[lulu]

UPDATE: WOW! So much time has passed! It’s been over four years since I had the procedure done with Dr. Pacik. My husband and I now have two boys! My second child was born last year. We are done having children but are grateful for our two kiddos.

Vaginismus is virtually non-existent for me. I still get a bit nervous about exams but I feel like it’s the level of nervousness most women get. No one enjoys vaginal exams and pap smears. However, my body doesn’t freak out when a speculum is inserted and I can relax. I haven’t used my dilators since my first was born.
Sex comes naturally. I don’t have to prepare myself mentally or physically. It just happens and is something I enjoy. Of course, foreplay and arousal is important, and needs to happen to be comfortable, but the mental block is no longer there and that is a great feeling.

I dislike tampons still and I do not use them. I am able to use them but prefer pads. I mainly want to point this out because I use to have to remind myself that a lot of things that I correlated with having vaginismus are things that many women feel or experience.

Many women who have never had vaginismus dislike using tampons or do not use them for other personal reasons. Many women get nervous about vaginal exams. Many women have moments where sex (intercourse) is just not going to happen comfortably. There may be a lack of arousal, there may be fatigue, there may be hormonal issues that week, stress or distractions in that moment, etc. I want to remind anyone reading this that those things and other fears/anxieties are NORMAL.

I don’t visit this forum often and hadn’t been active on this forum since I first posted this. However, I often think of all of the women that are suffering and or are on the journey to healing. I hope this update helps to encourage anyone who reads it. I also want to remind anyone who does read it that your journey is your own. There is no timeline and there are no hard and fast rules. Any tiny success you have is just one step closer to being cured. Your definition of cured doesn’t have to be the same as someone else’s definition either. Your definition of cured can evolve. Good luck and have hope.

[lulu]

Thank you everyone 🙂

[lulu]

Sks,

I wanted to let you know that if you haven’t called your insurance they may be able to tell you what would be covered. Maze would probably be able to tell you the way it should be billed such as codes and etc. so your insurance would be able to give you a better idea of coverage. Keep in mind, it usually isn’t 100% accurate but is an estimate. I had Anthem and they covered a small portion of the procedure with Dr.Pacik. I know some woman have had almost all of the procedure covered. Insurance is slowly becoming more aware of vaginismus and starting to see it as a real condition it is.

I also wanted to let you know that you should be very proud of yourself for trying on your own without Botox. I was always able, by willpower, to make it through exams even though they were very painful before the procedure. However, I know in my heart that I would have never been able to use dilators or have painless intercourse without the procedure.

[lulu]

Dr. Pacik developed the Botox with dilation and counseling along with his wife. However, he retired around September of last year. I had my procedure last July with him. Maze has taken over the treatment now. I am not sure how they are doing the treatment but I believe it is very similar to how Dr Pacik did it because he trained them. I went in for the procedure which took about half an hour. You are completely knocked out and won’t remember any of it. Then I had about 3 or 4 hours of counseling the next day along with the women that had the procedure the same day that I did. The counseling was to answer any questions and help you understand the dilation process better, what to expect, tips, and so on. My husband was with me throughout it all. Of course this was with my consent before hand. He has always been 100% supportive but it really helped him understand more of what was going on physically with me since he was allowed to watch the whole procedure. I did not have any side effects from the Botox that I was aware of. It is rare to have any reactions or side effects. It is possible of course, but not very likely. I want to reassure you that it all might sound scary, but everyone is so understanding and only want to see you succeed. I am not saying you won’t have moments where you want to give up or break down, but in the end as long as you believe in yourself and work for it you have a very, very high chance of being cured. I would not post your question about the discharge again. There are times where the forum is slower than others but in time you will probably get some more advice or suggestions. I try to get on once a week to see if I can be of help to anyone and try to answer quickly once I have started replying.

[lulu]

Nicole,
I am sorry to hear about the issues you are having with the discharge. It is definitely much worse than I have ever dealt with. I am glad, though, that your gyno is at least taking it seriously. However, I am sorry there has been no change. The discharge being caused by inflammation makes complete sense, but it is confusing why it is lasting so long. Of course one tiny thing can upset other parts or aspects of our bodies for some time before clearing up. And it doesn’t seem to take much to upset a vagina does it? They can be super temperamental. I hope someone on the forum or the doctors can give you some advice.

