial to succeeding and truly curing vaginismus as it keeps you accountable for your own progress and is also incredibly supportive. I would urge you to contact Dr. Pacik’s office to discuss treatment options (1-603-669-0290 or 1-800-640-0290).

    Can’t wait to read more of your posts!!!


    Hi Scala411. I am sort of new to it as well and I think it was almost a year ago my gynecologist diagnosed me. I have had boyfriends on and off, and I have always told them that I have this problem and what not, and it never seemed to phase them … until a lot of my boyfriends wanted sex “sooo bad” they’d attempt it anyways. So, I think that it’s great you’ve found someone who loves you for you and not sex.

    If you’re anything like me, I couldn’t even open my dilator box. I would get freaked out every time I’d try. I couldn’t use a tampon and still can’t. I can’t get pelvic exams.

    I am just like you that I don’t want to do the exercises because I fear pain… and I had given up until I started talking to people who were familiar with Dr. Pacik’s treatment… and I still put it off. I don’t do anything to fix the problem. And it’s scary to think about what my future holds.

    If I were you, I’d express to your sex therapist that you fear pain and make excuses for yourself to not do the exercises.


    Hi millkait and scala411. Millkait, you wrote “I started talking to people who were familiar with Dr. Pacik’s treatment … and I still put it off. I don’t do anything to fix the problem.” I think you are both AMAZING woman and you ARE doing something very, very brave to address vaginismus. Just by joining this Forum, you have taken such an important step that you may not even realize yet. As I sit here and write, I am honestly smiling so huge knowing that you both have the knowledge of a) your condition of vaginismus, b) that a treatment and cure exists with Dr. Pacik, and c) that you have a tremendous support network of over 300 other women who know and understand what you are experiencing and want to help and support you to overcome. When I was 20 and 21, your ages, I had no idea at all why I couldn’t have sex with my boyfriends and why I felt this excruciating pain and resistance at any attempts at ob/gyn exams. I had so many friends in college and felt like I could tell none of them about this problem as they were enjoying sex and I felt the complete opposite. I would visit the university health clinic off and on but could never undergo an exam. So, I suffered in complete silence and told no one at all and did absolutely nothing about it until meeting my now husband. Then, we spent years trying and failing at different treatments until I discovered Dr. Pacik and had his procedure. I know I’ve said it so many times but will say it again, it was the best decision of my life. I am 100% here to support you both and know that you, too, will be able to overcome vaginismus completely!!!! I can’t wait to read more of your posts.

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