[Walker]

It went great! Another milestone accomplished as I had my first successful gyn exam without any pain!!! I was so nervous as I started last night dilating with purple overnight and then around 11am while I was at work I dilated with Ms. Pink for two hours before my exam at 1pm. I have not been able to comfortably dilate with Big Blue but Ms Pink is all I need to have successful intercourse and pap smear completed. I told my doctor about my condition and how I was treated in June with Botox to stop the spasms and dilation schedule to stretch the vaginal muscles. He was very impressed with the procedure but he was more impressed with how I went from not being able to have any type of penetration without excruciating pain to being able to have pain free sex with my husband and to successfully complete a gyn exam with absolutely no pain! Oh course I am completely overjoyed to get a great bill of health and at the same time talk to my doctor about getting pregnant!!! Let me tell you I could have done cartwheels done the office corridor. Just want to encourage all the ladies with the condition that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t get discouraged but continue to dilate regularly and keep posting. You not only change your life with your testimony but you also change the lives of others who read your story.

[Walker]

So here I sit at work in my office and I am only 1 hour from my first gynecologist appt post procedure! As I write I have Ms Pink ( which is the largest dilator I use) inside while I work. It is so crazy because I have never dilated outside of my home! I have a lot of emotions going on inside as I keep telling myself that if I can dilate to the larger dilator and have intercourse successfully with my husband, I can overcome this fear of the gyno doctor. I am conquering two fears today face on as I dilate while at work and have a successful gyno appt during my lunch break! I will keep you ladies posted!

[Walker]

Congratulations Catherine!!!! Both me and my husband are so proud of you two! It has been a great journey knowing that we have connected with other couples who have experienced our story and have victoriously overcome vaginismus!!! I want to encourage you and every woman who is either in the early stages of getting comfortable with intercourse or who is just reading the forum and still suffering with vaginismus. This is the procedure that will change your life forever! Not only do you overcome vaginismus but you are able to communicate a lot better as my dear friend Catherine so poetically comented on. I can’t thank Dr. Pacik and his entire team enough for all that they have done and the friendships and bonds we have discovered on this road of recovery. Keep moving forward Catherine and dont get discouraged! Your relationship is developing daily with not only sex but also a deeper level of communication which is key. Keep me posted on your future endeavors and I wish you and your hubby the best! Much love to you.

[Walker]

Thanks Catherine! It has been a great journey and I have enjoyed sharing some of it with you! You are correct that practice makes perfect and that is my next journey! This is going to be an enjoyable one to conquer!

[Walker]

Hi everyone! Today was such an amazing day that I am still pinching myself to make sure I am not dreaming! Successful penile penetration on today Day 18 Post Procedure!!!! I just can not believe that I was finally able to have intercourse without pain after almost 8 years of marriage with no penetration! I dilated overnight with the purple and emailed Dr. P to find out a schedule that I could follow in the morning in order to try penetration. Since I started my menstrual last weekend I had to push my plans to try back a whole week. On Day 2 after my procedure when talking to Dr. Pacik he told us that penetration is a lot easier in the mornings because you would have dilated with the purple overnight and in the mornings, you can dilate to the pink and the blue if possible (I have not been able to dilate to the blue yet). Also mornings are good because the male is already erect which will allow transitioning to intercourse a whole lot easier. Since I had just restarted my dilating schedule on Wednesday, I was worried that I would not be able to dilate to Big Blue by the weekend and that would not make it extremely difficult to have penile penetration. So I emailed Dr. P last night explaining my situation and my plans to attempt penetration today. Him being the wonderful and caring doctor that he is, he emailed me back the same day with a plan for the morning! I was so surprised and thrilled to receive an email because I knew that he would guide me in the right direction. (side note: You might ask how can you be so forthcoming with the doctor but he is like no doctor you have ever met. He knows the condition inside out and he is the perfect person to guide you through this condition to success!) The plan was to wake up and dilate to the pink for an hour before trying intercourse. Keep the pink in until you are ready to insert the erect penis. He also told me to have fun with the process and try to relax as much as possible because that would make the attempt be a success. So I woke up early dilated from the purple that I had in overnight to the pink for an hour and 30 min. I then woke up my husband and he was ready to go! 🙂 We tried different positions like when I am dilating first in the squatting position (that did not work) then to the missionary (that did not work) and finally to the doggy-style (which ended in a success)!!!! It is so much better than a dilator! We kept it in for about 5 minutes and he did do so thrusting but it was all pain free!!! I just could not believe it! Pointers to remember: 1. Everyone is different and may not be able to dilate to the blue beforehand so don’t worry just make sure that you dilate for at least an hour with one of the larger dilators; 2. Trust Dr. P and communicate with him about your plans, anxieties, questions and remember to email your dilation logs so that he knows where you are in the process and it also keeps you accountable; 3. Trust yourself and your partner, relax and try to have fun. I could not have done this without my husband who made sure that I was comfortable at the different positions. If it doesn’t work in one position try another! Just don’t give up and it will happen for you!!! Thanks Dr. Pacik and your entire team! You have helped change my life forever!!!!

