[GoldDahlia]

Hi Xynabu,

I don’t recall experiencing any lasting weakness after the botox injections. I was exhausted the rest of the day following the procedure, but that was because of all the stress and emotions and not because of the botox. If you are having long-lasting weakness and pain I would suggest speaking to your doctor about the possibility of other issues impacting your health.

I hope you start feeling better soon!

[GoldDahlia]

Hi Xynabu, congratulations on being able to insert the 4th dilator, that is such a huge accomplishment! I was never able to insert anything before having the botox, so being able to use the dilators is a great milestone, even if it is uncomfortable at first.

I also have a set of the white plastic dilators from vaginismus.com but don’t use them since they are not as comfortable as my glass and silicone ones. The white plastic dilators are both long and hard, which may explain some of the discomfort you are experiencing. For example, the 3rd largest (out of 4) is about 1/2 inch longer than my vagina and my husband’s erect penis. So if you are trying to insert the #3 or #4 out of 4 all the way, you could be hitting your cervix. The 4th largest is 1-2 inches longer than the average vagina length. I have never inserted the largest one all the way and am still able to have comfortable intercourse, so don’t feel like you have to keep pushing!

Also, it might be more comfortable if you leave the handle off. You might be able to insert it at a different angle without the handle getting in the way, or even put a pair of panties or tight spandex shorts over the dilator to hold it in place while you stand (sitting with the hard dilators felt like they were poking me in the sides).

Good luck, just keep experimenting and dilating every day and I know it will get better and better for you!

[GoldDahlia]

Are you using the glass or silicone dilators? For me the sensation is very different between the two types. The largest dilator blue #6 was painful for me for the first week after the procedure and I could not get it in all the way, but just trying for short periods of time and gradually increasing helped a lot. With the blue silicone it always hangs out about 1-1.5″ simply because my vagina is not that long and I bonk my cervix if I try to push it in further. With the glass dilators, they go in all the way but because they are hard and not flexible I can always feel them “pushing” into the sides of my vagina if I am sitting or lying in a weird position – maybe that is what you are feeling?

I know Dr. Pacik and Ellen recommend experimenting with the angle of insertion if you feel you are pushing into the sides. For me personally, it goes in better if I angle the dilator straight up a bit more instead of toward the rectum which is more typical. Also, because of the inflexibility, it is comfier for me to dilate with the glass while standing up instead of sitting/lying, and use the silicone when I’m bed. Keep playing with the positioning and don’t give up dilating! I know for a while I kept wondering what I was doing wrong because it was so uncomfortable, but it eventually gets better the more you try!

If you are having the urge to urinate/urethra pain, make sure you are urinating right before you start dilating and after you’re done to avoid the likelihood of getting a bladder infection. A natural lube might help too – some prelubricated condoms we used caused me a lot of irritation, so we add our own to dry condoms and I feel much better (http://www.babeland.com/Sliquid-Organics-Natural/d/1675).

[GoldDahlia]

I used the surgilube/lidocaine mixture until it ran out (5-6 days post-procedure), but mainly because I didn’t want to waste it. I didn’t feel that it made much difference, but that could be because I was getting used to dilating by day 6. It did sting a little. I bought a tube each of surgilube and lidocaine – the lidocaine is still unopened and I only used the surgilube twice (had a kind of vinegary smell I didn’t like). Still, I think it was worth a few bucks for the peace of mind in case I had wanted to use it longer.

I’ve been using Sliquid Organics Natural since day 6 with no irritation or infections. Sometimes I add shea butter for overnights. I love the Sliquid for intercourse since it’s a bit thinner and a lot like our natural body lubrication, but I’m thinking of trying Babeland’s “Babelube Natural” for dilating since it sounds a bit less runny.

[GoldDahlia]

We are all in the same recovery room together after the procedure, but there are hospital privacy curtains that wrap all the way around each bed when we’re practicing inserting the dilators. I expected some awkwardness, but it wasn’t! All of the women in the room are going through the same thing, and my husband was so focused on what I was doing that he didn’t feel strange either. Once we all reached a certain point and were ready to hang out with the dilators in place for a while, we pulled up our blankets/clothes and opened the curtains to talk together while Dr. Pacik did his counseling (he asks beforehand if you’re comfortable with this).

[GoldDahlia]

Elaine, I am so excited that you have booked an upcoming procedure! I know you will do so well! I am 3 weeks post-procedure today and cannot believe that I have come so far with the dilators and can now experience penetration – it is so amazing to feel like I am a complete woman now. While my experience was different than yours since I am married, I still understand the fear of involving a partner. When I first found this website and began reading everything I could about the treatment I was hopeful unlike I had ever been before, but also very briefly toyed with the idea of doing it alone because I was afraid that my partner would be turned off by the clinical aspect and continued therapy. I was so wrong! We had a strong relationship before, but after he came with me to New Hampshire he has repeatedly said in the last 3 weeks that he can’t believe how close and open our relationship has become since.

You luckily have a few weeks to continue talking with Mike to decide how much you want to him to be involved. I would definitely say that for us, it was beneficial to be there to do the counseling together so that my husband better understood what I was experiencing while I learned to be more open and communicative with him. It sounds encouraging that Mike has been receptive and supportive of you with what you have told him so far, especially since the treatment process can really accelerate or strain relationships. I hope you guys continue to grow together; what an exciting time!

[GoldDahlia]

This is such a great post, Nakitalab. While my husband and I have not yet had intercourse to try to conceive, your comments about the pain of Mother’s Day still resonate with us as sufferers of primary vaginismus. I feel horrible about it, but there have unfortunately been countless occasions where I’ve plastered on a fake-excited smile when hearing about pregnancies around me. Your ideas for taking care of yourself are very good and I hope any other women who are struggling with sadness and frustration about not being able to conceive will be able to use them to celebrate who they are as a person and as a woman rather than focusing on motherhood.

