My Story

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  • #8834
    millkait12
    Participant

    Hi all! Heather posted my comment about “how do you tell your boyfriend about vaginisimus?”

    I am now able to access the forum myself! And I am so happy to see so many people struggling with the same thing I am. I always needed the comfort.

    I am 21 years old, and I have been sexually active. I have had many boyfriends, and I never realized I had something until sex to me got a LOT more serious… I eventually had to tell every guy I was going to be sexually active with, that I had vaginisimus. The first guy I ever told… I took 15 minutes to spit out one sentence. But he understood, and so did the next guy and so did the next guy. But I need more than understanding… and it is a constant damper on my mood and I need support for it! My mom and I are the best of friends. She is trying so hard to make me better. I see my niece and how she has been growing so big and I think to myself “will I ever be able to have kids?” And my friends talk like “when I have kids …. ” and I still think… will that ever be me?

    I am one of those patients that can’t even get herself to open the dilator box. I cant get myself to relax. I refuse physical exams in the doctors office. There was one time I almost cried I was so scared she’d try to give me one. And I am constantly reminded everytime I find a new guy I like, about whether or not he’ll want to stick around if I can’t even have successful intercourse. It’s not normal, and my friends talk about how great sex is and I will never know. Or I don’t know right now at least. I can’t imagine the thought of anything all the way “up” there… without cringing and tensing up. I am looking forward to getting to know some of you who experience the same thing I do on a daily basis.

    Thanks!

    #11175
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi millkait12. Welcome to the Forum and thank you for your post. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles with vaginismus and I am so, so happy you have found Dr. Pacik’s website and this forum. This Forum is a tremendous avenue of support as so many of the girls are either going through or have gone through exactly what you are experiencing right now and we are all here to support you. As you are aware, I, too, struggled with vaginismus for several years and the majority of my relationship and marriage prior to finding Dr. Pacik’s treatment. I tried several other treatments prior, including using dilators on my own, PT, biofeedback, etc. and nothing worked to cure my vaginismus. You wrote “I refuse physical exams in the doctor’s office.” This is exactly what I did as well while suffering from vaginismus and it was a very painful experience, both physically and emotionally. This is another area in which I tried to “will” myself to do it and it always ended in extreme embarrassment and tears as I felt like it wasn’t physically possible and a considerable amount of doctors truly do not understand what vaginismus is and also what a patient goes through with a routine exam. I can promise you that Dr. Pacik is not like any of these doctors at all which was so refreshing for my husband and I to see. In addition to being kind, caring, and compassionate, he is also incredibly knowledgeable about all aspects of the condition of vaginismus and the symptoms experienced, including heightened anxiety and this physical resistance feeling to insertion. It was just an excellent idea all around to have this procedure and one that I would recommend to any and everyone reading this. It cured my vaginismus after a 15-year struggle and when nothing else worked!!! Please know that we are all here to support you and I can’t wait to read more of your posts!

    #11178
    Allie
    Participant

    Hi Millkat. So sorry about everything you are going through. Vaginismus used to control every aspect of my life. Like you, I would “cringe” at the thought of anything being completely inside of me. I was so worried that I would never be able to have children. I too have a niece and I remeber the day she was born, it was so bittersweet as I remember thinking “will I ever be able to experience this?” I tried EVERYTHING before finding Dr. Pacik’s website. I am now over 4 months post procedure. I am able to dilate regularly with zero pain(I NEVER have been able to insert a dilator), and my husband and I are able to experience pain free sex!

    I was just telling my mom the other day that before overcoming vaginismus I thought about it everyday of my life. Like I said it absolutely controlled me. Now not a day goes by that I don’t think about Dr. Pacik and his wonderful staff who changed my life. You will not meet a more genuine, caring doctor. Like Heather said we all are here to support you through your journey. You are no longer alone!

    Allie:)

    #11182
    millkait12
    Participant

    I get so frustrated where I live because it took one of my doctors forever (and she still doesn’t know) to figure out why I couldn’t get an exam. She told me “oh thats really strange. you’re really tight. relax” when the problem was much bigger than that. Then I took it upon MYSELF to find a gyno who could better understand my problem and she was the one who diagnosed me. After that, I went to a sex therapist, who expected 400$ out of me, after prescribing my dilators. I went back and told her I couldn’t get myself to open the box. She thought that was “strange”.

    And every doctor I go to asks “vagin..what?” And time and time again I am disappointed that I can’t have a single doctor to go to who is specialized in that area. I even went to a doctors office that had a whole website about vaginismus. When I got there, they asked me “what is it you’re here for exactly? Oh, ya I’ll need to pass you onto my colleague who knows better..” And I am just giving up.

    #11184
    Vashalla
    Participant

    Yeah, that is really frustrating trying to find a doctor who actually knows what you’re talking about. I found one in my area, fortunately. The whole office seems to know about it, in fact. At least, the doctors and the nurse practitioners do, which is the important part. When I was looking around for a doctor, I called the office and asked to speak with a nurse. When I got the nurse, I explained my situation and asked if the doctor knew what vaginismus was, and if she’d had any experience with it. It’s hard to talk about, especially to a complete stranger who may just think you’re crazy, but I much preferred doing that to having to make appointment after appointment trying to find a good doctor. I just don’t have the time or the money to bounce from one doctor to the next.

    #11193
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    It can be so frustrating, like you wrote Millkait, when the doctors don’t know what vaginismus is or the symptoms associated with it. I once visited an ob/gyn who diagnosed me immediately with vulvodynia and refused to examine me ever again until I visited a sex therapist. This was a false positive diagnosis as I had an extreme anxiety reaction at any touch in that area while having vaginismus and reacted so. I then had my treatment with Dr. Pacik and was cured from my real diagnosis of vaginismus. A refreshing thing for both my hubby and I to see was just how much Dr. Pacik and every single member of his staff knew about vaginismus. I didn’t have to go in and explain what I had and to feel embarrassed or like I was crazy. They were the ones who knew about vaginismus and truly cared so, so much about making sure we were treated and cured. Your post reminds me that so much more needs to be done to spread the word about the condition of vaginismus so other doctors know of it and never make another women feel like this again. Vashalla, I think it’s wonderful that they know of it in your area and I love your idea of calling a physician’s office in advance to ask if they know of vaginismus. Can’t wait to read more of your posts girls!

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