Infertility and Vaginismus

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    There have been some wonderful postings of new babies and pregnancies. What joyous news. But at the same time it can be a painful reminder to those of us who struggle with infertility and want so desperately to become pregnant and have our own little bundle of joy. Struggling with Vaginismus for so long and then being blessed with Dr. Pacik’s procedure and being able to have pain free intercourse is such a blessing! It seems so unfair that we have conquered this huge obstacle in our lives and then have it be so difficult to become pregnant when you so desperately want to conceive.

    I remember trying everything from taking my temperature to putting my legs up in the air after intercourse in hopes that one little swimmer would find my egg. Intercourse can go back to being a chore as you look at the calendar and count the days to ovulation and when that time comes or when the ovulation kit says its time you hurry to have that intimate moment. You watch the calendar and your cycle and sometimes your body even tricks us in to thinking we are pregnant only to find that we start menstruating . . . a cruel reminder that another month has slipped by.

    Sometimes we struggle with our partner/husband as it might not seem as important to them as it is to us. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. I have been there and totally understand what you are going through. I am here for you and encourage you to share your feelings here on the Forum. It is so helpful to share it with someone and not keep it building up inside. Please know that I am here for you and want you to know that you can post and share with me (and others) anything that you are feeling or going through. I really hope that you will respond to this post and share what you are feeling and going through. My heart and prayers are with you.


    This is a great post. Infertility is so unfair and heartbreaking, especially after going through vaginismus. My heart goes out to all the women trying to conceive…

    Dr. Pacik

    Thanks Nakitalab for your wonderful post. You are truly an inspiration for all of us having overcome severe grade 5 vaginismus that you struggled with for 34 years! And now you are helping as a moderator! What a success story!

    I think it would be important for others to weigh in with this discussion. What are others doing to get pregnant now that intercourse is possible. We have had posts about the use of Pre-Seed lubricant which is known to be sperm friendly. How are others handling this next step?

    A May 2012 blog discusses pregnancy after vaginismus treatment
    and more information can be found by typing in the search term pregnancy. Let’s hear from others who have either been trying to get pregnant or have been successful. Let’s also hear about the actual delivery itself. There is much we can learn from one another.

    Janet Pacik

    We just finished writing a blog on Coping with Mother’s Day after Botox Treatment for Vaginismus. It will be published next Tuesday, May 7th. This blog will contain a few resources for coping with Mother’s Day. It is a wonderful blog and worth reading.


    Hi Nakitalab,

    thank you for your moving post. We have been trying to conceive since October, and whilst I don’t think I have a fertility problem as such, I can relate to the longing, impatience, and the emotional rollercoaster ride that you describe.

    My periods seem to happen only every other month, which means it’s not only harder to track when ovulation may occur, but it also means half the amount of fertile days than normal. I recently did become pregnant but had an early miscarriage, which only adds to the mixed emotions of hope, yet emptiness and loss.

    I have found that I have had particular low days around the holidays or weekends, the ‘family times’ when I imagine taking my baby out for the day or spending time in the garden. Also, I read in to any and every bodily symtom and have in previous months felt pretty nauseous and pregnant like until taking a pregnancy test, and on seeing the negative, the symptoms have disappeared! (However, when I was pregnant, the symptoms were so strikingly obvious and on a totally different level).

    I’ve found a few things are helping…

    – Keeping busy!
    – Spending time with a close girl friend who knows the situation (My husband tries to understand, but his typically male ‘list writing’ ideas don’t compare to some girly tlc!)
    – I’ve bought a couple of books: ‘Taking Charge of your Fertility’ (which Heather has mentioned before), and ‘The impatient women’s guide to getting pregnant’ (which is a shorter more personal, humerous, yet helpful read), and (as of today), I’ve started charting my temperature etc to help moniter my fertility.
    – I’ve also bought a pack of ovulation predictors (you can buy the strips without the plastic coating cheaply online) – as my periods are irregular and I haven’t been able to predict ovulation, I’m hoping weeing on one of these eversday might help! Only been doing it for a few days so far though so I haven’t had a positive yet.
    – I’m (trying!) to cut down on caffeine and alcohol, and eat heathily, and I read that this is just as important for the man to do as the women. However, I’ve found it’s also important for your sanity (and the romance!) to have nights where you just let your hair down and enjoy yourself!
    – Using a fertility friendly lube is important (we use conceive plus, but there are a few out there)… don’t just assume that yours is ok, as many, including KY, hamper the motility of the sperm.
    – Also (obviously!) keeping up with regular sex (as I was able to get pregnant at least I know this works!)

    I know all this may sound a little control crazy, but after feeling pretty low, I’m feeling much better about doing something about it (some things are out of our control, but not everthing!.. and what we do can make some difference). As I said though, having been able to get pregnant gives me the hope that it will happen again, its just a matter of time, I’m just ridiculously impatient now (having waited for so many years with vag!). Whilst having a miscarriage has been really hard, I am sure that if I had not managed to get pregnant yet at all, I would be feeling much more depressed about it, as indeed I did before the pregnancy.

    Thinking of you, and hang on in there.

    Arose xxx


    Hi Arose,

    So sorry for your early miscarriage and for the heartache of waiting for that test to show a positive sign. I think after what we have all been through getting pregnant should just happen! Its not fair and so many people take it for granted. I will be praying for you Arose. Your time will come so don’t give up!

    I am 16 weeks pregnant and honestly, it still doesn’t seem real to me. After so many years of thinking I would never be a mom, I think once I hold my baby in my arms is when I think I will truly believe it.

    Please know I am here for all of you. I think and pray for you all who have overcame vag and now trying to conceive. My heart goes out to you all….<3


    Thanks for your kind thoughts, Allie, and I’m so pleased for your pregnancy. xxx


    Hi Arose, I’m sorry I’m just now seeing your post. I really like the things you have been doing to help you. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking of you and hoping each day is getting a little better. Sending you hugs and love.


    Thank you, Nakitalab, that really helps. xxx

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