[GoldDahlia]

Also, I am so glad you were assertive with those nurses! Who cares if they look at you like you’re nuts?! You’ll never see them again and they should hear about vaginismus so that they hopefully learn to give better care to other patients.

[GoldDahlia]

Congratulations, Sofi! I am so happy for you that you had such a successful pregnancy and delivery after overcoming vaginismus! I hope you continue to feel better each day. It’s great to hear about delivery from someone who has had vaginismus as it is definitely something I still worry about.

I am 3 weeks post-procedure today with tip-only penetration so far and we’re planning to wait at least a year before trying to conceive, so hopefully I will be totally cured by then! I know everybody has a different labor experience based on innumerable factors, but it is my personal dream to have an at-home water birth with no drugs. Given my low tolerance for pain and history with vaginismus I don’t think this will ever happen, but it is still nice to think about all the options. I appreciate hearing your perspective about the epidural – I think this could be especially beneficial mentally for previous vaginismus-sufferers since we typically have a history of fear of vaginal pain. Great pain-relief for all women, I’m sure, but maybe even more huge in clearing our giant roadblocks! On the other hand, I have heard that an epidural may make women more susceptible to tearing because they tend to push too hard and too fast when they can’t feel what’s going on. I’d love to hear the experiences of other ladies on the forum!

[GoldDahlia]

Congratulations to both of you, your progress is so exciting! It’s also very helpful for me to read what sorts of things have been working for you guys and how you have progressed since I am just 9 days post procedure and still nervous about attempting intercourse. That’s great that your anxiety is getting less each time, Kaylee! It’s cool that you keep trying and are willing to try new things to make it more enjoyable. As Dr. Pacik says it can be hard for us to catch up mentally and I am tying to remember not to rush things, too, and just take it one thing at a time. I hope you find some comfortable positions for the two of you!

[GoldDahlia]

Updating post-procedure: I wish I had used a pad with wings for the day of the procedure and the next day. The silicone dilators have a semi-wide disk at the base and the lube and stuff oozed over the edges of even a wide liner. The square gauze pads provided at the surgery were thick and wide, but not plastic backed, so I still bled through to my panties.

Jeans were great at holding things securely in place! Dilating at home I am most comfortable wearing regular bikini panties with a pair of boyshorts over the top for an added tight layer or a pair of yoga pants.

[GoldDahlia]

Just reporting back post-procedure to say that I switched from the surgilube to sliquid organics natural on day 6 post procedure for dilating (am 9 days PP today) and finding it very comfortable. I also feel like I can take the dilator out and put my underwear on just before heading out for work in the morning with a lot less residual mess as I walk.

I’m using olive oil as a base under the sliquid for overnight dilating which is very comfortable, but runny. Definitely use a pantiliner or wear something old you don’t care about to avoid oil stains if you choose this. I will continue for now, but may switch to something solid at room temperature like coconut oil or cocoa butter later on.

[GoldDahlia]

I am just glad to see more options becoming available if only for the added attention it creates for vaginismus. Hopefully the more people find out about these various products they will not feel like this is such an abnormal condition and may be empowered to research further into which solution is right for them.

I know I would not be successful with the vagiwave due to the severity of my vaginismus, but I think it could be a viable therapy for others. For example, I have an aunt who has struggled with secondary vaginusmus after multiple surgeries for endometriosis and a hysterectomy where she could not have sex for a year after the surgery. She was able to successfully use products like this and dildos to work back up to comfortable intercourse.

[GoldDahlia]

Congratulations on the birth of your boy, sweetiani! What a joyous event to celebrate, especially after the struggles of vaginismus!

I would second lesoc’s recommendation of the book ,”Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler. http://www.tcoyf.com/ I haven’t been trying to conceive, but using what I learned from this book I’ve always known the exact day I ovulate and which surrounding days I am fertile for the past 3 years. It has also been convenient to know the exact day I will get my period in advance 🙂 A great resource for knowing your body better and saves money over buying ovulation predictor kits. The book is easily available at all of my local libraries. For infertility issues I would still consult a physician.

[GoldDahlia]

I know this is an old thread, but I’m just adding my two cents in case it would help anybody. I know everyone has different tastes in lube, so this is just what has/hasn’t worked for us (well, keeping in mind that nothing has “worked” since I have yet to undergo the procedure soon!).

We tried Astroglide for the first several years of our marriage, so I unfortunately associate it with our most frustrating attempts at intercourse. It was very slippery, but dried quickly. I also have moved away from synthetic petroleum based products.

Both the water-based and oil-based YES mentioned by others here are good, especially for the integrity of the ingredients. The oil-based was soft, but too thick and not slick enough for our tastes. My husband didn’t ever want to use this one. The water-based was much nicer, but we would still need to reapply often during play (dried quickly/kind of tacky).

A few months ago we discovered Sliquid Organics Natural Intimate Lubricant and love it! For us, it is the right viscosity (a little thinner than YES), very slippery, and never dries sticky or tight. It actually feels like very light moisturizer if you let it dry on your hand; we never feel the need to clean up afterward. http://sliquidorganics.com/

To keep in mind with the silicone dilators: silicone lubes break down silicone toys/dilators and should be avoided (per my Lelo Gigi instructions). Also, oil-based lubes break down condoms, in case you are using them for birth control. Glass is compatible with everything.

For overnight dilating I am planning to use my trusty water-based Sliquid with an oil based to keep it from drying out, probably just pure olive oil or coconut oil from the grocery store. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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