[Walker]

I started my menstrual on Day 12 Post Procedure and I decided not to dilate for the first 3 days because I have such a heavy flow. I was a little nervous about stopping because I was dilating everyday faithfully and wanted to continue with my progress. Fortunately, everything was fine when I started dilating again when my flow was a lot lighter. I started with the smaller blue silicone, which I had never even used before but I wanted to make sure that I had no pain (which I didn’t it was more anxiety than anything else). The small blue went in so quickly I forgot that I was dilating. I was nervous that I was not going to angle it right since I had not dilated in 3 whole days. It was really funny because I try to think about something else when dilating and when I got the thought in my head it was completely in!!! I had to laugh at how anxious I was about the procedure and how my body reacted to dilating again. Like I said before “I need to catch up emotionally to where I am physically.” I was able to dilate back up to the pink with no problem. Now I am on to conquering Mr. Blue and making penile penetration possible!

[Walker]

Hi Heather,
Dilating is becoming a lot easier everyday. I still struggle with sleeping with it at nights and I guess Lady Purple has become my friend. I am trying to add new friends daily like Ms. Pink and Mr. Blue. It is crazy but they do become part of you. The glass dilator is a lot easier for me to insert and it does not have that handle but it does seem to conform to the shape of your outer vagina muscles which helps. The only disadvantage as I stated earlier I found is that since it goes in so easily, it also comes out just as easily so you need to really have a good pair of tight panties on or a pad to keep it in. The last time I had the Pure Romance in was Day 1 Post Procedure and just wanted to stick with the glass. When you consistently dilate, it just decreases your anxiety daily because you are able to insert it. It is just a huge confidence builder and pushes me closer to the next step of intercourse. I cant wait to share that story! lol…:)

[Walker]

I have both the pure romance dilators and the glass dilators and I personally prefer the glass dilators because they go in a lot easier. Also when inserting them, because they are all the same length, I am able to insert them all the way and don’t have to worry about hitting the cervix. I do feel that some insertions go in better than others depending upon the angle but adjusting them does help. With the pure romance dilators because of their different lengths, I felt that I did not know how far was far enough (the purple went all the way in but the pink and blue did not). So I have decided to stick with the glass dilators (although you have to have tight panties and even a pad on to keep them in place) I would rather just work with the different sizes than have to also worry about how far they need to go in or should go in to ensure the even stretching of the muscles. It depends on preference and what feels right for you.

[Walker]

