Is this vaginismus? Or my hymen?

[elisabethdee]

Hi there,

My name is Elisabeth, I’m 21 and I’m worried I’ve got vaginismus.

I’ve been trying to have sex with my BF for over 3 weeks now, and he doesn’t seem to be able to get inside of me. We do have plenty of foreplay so wetness isn’t a problem, and I do feel relaxed and no, I’m not forced to have sex, on the contrary, I WANT HIM 🙂 But it still keeps on hurting.

I spoke about this with my best friend and she claims she had the same and she says that she probably had a thicker hymen, in her case her friend had to “push” hard in order to get it. She literally felt it tearing and lost some blood as well. I’ve always been told the hymen is a myth and that most girls don’t have one. So now it actually DOES seem to exist?

I’ve never used tampons or cups so I suppose my vagina isn’t used to the feeling of having something in there either.

So how can you actually be sure it’s just a thicker hymen or vaginismus? And when it’s my hymen, how much pain is “normal” in order for it to tear?

[Helen Leff, LCSW]

Hi Elisabeth and welcome to the Forum! There’s much misinformation out there! The hymen is not a myth, however, for some women it’s non existent, for others it’s thin and then there are some women whose hymenal tissue is thick and can be “imperforate” where it obstructs the vagina. Vaginismus on the other hand is “tight muscles”. If you are open to seeing a gyn they can tell you if your hymenal tissue is “getting in the way” of penetration. If it’s tight muscles and I want to emphasize that even if you are comfortable and want to have intercourse, vaginismus is out of your conscious control – those muscles are involuntarily tensing. Vaginismus is very treatable with the consistent use of dilators. A pelvic floor Physical Therapist can be helpful in working with you. Feel free to reach out to Maze if you want to speak with one of us.
Keep us posted,
Helen

[recessivegenequeen]

Helen’s response was spot-on! If you want to have sex with your boyfriend, I highly recommend going to see a gynecologist – figuring out why you’re feeling pain can help you decide what treatment steps to take next!