[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi!
Your post is appreciated. It sounds like you really want to be there for your partner. You can continue to show compassion and understanding, as you have been doing, as well as encourage her to get the treatment she needs. Vaginismus is very treatable/curable. Feelings of guilt and shame often accompany this condition and can be worked through. We cannot control how someone else is feeling however, we can let them know they are not alone and be there for them.
We treat vaginismus at Maze and understand that it is a physiological issue which requires a physiological treatment. And, there is usually an emotional component to it which also needs to be addressed.
Thanks for posting and let us know how you both are doing.
Thanks,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Bettyslocombe,
So glad that you posted on the forum, speaking about navigating vaginismus treatment and working on your relationship. You are going to have ups and downs, times that you feel you are exhausted and times where you feel more equipped and energized. Be kind to yourself, and all you need to know is that it’s a process and slow progress is progress. You will get there with all the feelings that come with it. This is a challenging condition both physically and emotionally – we know this. It’s important to also remind yourself that this is one part of your life and note the things in your life that are not fraught (I’m sure you will be able to list many!). Use your team and know that the forum is here for support as well.
Keep us posted,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Patty22,
You have come to the right place! Congratulations on completing your pelvic therapy and being able to insert all the dilators. Even if you don’t currently have a partner it’s important to continue some form of “maintenance dilation” to ensure that the muscles stay stretched,open,relaxed… Your “efforts will not be worthless”. You will be able to now have gyn exams without dread, and if you feel like using tampons they will now be comfortable to insert and remove. You can use an internal vibrator which will offer an internal massage and is less clinical than inserting a dilator. It’s important to be dilating with a size that is a touch larger (wider) than a partner when you feel ready to have intercourse. It’s important to be ready both physically and emotionally . You get to choose who it is you want to have first intercourse with, whether it’s a one night stand, a friends with benefits arrangement, a surrogate, or whomever you feel safe to share in this experience with you!
Take care and keep us posted,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

I’m so glad sammy2021 brought this up and love your response Heather ! At Maze, a lot of women who come to see us for painful penetration will say they had difficulty inserting a tampon when they were teenagers. Vaginismus lives on a continuum of pain and anxiety around pain, and difficulty with tampon use can be an indicator. Perhaps putting organic coconut oil on the tampon may make inserting it more comfortable. If it’s difficult or “impossible” to put something inside the vagina it’s a good idea to check things out with a sensitive medical provider. That said, wearing tampons, using a menstrual cup or choosing pads when you have your period are all good choices and of course choose what’s best for you.!

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Adri226,
I’m Helen , one of the therapists at Maze. Heather and recessivegenequeen have attested to their success with the Botox procedure (ladies you are awesome!!!) Adri, please feel free to call us for a free 10 minute consultation so that we can hear more of what you are experiencing and give you direct and current info regarding the Botox procedure. We are all here to help.

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi tetra444, Congrats on being able to have penetrative sex and having pursued pelvic floor PT. Our maintenance dilation protocol at Maze is that once you have had pain free successful intercourse a bunch of times putting something inside the vagina 3X a week whether it’s a dilator, dildo, penis… is important to make sure the muscles “remember” to stretch and relax! Soreness after can be because the tissue at the entryway to the vagina (the vestibule) is somewhat fragile and the penis is putting pressure on that area through thrusting and moving in and out. Perhaps massaging coconut oil at the entryway will help or discussing it with your gyn. Our vulvar/vaginal tissue is dependent on hormones to stay well elasticized and perhaps your gyn can prescribe a topical hormonal cream or suppository that can help.
Keep us posted,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Elisabeth and welcome to the Forum! There’s much misinformation out there! The hymen is not a myth, however, for some women it’s non existent, for others it’s thin and then there are some women whose hymenal tissue is thick and can be “imperforate” where it obstructs the vagina. Vaginismus on the other hand is “tight muscles”. If you are open to seeing a gyn they can tell you if your hymenal tissue is “getting in the way” of penetration. If it’s tight muscles and I want to emphasize that even if you are comfortable and want to have intercourse, vaginismus is out of your conscious control – those muscles are involuntarily tensing. Vaginismus is very treatable with the consistent use of dilators. A pelvic floor Physical Therapist can be helpful in working with you. Feel free to reach out to Maze if you want to speak with one of us.
Keep us posted,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Olive, Thank you for telling your story, it is such an important one. I’m sorry that you were failed by a health care professional and glad that you looked deeper for answers. Our bodies are very wise and you are clearly listening to yours. Both Heather and recessivegenqueen are right on!
Let us know how we can be of further help.
Take good care,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Staci,
I hear your frustration, confusion, and “hopelessness”. I do not believe that this is a hopeless situation and I applaud all that you have been doing. Perhaps some things need to be tweaked: What is your dilation protocol? Are you sleeping with any of the dilators? Are you currently getting Pelvic Floor PT which may be very helpful while the Botox is active…. The Botox breaks up the muscle spasms but it is consistent dilation that is key to overcoming vaginismus.
Don’t give up!!!
Keep us posted,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Ccroppi,
I love your post! Stretching, breathing, yoga all work on our mind/body connection and are good for everyone. Keep it up; you are very inspiring!
Thanks,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Julie123!
So glad that you are able to voice your concerns on the Forum. I want to echo what Melissa posted. At Maze we work in an integrated way and you receive both medical and emotional support throughout our work together.
Let us know how things are going for you,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Sara, I’m sorry to hear your story and it is a familiar one. Yes, negative speak can really get into our heads and it’s important that you know that Vaginismus is a very treatable and curable condition. I know that there’s been much disappointment with not being able to have intercourse and that doesn’t mean that you can’t find other ways to give each other pleasure. Maze offers the Botox procedure if “straight dilation” seems impossible or simply too challenging. Feel free to call us for a free consult.
I know it’s difficult – try to stay positive – you can overcome vaginismus.
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Gemini, Congratulations on how far you have come and I agree with the suggestions made by recessivegenequeen. When a couple has been dealing with vaginismus for some time, a lot of feelings may come up. Transitioning to intercourse may also bring up some pent up emotions that your “patient partner” wouldn’t allow himself to feel. Now that you are at the end of the tunnel and have a glimpse of the light there may be some feelings emerging. It can be helpful to talk with your partner and to allow for both of you to have your feelings and be attuned to the other person’s as well. Perhaps on a practical level have him just insert his penis and remove it and let that be a win! Taking small steps toward having the complete intercourse experience may be helpful and build trust that it won’t be painful….
Let us know how things are going.
All the best,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi all,
This is a beautiful thread and what the forum is all about. Sometimes it’s a matter of tweaking some things and tremendous progress can be made!
Thanks everyone and keep bringing Vaginismus into the light,
Helen

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi lilly103099,
First of all Congratulations on inserting your first dilator – that’s a win! Dilation is a practice and it’s best to find a comfortable time and space to do it daily. Organic coconut oil is a good lube to use and be generous with it. Generally the sensation felt with muscle stretching is a “burning” sensation similar to the feeling of a vigorous work out. Of course if the discomfort persists follow up with your physician. Let us know how we can continue to support you in your process.

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