As far as price went for the Botox treatment, I would recommend calling Maze for a free consultation. They may be charging differently than Dr. Pacik so I do not feel comfortable mentioning my expenses. I will tell you, though, that every penny was worth it and my insurance did pay a small portion of it. I have only needed the injections once and honestly do not foresee ever needing them again. It is rare for women to need more injections. I have been free of vaginismus for almost a year. Many others in this forum have been for much longer. It has an extremely high success rate.

[lulu]

Hi Nicole!

I do not know how old you are, but I personally started having changes in my own vaginal discharge probably about 5 years ago. I am 28 and had vaginismus up until the procedure with Dr. Pacik last year. I do not personally think it has anything to do with the vaginismus, though. Women all have varying amounts of discharge and while its annoying and can feel gross it’s perfectly normal as you may have been told by doctors. However, like you, I was concerned and was always told it is fine and never had any test results or exams say otherwise. It still annoys me at times but I just always try to remember that unless it smells abnormal or looks abnormal its more than likely just my body doing what it feels it needs to do. The volume of discharge varies with me but I do have days where I wonder if it looks like I peed a little. Haha.
With that all being said it certainly could have something to do with attempted penetration. Our bodies do weird things that make no sense all the time so I do not want to discredit your opinion that that might have caused it.

I hope you find some comfort in knowing that all of us on this forum are there to help try and answer any questions you have or at least let you know our experiences.

[lulu]

Has anyone ever talked to med students during a class at a college, a conference, or something of that nature? I think I would be most open to potentially doing that if I had an opportunity mainly because I feel it is important to introduce future med students to vaginismus. I think hearing about it through the point of view of someone who suffers or has suffered with it would be much more informative than learning about it from a professor who has A. Never had it, B. Barely knows anything about it, C. Simply teaches what is in a text book, which is probably just a paragraph or two, or D. All of the above.

[lulu]

It very well could be vaginismus. You can certainly get secondary vaginismus after having been fine previously. However, I also wonder if it could be that you are just still very sore and your cervix is quite irritated only being three days later. I wonder this mainly because you say you can get your vibrator and your fingers approximately three inches into your vagina. You may very well already know this but most vaginas are an average of 3 to 4 inches. It is possible that your cervix is still inflamed from all the activity and that is the wall you are touching that is painful. Vaginismus spasms tend to be closer to the entry of a vagina rather than deeper. That is why woman who do have vaginismus often can insert things much easier after they get past the muscles that are more shallow in the vagina. It is possible to have spasms deeper, though.

Please know that I am not at all discrediting your concern. I just really hate for you to jump to the conclusion that it is vaginismus this early on. I know it is hard not to worry ,though! I feel that giving it a few more days or so and resting will help you a lot. The fact that you can insert things is a great sign! Hopefully others will give you their advice and opinion as well.

[lulu]

Katy,

Do you still have a lot of anxiety when dilating? If so, I feel that could be a major cause of your pain. Your muscles may not be relaxing enough especially since the Botox has long wore off.

That being said, your pain is real, regardless of the cause. You may have already tried these things but maybe dilating for shorter yet more frequent periods of time could be beneficial? Starting over by going back down to the smaller dilators (silicone) could also be an idea. I always tell myself if I can get a dilator in, I am OK and will always be able to work my way back up if I ever start regressing.

I am glad you have not given up. It takes a lot of physical, mental, and psychological energy to deal with vaginismus and it’s hard not to just want to give up. I know it may not feel this way but being able to insert any dilator is progress and it is progress you should be proud of. However, it is important to be able to do it without pain or only minor pain while progressing. I hope you get to that point soon.

[lulu]

Hi evett!

I am glad to hear you have had some progress! I am not glad to hear you fainted, though 🙁 However, I wanted to tell you that I feel this is common. When one first starts working on dilating it can be, and often is, a time of extreme stress and anxiety! Vaginismus sufferers may not end up fainting but I can personally tell you I have came close and feel that many others have probably as well. Before I ever got the procedure ( I am almost 6 months post now) I would definitely get the symptoms of fainting if I tried a tampon or inserting my own finger. I also got these symptoms a few times after the procedure when dilating. The worst was the second night after the procedure. I have never came that close to fainting before but I sure did when I went to dilate. I had to lean on my husband and wait until I stopped feeling dizzy. It was unsettling. I also still get a little anxiety with tampons. I can get them in but I just personally have not fallen in love with them and really feel that I never will.
I would definitely take the advice of laying down while dilating if you haven’t. I know that sometimes laying down to dilate is not comfortable though. Leg lock can be an issue when dilating while laying down especially since you are just starting. I would at least try it if you have not already but do not feel like a failure if you are not comfortable with it and it doesn’t work out.
I hope I helped some!

