Feeling a little discouraged

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  • #9130
    bosox2004
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I was SOOO hoping that by now I would be posting in the success stories, but after almost 5 months , I still have not been able to have intercourse! I’m starting to get very depressed/discouraged and even wondering if my V is coming back!! I also have noticed since the Botox has worn off, I feel more pain with the Glass #7; has this happened to anyone else? Also, is 5 months hopeless? Did I miss my window of opportunity before the Botox wore off?

    I NEED to have the Glass #7 fit comfortably because my husband is very large; I’m bummed out and down in the dumps tonight because it seems so hopeless. I know I need to celebrate the “small” things such as using tampons, being able to insert the glass dilators – including #7, and feeling free; however, until I achieve intercourse, I will not believe I am cured.

    Does anyone have any thoughts/input?

    Have a good night.

    #12594
    Kim
    Participant

    I’m sorry Bosox you’re feeling so crappy tonight. I sure do know how you feel. Even though I’ve experienced some penetration, I’m not “cured” yet either and tomorrow marks our 4 months post-procedure. Hang in there and don’t give up! You’ve come so far and fought so hard to be where you are today. You are not the same woman you started out as 5 months ago, just be patient with your body, I’m in the same boat!

    I’m sending some prayers your way.

    -Kim

    #12599
    mmHeather34
    Moderator

    Hi Bosox. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Please, please know that we are all here to support you. You definitely have not missed your window of opportunity and 5 months is not hopeless at all. I wanted to share an excellent, excellent thread with you:

    http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=363

    Posts from this thread include:

    “11 months after the operation, we were enjoying our sex life better and not pushing so hard to try to get to intercourse that we became that much more comfortable. It took a lot of comfortability and creativity but it was fun. Last May (11 months post-operation), Chris started trying to penetrate with his finger. I thought it would be weird to ask him to try that but he liked it for some reason …. I guess guys just like touching no matter how they do it.. ? 🙂 Anyway, he didn’t get in at all the first several times and then not that far in for quite a while after that, but I tried to be very communicative about what I was feeling and what I was okay with and he became really good at responding and learning when to back off. So eventually, my body became more relaxed with his finger around my vagina. When his finger did finally start to get inside it did really hurt, but I just kept remembering the dilators and how it only hurts for that first little while and then it just slips right in. It took a lot of playtime to finally get his finger all the way inside of me, but we just kept playing and practicing. After several weeks, he finally got in all the way and did it a few times the next few days. After a while, the pleasure was more pronounced than any discomfort I felt. Then we started trying intercourse. That was kind of the same process that it took several weeks and it really did hurt at first but that I just kept thinking about the part where the dilators just slip in. After a while, we finally achieved intercourse! – over a year after the operation. Again, the first little while, it hurt and some days were (and are) better than others. One thing – one of the most important things – that I’ve learned through this is that you really have to balance the physical and the emotional. When we had the most success is when we were both feeling good and comfortable with the sex life we had, even though intercourse was impossible. Just be creative. When you both feel good emotionally about each other, you will be able to relax better – something that is crucial! Chris and I often said (and still sometimes say) to each other is “No expectations”. Focus on enjoying each other for what you have and in time, the rest will follow when you are comfortable trying. Don’t lose sight of the love you share. That’s why you have sex – to fully express and share in that love that goes so much deeper than sex or intercourse.”

    “It took me about seven months to be able to have intercourse. Don’t give up, you have came a long way! Just keep practicing what you know and the confidence to go to the next step will come. Try to celebrate the tiny accomplishments and don’t feel bad. Even though I could start to have intercourse seven months after the procedure, it really took a couple years to get good at it and for it to be truly pleasurable. 😉 it takes time for some of us and that is okay. You can’t rush yourself and only you know your body. I would write down your progress or how you are doing so you can look back and be like wow, I am really further along then I thought! I have made good progress! 🙂 I hope this encourages you.”

