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Thank you, Nakitalab, that really helps. xxx

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Thanks for your kind thoughts, Allie, and I’m so pleased for your pregnancy. xxx

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Hi Nakitalab,

thank you for your moving post. We have been trying to conceive since October, and whilst I don’t think I have a fertility problem as such, I can relate to the longing, impatience, and the emotional rollercoaster ride that you describe.

My periods seem to happen only every other month, which means it’s not only harder to track when ovulation may occur, but it also means half the amount of fertile days than normal. I recently did become pregnant but had an early miscarriage, which only adds to the mixed emotions of hope, yet emptiness and loss.

I have found that I have had particular low days around the holidays or weekends, the ‘family times’ when I imagine taking my baby out for the day or spending time in the garden. Also, I read in to any and every bodily symtom and have in previous months felt pretty nauseous and pregnant like until taking a pregnancy test, and on seeing the negative, the symptoms have disappeared! (However, when I was pregnant, the symptoms were so strikingly obvious and on a totally different level).

I’ve found a few things are helping…

– Keeping busy!
– Spending time with a close girl friend who knows the situation (My husband tries to understand, but his typically male ‘list writing’ ideas don’t compare to some girly tlc!)
– I’ve bought a couple of books: ‘Taking Charge of your Fertility’ (which Heather has mentioned before), and ‘The impatient women’s guide to getting pregnant’ (which is a shorter more personal, humerous, yet helpful read), and (as of today), I’ve started charting my temperature etc to help moniter my fertility.
– I’ve also bought a pack of ovulation predictors (you can buy the strips without the plastic coating cheaply online) – as my periods are irregular and I haven’t been able to predict ovulation, I’m hoping weeing on one of these eversday might help! Only been doing it for a few days so far though so I haven’t had a positive yet.
– I’m (trying!) to cut down on caffeine and alcohol, and eat heathily, and I read that this is just as important for the man to do as the women. However, I’ve found it’s also important for your sanity (and the romance!) to have nights where you just let your hair down and enjoy yourself!
– Using a fertility friendly lube is important (we use conceive plus, but there are a few out there)… don’t just assume that yours is ok, as many, including KY, hamper the motility of the sperm.
– Also (obviously!) keeping up with regular sex (as I was able to get pregnant at least I know this works!)

I know all this may sound a little control crazy, but after feeling pretty low, I’m feeling much better about doing something about it (some things are out of our control, but not everthing!.. and what we do can make some difference). As I said though, having been able to get pregnant gives me the hope that it will happen again, its just a matter of time, I’m just ridiculously impatient now (having waited for so many years with vag!). Whilst having a miscarriage has been really hard, I am sure that if I had not managed to get pregnant yet at all, I would be feeling much more depressed about it, as indeed I did before the pregnancy.

Thinking of you, and hang on in there.

Arose xxx

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Thanks Nakitalab and Heather,

When I saw the doctor this week, she said I needed to have used nothing for five days! (She uses a small amount of KY on the swab, but apparently that is all that is allowed)… perhaps the labs are much stricter in the UK?! Anyway, as I managed the internal ultrasound with no prior dilating for a similar period, it isn’t a total impossibility in my mind that I can manage this too (though clearly not ideal). My heart was pounding in the waiting room even this time!

Fortunately, I had chosen to see a doctor in my practice who is known to be the better one for gyno things – it was so nice to mention vaginismus and not have to explain what it is! She understood immediately that if I had had this then of course exams will have been a nightmare.

She postponed the smear test because of the lube issue (I had dilated the previous night), and the pregnancy – next test booked for a couple of months (and if I’m pregnant again by then I get out of it a second time!).

The good news was that as myself and my husband had not had any prior sexual partners, the risk of cervical cancer was very low.

Arose xx

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Hi Heather!

thanks for this advice. I’m still building up the courage to book my gyn exam. Anxiety seems to be the biggest issue here, especially as I remember how traumatic the exam was with Dr P prior to the procedure. In fact, it is this memory of reacting uncontrollably and the pain that went with it (even though I know this was purely anxiety based) that makes me worry that I will not be able to cope with a gyn exam.

Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome the anxiety issues relating to gyn exams and generally being touched/finger insertions? Whilst being fine with intercourse, I have still not yet overcome these issues.

Thanks!

Arose.

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Hi Sarah,

I am from the UK too! I am from the South West.

I had the procedure done with Dr Pacik in July, and it has been a success! I too had previously tried the plastic ones from vag.com, but as so many others have said, the pure romance and glass ones are much more comfortable. In fact, now I only use the glass. Whilst I made some progress just with the dilators, it was never enough, so it was really the combination of botox, the regular and guided dilation schedule, and the support from Dr Pacik, his team, and the forum, that made all the difference. I think all these things are equally important.

I would be interested to know where you are having the botox done in the UK? Obviously, I made the trip from the UK to the States, and whilst it was an amazing experience, it was pretty costly too!

You mentioned the problem with the q tip. I seem to have the same problem! Whilst I am successful with the dilators and intercourse, I seem to be too anxious with the q tip, and really struggle with the idea of exams. I really should be booking my first gyn exam… just building up the courage! However, there is lots of advice on here about having a successful gyn exam, including going to the appointment with a dilator already in place. Once you have the glass ones, they would be the best for this sort of thing as they are shorted and don’t have a handle sticking out.

Do let me know how you get on, its always good to hear from someone else in the UK dealing with this!

Arose xx

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Hi Coffee,

Thinking of you as you have your appointment. Extreme anxiety is a tough one to fix alone, but with the right support you can conquer it! I would be interested to know how it goes, and what they suggest,

Arose xxx

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Hi! I thought I notices a bit of a change when the botox was wearing off, as it was taking me longer to insert the dilators again, but actually I think that I naturally go through times when its easier or harder, as I too like you are very busy, and don’t always keep up with the dilation schedule as often as I should. I find that after a more difficult spell, once I’m back on the dilators more regularly things quickly get easier again, and as time goes by, missing the odd few days less of a difference. Don’t panic… 4 months is still quite early in the game to 100% retrain your muscles, but you have made such good progress and as long as you keep up with the dilations when you can you will continue to make good progress. We all have set backs – this is totally normal. 🙂

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I too have been using the Yes lube. The oil based lasts a long time, so I use this when I dilate overnight, as it was good too when we first started having intercourse, as ‘things’ often took their time! It’s also nice as it’s made out of various kinds of butters and can be used for body massage too. Don’t forget now though that the botox is wearing off so the dyness side effect will be as well, so lots of foreplay will help your natural moisture levels, which for many women is sufficient anyway 🙂

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H there, would though hubby would be bigger than a six, so we bought the glass seven. Once I got really comfortable with the six, I progressed to seven, and this helped me feel less anxious about attempting intercourse. However, once we were able to have sex, I realised I didn’t actually need to use the seven any longer, and in fact I now only rarely use the six, as the five is sufficient! So I would say it’s not essential, but helped me to physically and menatally prepare.

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We had a similar issue with thrusting, but we’ve just changed from an oil based lube to a water based one (for different reasons), but have found that this has really helped me tolerating movement as it is so much more slippery… perhaps therefore consider if changing lube would help? xx

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p.s. Since my last post we have changed from an oil based to a water based lube, which is much more slippery… this small change has made the movement side of things much easier!.. perhaps try a change of lube? xx

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Hi ladies,

I just read today that some lubes can kill sperm (“Semen is neutral to alkaline, so using an acidic lubricant at ovulation may damage sperm motility”), so if you’re having trouble conceiving it may be worth rethinking which lube you use. The Yes Yes lube company produce a fertility friendly lube. You can read more about this at http://www.yesyesyes.org/yesbaby.htm

Arose x

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Thank you ladies, it is a comfort to know that I am not alone in this.

I didn’t manage to try again this time round, but I hope to be able to spend a bit more time addressing this issue perhaps next time, and like you say, when I’m not in a rush. Please do keep me updated with how you get on, and if you have any more tips for success with this!

Even though I can now have sex, I feel it won’t be until I have overcome this issue, as well as the fear and pain experienced during an exam, that I will have conquered vaginismus.

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Coffee, I’ve just replied to you in your other post… thinking of you, be strong and keep going! x

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