[Sofi]

Hi mmbayles,

I had the cervical exam first at the doctors office when I was getting close to my due date. She used a lot of lube, told me to count to three and basically push as if I was pooping when she inserted her finger. She started with one finger and then added the second one. It did not hurt at all – I was shocked! And I wasn’t dilated at all.

With that, I felt confident going to the hospital during labor that I could handle it….but it was different. The nurses were rushed, they looked at me like I was nuts when I explained that yes I was pregnant but I also had issues with insertion. They were rougher, I was maybe more nervous, it hurt, a lot. They also said my cervix was high, so they had trouble finding it and it felt like it took forever. Eventually they were able to determine that I was 5 cm dilated and they admitted me.

During the rest of my labor, the cervix check was the worst part. I ended up getting the epidural just so I could get through it – good thing too because they had to manually break my water, which I’m sure I couldn’t have done without the epidural.

I don’t want to scare you- you can get through it – in fact, you’ll have to because that baby is coming!

My advice- communicate clearly to the nurse who does the first cervix check when you’re in labor so she understands your situation, and then once you’re admitted, get the epidural as soon as possible, it will allow you to relax and enjoy the labor process and really be joyful when baby is born.

Congrats on your pregnancy – hope my advice isn’t too late, I just browse this forum occasionally now that I have a little one keeping me busy!

[Sofi]

Thanks!

*Update*

Had my 6 week post pregnancy exam, which included the doctor using the speculum as well as her finger to check on the healing of my cervix and uterus. I was anxious because I didn’t know what to expect, and so I think my body just regressed into expecting what it was used to – pain.

I was doing my breathing and nervous the whole time, and then finally I realized, nothing was hurting at ALL! I mean, like I barely felt it. Is that how women who don’t have vaginismus feel? If so they don’t know how lucky they are.

I can’t say that giving birth cures vaginismus, and of course I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant if it weren’t for Dr. Pacik’s treatment …but my muscles were definitely looser and it was great not to feel pain. I just have to get it in my head now so that I don’t freak out anymore.

Haven’t tried for intercourse yet – too tired with all the baby stuff – but I’ll update on that as well! I am hoping that I won’t have to continue with the dilators, but if nothing else, maybe they will at least be easier…

[Sofi]

Hi Dahlia, interesting point! I hadn’t thought of that con for the epidural, but you’re probably right. My pushing stage was about 1 hour (which they tell me is short, relatively speaking lol). During the pushing stage they turned down my epidural enough so that I could feel pressure but not pain. It was difficult to push without feeling it though, I had to just do the pushing motions and trust that they were working. It was exhausting and they kept telling me I wasn’t pushing hard enough. Maybe it would have been better if I had told them that I’d rather push slower to avoid tearing than push faster to get it over with…. then again, at one point I remember the baby started coming out on his own even when I wasn’t pushing, so maybe it was just the way it had to be…

I guess the best thing is to be as educated as possible ahead of time so you can make quick decisions in the moment! That being said, I’d definitely recommend doing lamaze classes, or whatever childbirth style classes your hospital offers. I found that most of my doctor appointments throughout the pregnancy consisted of being weighed, having my blood pressure checked, and being sent home. Yes I could ask questions, but the doctors weren’t really there to have lengthy discussions for me. Looking things up online is helpful, but I found it more reassuring to take the classes. It gave me a much better idea of what to expect from the whole experience.

I love the idea of the water birth too, but I was too nervous to not be in the hospital. I’ve heard some hospitals allow you to bring your own tub to do a water birth there- maybe you could try to have the best of both worlds- start with a water birth set up but have the reassurance of close by drugs in case you change your mind. Good luck, I’m sure you will do great just keep at it!

[Sofi]

Thanks Allie!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I think the best thing you can do is be assertive. Nurses (at least in the hospital where I delivered) work 12 hour shifts and are not always the most patient people. If you need a moment to breathe, or want the nurse to start with one finger instead of two, make sure you tell them. They might look at you like you’re insane, but who cares. It surprised me (although i guess it shouldn’t have) that none of them knew the term vaginismus. Don’t let them make you feel bad or scare you – you can get through that initial exam and then with the epidural afterwards I’m sure you’ll do great!