[lulu]

Hope,

I had the procedure in July and consider myself 98% cured. That 2% is just some mild anxiety and psychological issues that remain that I may never get over but does not affect me physically.

I realize that vaginismus is no walk in the park for the men. I can understand the levels of frustration they have and I can understand the anger some may have. Those are completely valid, human, feelings to have and no one can fault them for having those emotions.

However, it is important that every man realizes it is not under the woman’s control. I am sure you know it is a physical reaction to anxiety not a lot unlike a nervous stomach or nervous eye twitch but obviously much more invasive . But does your boyfriend know all of this? I think it would do him a lot of good to read more about the condition. Dr. Pacik’s book (When Sex Seems Impossible) has male perspectives and this forum has several perspectives from men that might help him understand more and realize he isn’t alone in this either. I won’t agree with giving you ultimatums but I realize that it may be simply that he is lost about it all just like you are and is handling it the only way he knows how. I have no way of knowing if this is true for him, but sometimes men feel the best way of handling something is just letting us women figure it out. Then they reap the benefits. Men do this in a lot of situations not just personal ones. When you are in a relationship, though, vaginismus is an OUR problem not a YOUR problem.

I hope my input is helpful and I hope you realize and truly believe that the progress you have made is amazing and do not let anyone let you think otherwise.

[lulu]

Know that you are not alone in this! You are not an alien either. You are normal. It i just that your vagina fights you. I tell people that vaginismus spasms are very much like any other muscle spasm in the body. It is not under a woman’s control and it just unfortunately happens to be in the vagina. Leg muscles, neck muscles, arm muscles…they all spasm with stress sometimes. They are all often painful just like vaginal spasms as well.

I cannot personally relate to being single and not dating. I have been with the same man since we were teenagers. We are married and I had the procedure 8 years into our relationship. I could have exams (although painful) but nothing other than that. He was with me every step of the way and never made me feel bad about it. He and many other men are proof that you can have a relationship with this condition. Yes, sex is important. Yes, most men desire sex. Yes, some men feel they cannot function without it. However, a man who really loves you will realize that this is not your fault and will want, more than anything, to overcome vaginismus with you not only so you can be totally intimate together but so you can have exams for your health, and feel better about yourself overall.

I do understand hiding your vaginismus, though. Until 6 months ago no one but my husband and doctors knew. I felt that I could not tell anyone, but now I know that it was silly to think that way. It has been a part of my healing process telling people. It becomes easier with time to tell people. If your friends are really your friends they will only want to help you, not hurt you or make you feel worse about it. I fully understand how telling people is much easier said than done, though. You need to do it on your own time and only when you feel completely comfortable about it.

Welcome to the forum : )

[lulu]

Heather,

I am doing well! I still can’t believe how far I have progressed in such a short amount of time. I have my moments and figure I will for a long time, but I am happy with where I am at and am going. I have been slacking off on my dilating the past couple of weeks, though. I am not proud of it. I plan on getting back on schedule this week. I have a habit of waiting until night and them I am tired and just want to go to bed. Take care!

[lulu]

Doggy style or “spooning” might be helpful Daisy if you have not tried it. It personally is not comfortable for me at all. My husband is “larger” and I am very petite. I also feel like I can’t relax in this position. However, if I lay on my side and he enters me sideways I do not have any discomfort. I didn’t know until this post what that position was called and had a reason to look it up. I believe it is called the linguine. I am not sure I will ever look at linguine the same again, but now I am hungry for pasta.

[lulu]

Daisy,
Congrats on the success!
Dr. Pacik calls what you are talking about leg lock. I would venture to say we have all dealt with some level of it. I had the procedure in July. I still deal with leg lock during certain situations. I am doing much better, though. I do not have it during sex, but imagine I still will have it a bit with exams. My husband has not inserted a dilator since we progressed to sex. I think my legs would still try to lock up a bit if he did, though. For me, it is a control thing. I think that might be the cause of leg lock for many vaginismus sufferers.
You said you try different positions so my only other advice would be maybe let your husband insert the dilators if he has never done that before. I always let mine do it while I was on my back because that was the worse leg lock position for me. I think that stems from gyno exams for me. Also easing into inserting his penis helps. Do not rush it. Let him kind of hover and slowly enter at your pace. Getting use to him being in you at different depths while you relax more can be helpful. I know what you mean. though, when you say you feel calm. That is the hard part with vaginismus. Your mind and body work against each other.
I hope I helped some!

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