[bosox2004]

Hi Alyx! I wish I could give you a great big hug because I have (and sometimes still am!!!) been there!!!!! My hubby’s sexual frustration was the driving force for my procedure; we were on the brink of a divorce and that was our last effort. I too had tried many other things that just simply did not work. Even though I have made great progress, some days I still want to cry for the years my husband and I lost to V. Years we can never get back. Years where we were in the prime of our lives where he in his 20’s was at his peak sexual drive. It’s very hard to accept. All this being said, I will say that I have been seeing a WONDERFUL therapist who has helped me and my husband more than words can say; she has helped me accept the past and move onto the future. We see her individually and as a couple and it has literally changed our lives. It is THE hardest thing I have ever done but it’s so very rewarding. I often tell her that I would take a Botox shot in my vagina ANY day over the mental, emotional, spiritual, and psychological “dilating”. While I still don’t have the sex life of my dreams – I have become so much closer to my husband and found myself along the way. I’m not sure if you would be interested in seeing a therapist but if you are, her name is Anita Hoffer (she actually is active on the forum and comes highly recommended from the Pacik’s!). I am fortunate enough that I can drive to her office but she also Skypes. There have been times due to schedules, illness, bad weather, etc that we have had to Skype and it works just fine. She is VERY VERY VERY familiar with V and the impact it has on EVERY area of a couple’s life; she also gets how the man and woman each responds differently. And lastly, she understands and knows what it takes to resolve those hurt feelings and get you on the path to healing. If you would like any more information or want to ask me any personal questions, please ask Janet for my personal e-mail address. I will answer any and all questions and would be very glad to help you. Please know that you’re not alone and that we are all here for you. I wish you and your husband continued success. Take care!

[bosox2004]

Heather123 – This just breaks my heart to read!!! I wish I could give you the biggest hug and assure that it will all work out one way or another. You are such a brave person for sharing such a deep pain with the forum. I hate the fact that this is now impacting your dilating!! I want to stress that you need to do the dilating for YOU!!! No matter what happens in your marriage – you need to do this for YOU! When I went for the Botox procedure, me and my hubby were on the verge of divorce; however, I knew I needed to do the Botox/dilating for me no matter what happened between me and him. I don’t know if it’s something you want to consider, but individual and couple therapy saved me AND my marriage. It’s taken months but we have been able to slowly work through the pain caused my V. Now granted, we were not in the same situation but that is what helped us. You need to ask yourself some very hard questions and be very honest with yourself. V is not your fault and you should never be treated like it is. I know it’s so hard to sit and really ask yourself these questions of “Do I want to stay with him?”. The devil we know is better (and safer!) than the devil we don’t know; fear of the unknown is a SCARY thought but don’t let that fear keep you in a situation that may not be right for you. Only you know what is right for you and don’t let anyone try to talk you into something you’re not comfortable with. Please know that the forum is here for you and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please take extra good care of yourself during these trying times.

[bosox2004]

I hope you are able to find some other women in the area because it’s already been a big help for me – and all we’ve done so far is just e-mail and plan.

If all else fails, you can always plan a quick trip to New England and visit with the little group that is forming up here. 🙂

[bosox2004]

YAY!!! I’m so excited that someone else came around and wants to join our little group. 🙂 We will have so much fun. 🙂

[bosox2004]

KatieG07: Yes, I will message Janet and get your e-mail so we can chat privately. I too wish there were other women in the area who wanted to meet so we could form a group! Oh well – maybe with time our little group will grow. 🙂 You’re correct – Heather is the moderator who lives in MA. I spoke with her via text over the weekend and she said she would love to join us; however, she’s been really busy and hasn’t had a chance to respond on the forum.

If anyone else would like to join us, please free to ask Janet for my contact information. The more the merrier! 🙂

Hope everyone has a great week. 🙂

[bosox2004]

KatieG07 – I would so love to meet up with you! I completely understand about not wanting to drive in MA traffic; we could meet in NH if that would be easier. Maybe as we get more feedback from others in the area, we will be able to nail down a more definite time/place. BTW, I’m soo happy that you will be getting the procedure on June 9th!!!! You are going to do just fine and will be dilating like a pro before you know it. 🙂 If I can be of any help, please just let me know.

As for everyone else – I hope that you guys can also find someone in your vicinity to meet up with. As stated earlier, meeting the moderator Heather was such a healing experience for me. When Cynthia told me that there was someone else within 15 minutes of me who had also had the procedure, I started to cry on the phone. For the first time in over 5 years, I didn’t feel so alone. We met at Dunkin Donuts and talked for hours! Being able to tell someone, “I’ve been married for over 5 years and I’m still basically a virgin.” and knowing that they COMPLETELY understood all the pain, confusion, hurt, anger, and frustration in that one sentence was healing in itself!!!