Not sure how far along you are, but perhaps if you continue to dilate through your pregnancy you can avoid having too much tearing because your muscles will be more stretched. Like I said I didn’t feel it in the moment, but the recovery process afterwards was no fun. I hadn’t dilated for months, I found it uncomfortable when I was pregnant and couldn’t lie on my back. Plus I wasn’t having sex, so lost some motivation. I think I was also secretly hoping that the birth process would stretch my muscles and I wouldn’t need to dilate again anyway. We’ll still have to see about that one..

Anyway, feel free to send me an email if you want to talk about anything pregnancy related 🙂

[Sofi]

*Update*

Just wanted to share that on April 9th, I gave birth to a healthy and beautiful little boy.

Here’s how vaginismus affected the experience:

During the last weeks of my pregnancy, my obgyn started checking for dilation at my appointments. The exam consisted of her inserting two fingers to feel if my cervix had begun to stretch yet. I was lucky enough to have an understanding doctor who worked with me – she counted to three, started with one finger, and had me take a big breath and push while she inserted her finger. Although uncomfortable, I was able to get through the exams pretty well (after months of no dilation- too hard to keep up in the last months of pregnancy for me).

When the big day finally came, however, I had a different experience. When I checked into the hospital, the nurse set me up to do this same exam. Although I tried to explain my situation with vaginismus to the nurse, she didn’t seem to quite grasp it. She kind of just shoved her fingers up there and started feeling around, causing me a lot of pain, which in turn caused me to tense up, which of course made it all the more difficult. Apparently my cervix was positioned up very high in a difficult spot to reach and after a minute if her searching I asked for a break. She gave me some attitude, like, hello you’re already pregnant and you can’t handle two fingers? But I did my best to try to be assertive and remain calm. We tried the exam again and she was able to detect my dilation. Once I was admitted and in the labor ward, the nurses wanted to check my dilation every hour. The second nurse was worse than the first – she seemed annoyed that I was making her job more difficult.

After a full day of contractions at home and 5 hours in the hospital, I decided to get an epidural (which I’d been planning on anyway, but was hoping to do it later on in the labor process). The contractions were manageable, but I just couldn’t take any more of the exams. Also, my water had not broken and I didn’t think I could handle feeling the doctor manually break it with that little hook tool.

Can I just say, thanks to whoever invented the epidural!!! BEST decision I ever made. Exams were a breeze after that. During the pushing stage, I could feel some pressure but no pain. After one hour of pushing, my baby was born and I was actually able to enjoy the experience because I wasn’t worried about feeling pain or becoming tense.

I also had a large tear (all the way down to my anus) and was glad not to feel that, and not to feel the doctor putting in the stitches. I don’t know if the large tear was worse due to my history with vaginismus or not…

Of course to each her own, but, if you are pregnant (with or without vaginismus) I would seriously recommend getting an epidural!

Once the epidural wore off, I did feel incredibly sore. I could barely sit, stand, walk or roll over in bed for two weeks without feeling terrible pain (again, thanks to whoever invented tylenol and motrin).

It’s been almost one month now and the pain is gone. I can walk about a mile before getting sore, and both me and the baby are doing well.

In a couple weeks I’ll have my check up with my ogbyn. I’m curious to see if the childbirth experience will have any affect (positive or negative) on my ability to undergo exams, have sex, use tampons, ect.

I will report back!

Again, thanks to Dr. Pacik and the team for helping me bring my son into the world!

[Sofi]

This happened to me too, and I was equally confused that after being able to dilate and have pain free intercourse, a little tampon was so difficult. Really annoying.

Maybe there’s a different psychological process to the tampon, I don’t know…but I also found it painful and nauseating and haven’t tried again since.

Maybe you can try again when you aren’t in a rush to go anywhere and you have plenty of time. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself!

[Sofi]

Hello,

I thought I’d share an update 🙂

I’m now 18 weeks, or a little over 4 months along and so far the pregnancy has been going relatively smooth! Vaginismus really doesn’t affect the exams at this point- the only time they do the vaginal ultra sound is at the very beginning and very end of the pregnancy. So, my visits so far have not been stressful.

