Waking up with the dilator in place and ZERO pain

[Heather34]

Hi ladies. One of Dr. Pacik’s treated patients recently described Day 1 of the procedure and waking up with the dilator in place. She wrote “I was shocked as to how I had the large blue dilator in with ZERO pain.” In reading this, I remembered feeling the exact same way on day 1 of my procedure. I recall waking up with it in and immediately having to go to the bathroom. Once I went, I immediately re-inserted it and it went right in entirely pain-free. This was a huge moment for me and one that I always retraced with future progressive dilation at home. If I ever took a break from dilating or if I ever doubted for a second that I could do it, I would always remember how well it worked this time and KNEW that it would work again. It also helped with intercourse as well. I, again, KNEW that if I was able to dilate with Mr. Blue with zero pain this time, then my hubby would also cause zero pain as well. It truly was a surreal feeling to wake up with this dilator already in place and to realize for the very first time that something was comfortably inside of me and caused no pain whatsoever when everything else (even a q-tip) had caused pain in the past. It also worked well to make the anxiety/pain response really disappear for me. Once I no longer anticipated horrible and terrible pain with insertion, it simply went in with ease and the anxiety/trepidation entirely disappeared. What are your thoughts, comments here ladies?

[Walker]

I did it!!! Today June 12, 2012, was my procedure with two other brave ladies and we all woke up with the blue dilators in! Believe me when they tell you you don’t remember anything because the anesthesiologist, Dr. Rick and Dr. Pacik and his staff are soooo amazing! I was a level 5 with extreme anxiety living in the silence for almost 8 years. Thankfully and surprisingly after and before the procedure, I was comfortable the entire time and everyone was so great. They laughed with me when I was told that my reaction to the anesthesia was loud and crazy (don’t be scared because it was not painful at all just my emotional response to 8 years of silence from vaginismus). I don’t remember anything!!!! I just know that it worked and although I had a lot of spams in my vagina, I woke with the blue dilator inside of me (I cant stop saying that enough)! It was amazing and scary at the same time because I knew that now my emotions and self-talk have to catch up with what my body is now able to do. I cried so many times that I don’t know if I have any more tears (joy, anxiety, overwhelmed) but I do know that the procedure is worth all the money in the world! After the procedure you are walked through with the beginning of the dilation process which began while you were under anesthesia (all at your own pace and assisted by a great nurse). I was so emotional the entire time and my anxiety level was a 10 while my pain was a zero. My procedure began at 8am and I was finished by 12:30pm and then had lunch with other ladies, their spouses, and Dr. Pacik. Can you believe a doctor that eats lunch with his patient! He is amazing! (I would make the trip to just go and see him and talk with him about his travels). After the procedure you go from Mr. Blue to the pink and then leave with the purple all in the same day and in a short period of time! I have been currently dilating with the purple dilator (I purchased the glass ones because they go in a lot smoother) in since around 12:30pm and was told by Dr. Pacik not to take it out until I arrive back to the office tomorrow because my anxiety might not allow me to reinsert it if I take it out too soon. Although sitting is almost impossible for me right now, I am determined to follow through this process and not suffer anymore with this condition. I am now overcoming my anxiety because my body is now able to accept fingers, dilators and penises (just my husbands) but my mind has not been able to grasp fully the concept. Although it is a little bit of discomfort tonight, it is nothing like what I have experienced my entire life. Hence, I am able to write this post lying down. Whatever I have to do to stretch these muscles I am willing to do especially since it is not pain but discomfort, which all women know the difference between because of our monthly menstrual. Tomorrow is a big day of counseling, practicing with the dilators and completing dilation logs. I am excited about it and will post again to let you know how the day went. Hopefully I don’t need another box of tissues again. 🙂

[Walker]

Hi Ladies! So today was Day 1 post procedure and we met at 8am in Dr. Pacik’s office for another day of practicing with our dilators and counseling from Dr. P and his amazing staff member Ellen. Last night I had no pain but took Ibuprofen just in case to make sure I did not wake up since I slept with the purple dilator in all night! Upon arriving to the office, we worked with the purple, pink and blue dilators at our own pace and was assisted by Dr. P and his staff if needed. It was an amazing experience for me because I really bonded with my husband during the dilation. I have a Type A controlling and perfectionist personality and dilating for me is showing me that I have to let go of some of my control and allow my husband to assist. He was amazing in that when I got stuck at points during dilation, he reminded me that I had already had the largest dilator in me yesterday and he guided the dilator with me until it went in! We were both shocked and looked at each other in awe! We realized that we needed each other more than ever and the dilation was also assisting in our communication with each other. Who knew that dilation could bring a couple closer?! It was great and almost as monumental as the procedure itself. What is also amazing is that dilation is possible for me now even though the Botox does not become active until around the 3rd or 4th day! Then we had counseling sessions and lunch with Dr. P and Ellen as he explained what to expect in the upcoming days, months and years. After an mentally exhaustive day (as I now retrain my mind that I am not experiencing pain during dilation but discomfort) we were invited by Dr. P and his amazing wife Janet to a lovely evening at his house on the lake. What doctor do you know does that?! He is an amazing person inside and out! The dinner with all the ladies together allowed us another opportunity to ask questions and connect with one another outside of the office. It also gave us a down time where we were not thinking about dilating but instead encouraging each other and talking about how to advocate for vaginismus by getting our stories heard. Dr. P also gave me the excellent idea of how to tell my mother about my condition by just giving her his book on Vaginismus and tell her to read this book that will explain what I am going through. Once she reads it, we can then have a conversation about it. I encourage every woman to advocate for vaginsimus because it is a condition that can be treated and cured in such a short time. Just two days ago, I could not even insert my finger into my vagina (Dr. P said I was a severe Level 5 who screamed and cried in the surgical room that people thought I was delivering a baby!) now I am dilating and on my way to having pain free intercourse with my husband and so can you.

[Catherine]

Walker —

Thank you so much for these beautiful entries. I feel so blessed to have shared this week with you and your husband.

For all the ladies reading this, Walker summarized the Dr. Pacik treatment experience perfectly. Life-changing – in a million ways! I will share my own experience in a separate post.

[Heather34]

This is an excellent thread to read on all accounts and my sincere congratulations to Walker and Catherine! Wonderful job ladies!!!

[arose]

I agree entirely with Walker’s account of her time in Manchester. My procedure was a month later (a week ago in fact), and it really was a great time – Dr Pacik really is an amazing person, and even though beforehand I thought having to share the experience with other women would be the last thing I wanted, it really was one of the best parts!