[bosox2004]

I wish you lived in this area as well so we could meet up – especially since you seem to be the only one interested in meeting!! LOL

I want to ask you where you do live but not sure that’s something you want to reveal on this forum…

[bosox2004]

I am sooo happy for you and your husband!! The procedure will be over before you know it and you will be dilating like a pro in no time at all. 🙂

Sending lots of happy thoughts, prayers, and encouragement your way. 🙂

[bosox2004]

Wow! I’m just seeing this and I think that you’re the bravest person ever! I have my moments where I want to do something like this but always chicken out (my family still doesn’t even know!). You deserve some sort of medal for being strong enough to reveal something so very, very private in such a very public way. I think I have found my new hero. 🙂 All the best to you and your hubby on this new chapter in your lives. 🙂

I must say 2 things jump out at me from all the comments from your family/friends: 1). How supportive everyone is!!! and 2). How at least 2 other people are familiar with this! We are so programmed to think this is hush-hush and nobody knows about it but the fact that 2 out of roughly 25 people are familiar with this just blows my mind!!!! I know the very first person I told was a co-worker who used to be a social worker in her prior career; she knew all about V and even reached out to former co-workers in that field to see if they knew of cure. The second person I told was also familiar with it since her aunt had it!! Again, here I thought I was a weirdo and had this problem nobody else knew anything about and then to have 2 people tell me they were familiar with it just completely blew me away.

Maybe one day V will be something that is as easily and openly discussed as breast cancer, cervical cancer, and erectile dysfunction. Kudos to you for doing your part and spreading the word. 🙂

[bosox2004]

Becca,

Here’s what worked for me:

I dilated at home for 1 hour on my normal dilation schedule (10 min with Glass #4, 10 min with Glass #5, 20 min with Glass #6, and 20 min with Glass #7). I never took Glass #7 out after that except to use the bathroom; I wore Glass #7 for well over 4 hours. I kept it in all the way to the appointment and took it out about 15-20 min before the actual exam. I took it out to give a urine sample and never put it back in.

I use the glass dilators because they are smaller and more comfortable. I did have to “readjust” a few times when driving until I found the perfect position. When I took it out to use the bathroom, I made sure to reapply a LOT of lube since it was going to be in for several hours. The lube definitely helped.

My gyn was very gentle and patient. She started out with the breast exam and then just touched my abdominal area. After that, she moved to the actual exam; she told me up front if I was uncomfortable/scared/in pain at any time to tell her and she would immediately stop. Honestly, I felt no pain. The only thing I felt was a little pinch from the speculum and I could feel her fingers inside me but that was it – no pain. It went so fast I didn’t even know she was done! I talked about Dr. Pacik right through the entire exam. LOL It was very fast and painless.

The ONLY problem I had that day was this: I think because I had Glass #7 inside me for much longer than I usually do, I did develop period-like cramps toward the end. Once I took it out 15-20 minutes before exam, they eased up a lot. Other than that, everything went smooth.

I hope this helps and that I was able to put your mind at ease a little! If you have any more questions, please just ask.

[bosox2004]

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words! I truly needed them. As stated, I’m trying to focus on all I’ve accomplished in the last 5 months but I sometimes struggle with that because I feel that until I have pain-free sex, I’m not fully cured.

I feel that one of the biggest things that got me through these last 6 years with V is finding the humor in a bad situation. Wellll, last night after posting this and after sending a frantic e-mail to Dr. Pacik and staff, I went to wash my Glass #7 and put it away. Well I went to put it back in its pouch and it fell right out and broke on my tiled bathroom floor!!! There I was standing with glass all over the floor crying and laughing. Most women break an occasional drinking glass; I broke my glass dilator in my bathroom. Sigh… the life of a V patient is not normal. I was so upset with myself because I am so very careful with them; I baby them and treat them with the utmost care. I took them on vacation and made sure they were properly cushioned and protected. All I know is last night ended poorly and I was very happy to crawl into bed for the night. Here’s to hoping today is much better. 🙂

[bosox2004]

Nakitalab,

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my desperate post – especially during the holidays. 🙂

It’s so nice to “meet” someone who grew up the same way as I did and who also has/had the same struggles. I honestly don’t know how to cure the mental part of it; I am actually meeting with a counselor next week to see if she can help me because I just feel so lost and confused. I am making great strides with dilating but feel like I’m not even taking baby steps with the mental aspect of it. I truly hope that the counselor can help me and my husband.

Again, thanks for the encouragement because God knows I’ve needed.

Good luck in your continued endeavor as well. 🙂

[bosox2004]

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words! The logistics have been ironed out and I’m in the process of packing my overnight bag. The nerves are starting to creep in a little but I’m trying to ignore them. I’m more nervous of the actual procedure than anything else. I just keep telling myself that it will be over before I know it.

I did get to talk with the other girl who is also having her procedure done tomorrow. She’s so sweet and kind and we clicked immediately. I hope we can help each other tomorrow and help the other get through it.

If you think of it – prayers are much appreciated for both of us tomorrow!! I know I would feel so much better if my husband could go but due to his work schedule, he is unable to attend either day.

I’ll be sure to post again when I get a chance.

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