I have to confess though that I am using the dilators less and less. For a few weeks in the beginning of my pregnancy I had severe cramping and the doctor told me to stop intercourse for 3 weeks (acted like it was some big deal not to have sex for 3 weeks, little does she know). I stopped using the dilators too, not because it was any real danger, but it just was too uncomfortable.

Eventually the cramping went away and I forced myself to use the dilators at least once per week just to remind myself that I still could and not fall too far behind. Although I could feel my muscles were tighter, it was always a relief to realize I could still do it!

The last couple weeks I’ve been so lazy. I’m not much in the mood for sex since my belly is growing, and to be honest even though it seems everyone agrees it’s safe, I find it hard to completely let go and enjoy sex without starting to worry about the baby…kind of mood killer. Since the pregnancy we’ve only had sex once. So it seems pointless to use the dilators, but I know that it’s not… I’ve gotta force myself to keep it up, it’s just so hard once you let it go.

So besides an update, I guess I just wanted to say keep up the great work and feel free to offer me advice 😀

I hope you are all doing well on your journeys and it’s so great to be able to come back and read these posts.

[Sofi]

Thanks everyone! I will definitely keep you updated as things progress.

Dr. Pacik, as soon as there is a picture to send you will have it! Thanks so much for all the work you continue to do 🙂

[Sofi]

thanks!

[Sofi]

Ok, I’m gonna go ahead and shamelessly recommend Magic Mike. If you’re male partner isn’t up for it, go see it in the theater yourself and then have a date night planned after. It’s fun (don’t think too deeply about the possible issues of reverse objectification and capitalism and all) and a few of those strip tease scenes are…well…worth the ticket price. With vaginismus we spend so much time planning and analyzing ourselves…this movie took me out of all that.

I am going to not recommend the movie Sex And Lucia.
The pros- it’s foreign, has a mystical element to it
The cons- it doesn’t have enough story, no anticipation for the characters to get together. For me, the sex scenes were too over the top so instead of putting me in the mood, it intimidated me.

[Sofi]

Hi Mabel! I’m day 94 since my procedure and I can remember just feeling the same way. It will be worth it and easier than you think, don’t worry!

The hardest night for me was night 1. I went home with the purple dilator in fine and was okay most of the day, but at night when the numbing creams wore off it started to feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t painful, but it freaked me out. I ended up taking it out and sleeping with nothing most of the night. On days 2 and 3, I kept practicing and was fine in Dr. P’s office, but could never get the hang of sleeping with it in. Just something about the angle of the way I sleep doesn’t work for me…. anyway, I felt like a failure because the other girls there were ahead of me and it was difficult. But I did it my own way and had successful intercourse on day 12 and am farther along than i could have imagined now!

long way of saying…my advice – go at your own pace, try not to compare your progress, and do your best to let go of the fear and believe it is possible!

[Sofi]

This is good info! My partner and I were just talking about this. Right now, post-procedure, we’ve only had intercourse 4 times. I’m just getting used to it, learning what works and what doesn’t, and it’s really more mechanical for me. I feel emotionally satisfied knowing that we succeed, but it’s not sexually exciting yet (the foreplay is, just not the intercourse…probably also because of using so much lube). Right now, 1-2 minutes is good for me…my partner keeps feeling bad wanting to last longer…but right now, longer would be tiresome for me. Good to keep your communication open on this sometimes sensitive topic…

[Sofi]

Also, I just read that 40-60% of infertility is traced back to the man… check out this article: http://malereproduction.com/male-infertility-2/scsa/

[Sofi]

When you say surgery, do you mean treatment with Dr. P? I guess I never thought of it as surgery – sounds much scarier than it is!

I don’t think having a gyn exam is necessary (many patients probably wouldn’t be able to anyway) unless you are concerned about something specific.

[Sofi]

I just switched to the Astro Glide gel (only like $8 at walgreens) and my pain is gone! I guess it is just a process of finding what works for you… Lifi, hope you’ve been having better luck!

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