Hi Ladies! So today was Day 1 post procedure and we met at 8am in Dr. Pacik’s office for another day of practicing with our dilators and counseling from Dr. P and his amazing staff member Ellen. Last night I had no pain but took Ibuprofen just in case to make sure I did not wake up since I slept with the purple dilator in all night! Upon arriving to the office, we worked with the purple, pink and blue dilators at our own pace and was assisted by Dr. P and his staff if needed. It was an amazing experience for me because I really bonded with my husband during the dilation. I have a Type A controlling and perfectionist personality and dilating for me is showing me that I have to let go of some of my control and allow my husband to assist. He was amazing in that when I got stuck at points during dilation, he reminded me that I had already had the largest dilator in me yesterday and he guided the dilator with me until it went in! We were both shocked and looked at each other in awe! We realized that we needed each other more than ever and the dilation was also assisting in our communication with each other. Who knew that dilation could bring a couple closer?! It was great and almost as monumental as the procedure itself. What is also amazing is that dilation is possible for me now even though the Botox does not become active until around the 3rd or 4th day! Then we had counseling sessions and lunch with Dr. P and Ellen as he explained what to expect in the upcoming days, months and years. After an mentally exhaustive day (as I now retrain my mind that I am not experiencing pain during dilation but discomfort) we were invited by Dr. P and his amazing wife Janet to a lovely evening at his house on the lake. What doctor do you know does that?! He is an amazing person inside and out! The dinner with all the ladies together allowed us another opportunity to ask questions and connect with one another outside of the office. It also gave us a down time where we were not thinking about dilating but instead encouraging each other and talking about how to advocate for vaginismus by getting our stories heard. Dr. P also gave me the excellent idea of how to tell my mother about my condition by just giving her his book on Vaginismus and tell her to read this book that will explain what I am going through. Once she reads it, we can then have a conversation about it. I encourage every woman to advocate for vaginsimus because it is a condition that can be treated and cured in such a short time. Just two days ago, I could not even insert my finger into my vagina (Dr. P said I was a severe Level 5 who screamed and cried in the surgical room that people thought I was delivering a baby!) now I am dilating and on my way to having pain free intercourse with my husband and so can you.

[Walker]

I did it!!! Today June 12, 2012, was my procedure with two other brave ladies and we all woke up with the blue dilators in! Believe me when they tell you you don’t remember anything because the anesthesiologist, Dr. Rick and Dr. Pacik and his staff are soooo amazing! I was a level 5 with extreme anxiety living in the silence for almost 8 years. Thankfully and surprisingly after and before the procedure, I was comfortable the entire time and everyone was so great. They laughed with me when I was told that my reaction to the anesthesia was loud and crazy (don’t be scared because it was not painful at all just my emotional response to 8 years of silence from vaginismus). I don’t remember anything!!!! I just know that it worked and although I had a lot of spams in my vagina, I woke with the blue dilator inside of me (I cant stop saying that enough)! It was amazing and scary at the same time because I knew that now my emotions and self-talk have to catch up with what my body is now able to do. I cried so many times that I don’t know if I have any more tears (joy, anxiety, overwhelmed) but I do know that the procedure is worth all the money in the world! After the procedure you are walked through with the beginning of the dilation process which began while you were under anesthesia (all at your own pace and assisted by a great nurse). I was so emotional the entire time and my anxiety level was a 10 while my pain was a zero. My procedure began at 8am and I was finished by 12:30pm and then had lunch with other ladies, their spouses, and Dr. Pacik. Can you believe a doctor that eats lunch with his patient! He is amazing! (I would make the trip to just go and see him and talk with him about his travels). After the procedure you go from Mr. Blue to the pink and then leave with the purple all in the same day and in a short period of time! I have been currently dilating with the purple dilator (I purchased the glass ones because they go in a lot smoother) in since around 12:30pm and was told by Dr. Pacik not to take it out until I arrive back to the office tomorrow because my anxiety might not allow me to reinsert it if I take it out too soon. Although sitting is almost impossible for me right now, I am determined to follow through this process and not suffer anymore with this condition. I am now overcoming my anxiety because my body is now able to accept fingers, dilators and penises (just my husbands) but my mind has not been able to grasp fully the concept. Although it is a little bit of discomfort tonight, it is nothing like what I have experienced my entire life. Hence, I am able to write this post lying down. Whatever I have to do to stretch these muscles I am willing to do especially since it is not pain but discomfort, which all women know the difference between because of our monthly menstrual. Tomorrow is a big day of counseling, practicing with the dilators and completing dilation logs. I am excited about it and will post again to let you know how the day went. Hopefully I don’t need another box of tissues again. 🙂

[Walker]