    “It took me eight months to have intercourse after the surgery. It took me this long because first of all because i was still scared and a lot of it was that i didn’t have the time to dedicate to the dilators. So what i did was one weekend when i was completely alone and nobody was in the house to bother me I started off with the smallest dilator and left it in for about an hour slid it in and out until i felt comfortable and then moved up to the next one and did the same and so on and so forth until i got to the biggest dilator. With this one I would leave it in for at least an hour or so and i would make sure i would use lubricants on all of them it helps out a lot. I did this from the time i woke up until about 11 pm every night. It sounds a bit obsessive but i was determined to do this. Then for a about a week i would use only the big dilator in the evenings for about an hour and half practicing. This does take time but you have to make the time out of the day to do this no matter what. Then after about a week my husband and i tried and it didn’t work because for me it took time for the dilator to go in and that is not the case with a penis cause it can only stay erect for awhile. So what my husband suggested was to take viagra so the next night we tried with that and it worked and we never had to use it again. It does feel uncomfortable and u may feel a bit of a burning sensation but you will get used to it and it does get better. This may be too much information but i would have liked someone to give me some step by step advice like this, so i hope this helps. And good luck to you if u stay motivated and determined it will happen.”

    And, one more as well: http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=399

    “WE DID IT, WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m soo ecstatic!!! I just want to shout HALLELUJAH!!! We did it last night finally!! – On Thanksgiving night – how ironic is that!!! It took several attempts, but we did it!! I don’t even remember the last time I dilated and we didn’t have any of the lube that I love or anything!! I’m sooo grateful!! I’ve been praying for this for 7 years!!! (that’s how long we’ve been married). Had my procedure over a year ago… I got extremely discuraged after several months passed and I’d been dilating and we’d been trying everything and nothing seemed to work for us. I truely thought I was the one person this procedure wouldn’t work for. I became super depressed and everything. Then last night we didn’t even expect much to happen and boom!! It did!! We still have to work on the thrusting, but that’s ok… got it all the way in!! I cried like 3 or 4 times – and we just sat there for I promise like over 30 minutes!!! I did some kegals and stuff to try to get used to how he felt instead of the dilators! God is sooo good!!”

    Bosox, please, please know we are all here for you always! Sending you huge, huge hugs tonight!!!!

    #12602
    bosox2004
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for the encouraging words! I truly needed them. As stated, I’m trying to focus on all I’ve accomplished in the last 5 months but I sometimes struggle with that because I feel that until I have pain-free sex, I’m not fully cured.

    I feel that one of the biggest things that got me through these last 6 years with V is finding the humor in a bad situation. Wellll, last night after posting this and after sending a frantic e-mail to Dr. Pacik and staff, I went to wash my Glass #7 and put it away. Well I went to put it back in its pouch and it fell right out and broke on my tiled bathroom floor!!! There I was standing with glass all over the floor crying and laughing. Most women break an occasional drinking glass; I broke my glass dilator in my bathroom. Sigh… the life of a V patient is not normal. I was so upset with myself because I am so very careful with them; I baby them and treat them with the utmost care. I took them on vacation and made sure they were properly cushioned and protected. All I know is last night ended poorly and I was very happy to crawl into bed for the night. Here’s to hoping today is much better. 🙂

    #12603
    Becca
    Participant

    I’m sorry you are struggling Bosox. 🙁 And I’m so sorry to hear about your dilator breaking! 🙁 You definitely hit the nail on the head when you said “the life of the V patient is not normal”. I think about that all the time! I feel like I spend so much free time just laying around dilating. :-/ The whole process can be very frustrating. I hope that you’re having a better day today. *hugs*

    #12647
    Possum
    Participant

    Hi Bosox,

    I really want to encourage you to not lose heart or be too tough on yourself. The process to full recovery for vaginismus can be slow! Well it has been for me. It was just over 6 months after the procedure before my husband and I were able to achieve intercourse, and even now, it is still an incredibly slow process. One thing that keeps me going is knowing, that no matter how long the journey is, every small step forward, (no matter how small), is still further from where I was. It has now been 15 months since my surgery, and i’m nowhere near where I was hoping to be, as sex is still not completely pain free or regular, but when I consider where I was before the surgery, where I couldn’t have penetration of ANY KIND, or even properly clean myself, things that may seem small in comparison to the ultimate goal of having regular, enjoyable, pain free sex, are actually quite monumental. I too have felt that I just want to be cured and completely over this already, but the truth is, vaginimus does so much damage in so many way, and for some, it is going to take more time to heal from that, and we can’t beat ourselves up for it. You wouldn’t punish someone with a disease because they took longer to respond to treatment, and I don’t see vaginismus as any different. I’ve had so many up’s and down’s over the last year, but what amazes me is we can still keep moving forward, (and even take steps backwards at times) but I remind myself, that I’ve made it this far, so I’m not gonna give up now! Hang in there. xo

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