I am planning my trip to New Hampshire for my procedure (June 12th…yeah) and I know Dr. Pacik has a special with the Raddison hotel but did anyone else stay someplace else nice during their procedure and pay less (has to have a complimentary airport shuttle)? I am just keeping my options open but we are planning to book this week. Also, we are are looking at maybe getting a rental car to drive to the coast because I love the beach and I think it would be a great opportunity to get my mind off the procedure. Any other suggestions of what we could do (locally or about 30 min away from New Hampshire) and what beaches and hotels there might be nice (if we decide to stay)? Just trying to figure out what is nice and fun to do to keep my mind off the procedure and have a smooth and comfortable place to dilate after the procedure. All suggestions and others experience in New Hampshire would be beneficial to help me decide what I might do during my stay. Thanks.

[Walker]

Hi Heather,

I talked with Dr. Pacik a week ago and he told me that I should buy a vibrator before my procedure to help with dilation afterwards. I have level 5 vaginismus and was wondering if you used a vibrator to help with your dilation and if so, did you bring it to your procedure in New Hampshire? My husband and I are talking about going together to find one but I have absolutely no clue what would be good. I really need a tutorial! 🙂 Just wondering what your experience is with this and if I need one before the procedure.

[Walker]

Hi Catherine,

It was great to read your post especially because I too am scheduled for June 12th procedure date! I cant wait to have the procedure done and I too would have had it done yesterday if at all possible. It took a long time for me to understand what was going on with my body and that there was assistance out there for me with Dr. Pacik. For years I thought I was alone but by the grace of God I found Dr. Pacik and his wonderful team. I also read everything on this website and filled out my papers for Dr. Pacik in one day! I needed to get my story out and it was comforting to know that other women are or have suffered from this condition. Just know that you are not alone and I would love it if we corresponded back and forth since we will definitely be meeting on the same day for our procedure. I will definitely need a buddy during this process since I have been silent for so many years because of embarrassment and shame. Great knowing that I have a roommate. Hope to talk with you soon. And I will definitely see you on June 12th. Take care and be encouraged that this will be over soon!

[Walker]

Hi ESANN,
I just booked my procedure for Dr. P today!!! I tried to get something earlier but he is booked until June. I encourage you to take the leap of faith with me and overcome your fear and schedule an appointment. Vaginismus and the shame has kept us in the dark so long, I am excited to finally have control and overcome it! I talked with Sue today and she was so helpful and nice and kept reassuring me that if I had any questions to please don’t hesitate to contact her. Also you only have to pay 25% when scheduling your date and the remainder is due 3 weeks before the procedure. This is giving me time to save my money and prepare for my final payment and to book my travel arrangements. I also have read almost everything on this website and I finished completing my papers in one day. I Loved Dr. P’s book and finished it in 4 days!!! I couldn’t put it down because it truly described my journey for the last 7 1/2 years of my marriage. I am just so excited and nervous but I know that I can do this. If you book now, we might be able to go on the same day! My advice is to take the leap and finally do something for yourself that will make a difference in the rest of your life.

[Walker]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading the forum for a couple of weeks now and trying to find out everything I can about vaginismus and the Botox treatment. I am planning to schedule my appointment next week with Dr. Pacik for the procedure in May. This forum is a great opportunity to share my story and talk with others who have or are experiencing the symptoms and fear of vaginismus. I have been married for almost eight years and have suffered with vaginismus the entire time. It has a been a huge struggle and strain on my marriage, but thankfully my husband is very understanding, patient and loving. Our faith in God has brought us through the eight years and we have grown closer in other areas. I want to be able to make love with him on our eighth anniversary. I always thought something was wrong with me and no one besides my husband knows that I have vaginismus. I don’t even know how to begin to describe the shame I have dealt with and how I have put up a front like my sex life is the best (when intercourse has never happened). My husband and I are also now feeling more pressure from our parents to have kids since we are both in our early thirties and have a “solid” marriage. Since hearing about Dr. Pacik and this procedure, we are able to start planning for the future and it is so exciting! I cant wait to book my procedure with Dr. Pacik and share with the forum my success. It has been so encouraging to see others overcome vaginismus and live a happy and fruitful life. I am ready for the new journey!

[Author]

Posts