Extreme fear

[coffee]

Thanks for caring.

[arose]

Hi Coffee,

Thinking of you as you have your appointment. Extreme anxiety is a tough one to fix alone, but with the right support you can conquer it! I would be interested to know how it goes, and what they suggest,

Arose xxx

[arose]

Hi Sarah,

I am from the UK too! I am from the South West.

I had the procedure done with Dr Pacik in July, and it has been a success! I too had previously tried the plastic ones from vag.com, but as so many others have said, the pure romance and glass ones are much more comfortable. In fact, now I only use the glass. Whilst I made some progress just with the dilators, it was never enough, so it was really the combination of botox, the regular and guided dilation schedule, and the support from Dr Pacik, his team, and the forum, that made all the difference. I think all these things are equally important.

I would be interested to know where you are having the botox done in the UK? Obviously, I made the trip from the UK to the States, and whilst it was an amazing experience, it was pretty costly too!

You mentioned the problem with the q tip. I seem to have the same problem! Whilst I am successful with the dilators and intercourse, I seem to be too anxious with the q tip, and really struggle with the idea of exams. I really should be booking my first gyn exam… just building up the courage! However, there is lots of advice on here about having a successful gyn exam, including going to the appointment with a dilator already in place. Once you have the glass ones, they would be the best for this sort of thing as they are shorted and don’t have a handle sticking out.

Do let me know how you get on, its always good to hear from someone else in the UK dealing with this!

Arose xx

[Allie]

Coffee,

So sorry to hear that you are still dealing with major anxiety. It’s the most frustrating and scary thing to go through. Please know that we are here for you. Let me know how your appt goes.

[Heather34]

Hi coffee. You wrote, “haven’t been posting lately because don’t wanna discourage anyone else.” Please never feel like you are discouraging anyone. We are all here for each other and this Forum is a wonderful community of support through it all, both the ups and the downs. I am so sorry that you are continuing to experience anxiety and am here for you always. Have you looked more into the replica kits with your hubby?

http://www.vaginismusmd.com/vaginismus-md-forum/?mingleforumaction=viewtopic&t=442

This may be a great option where you would become used to dilating with the exact size and shape of him. I hope your appointment goes well today. Please let us all know how it goes and, again, we are all here to support you.

[sarah]

Hi

Coffee i dont think you should worry about being discouraging as we are all here to support each other. I have a very serious anxiety issue and tbh my husband has become less tolerant recently and i am doing it alone as it were ! But uv just got to lookat al the progress you have made and then you will realise gou bave gone far.
Arose finally a friend from the ukً…. How many days post procedure did you achieve intercourse.? Im going to have it at a place in london although i relly want to go to us and hqve this via dr pacik as the support bei g offered there seems amazi g and i think that makes a difference in the outcome.

Heather my problem is that i can dilate myself quite comfortably in one motion not pulling etc but i cant tolerate anybody else doing it… If that makes sense but i only learned that when i went for the exam with the gynae expert… I wasnt anxious but when he tried to inseert the smallest dilator he couldnt and i could feel everything but on my own i am fine and i get the 4 biggest plastice one in..

Can i ask another question please when i dilate i sometimes get a bloaty tummy the day after or lower abdomen pain i always wash th dilators with boiling water et. Prior to use

Does anybody else experience this?

Thanks

Please all keep in touch i think it helps us all and coffee please dont be discouraged you have an understanding partner so you will do it.

X

[Heather34]

Hi Sarah. I have an idea that may help you with your ob/gyn exams as you talk about it being difficult with the doctor inserting the speculum. An option here would be to actually order a speculum on-line and practice inserting it yourself. If I was doing this, I would dilate in advance with one of the larger dilators for a while, remove it, and then gently insert the speculum. This may help you to become comfortable with it. Then, perhaps you could ask the doctor if you could insert the speculum yourself. If you find an understanding and compassionate doctor and explain the condition of vaginismus in advance, this may be an option. I remember having an internal ultrasound in the past to observe ovarian cysts and the ultrasound technician asked me if I wanted to insert this myself. I didn’t want to at the time and allowed her too but this was an option given to me and could definitely, definitely work for you too. Hope this helps.

[coffee]

Thanks Sarah. My husband has been supportive……..still is. We have been dealing with this almost 14 years. My anexiety is over the top. I went to my primary care doctor they gave me valium on a as needed basis 10mg, and well butrin 300 mg. but I will only take the valium when I really need it those moments when I can’t control my emotions……..I will be seeing someone for anexity as well. This has been a long road, I don’t sleep at night well, I dilate regularly still. But I have days when I am at my lowest, this may not make sense……but one day a nurse I work with came in and said she was pregnant, I was happy for her, at this time I don’t wont any children but I knew what it took for her to get pregnant…….so I had to step out and gain my composure. Something so natural and I am struggling horribly. A lot of my friends have families and they all seem happy…they talk about their sex lives and I just ease out the room. I think about this all day, I have bad headaches and hardly no appetite at times. I pray every night before I dilate I also pray for courage and strength to keep going, and moving forward. Sometimes I just lay in bed at night thinking my heart is pounding and I look at my husband because my heart just breaks for him. He has been through so much and I love him dearly, I just hate 14 years have passed by so fast. This issue I feel controls every part of my life, I feel I don’t have a good relationship with my inlaws because of this and my i securities, just because I wasn’t honest with them are my husband in the beginning I guess that weighs on me a lot to. I love my inlaws just hate I kinda messed things up. So I admit I have a problem….a serious one……I admit I need help……..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So that’s why I am going to a therapist. I just wanna be normal and carefree for one day. I have carried this around for 14 years seems longer I am tired mentally and emotionally, but no matter what I dilate I don’t wont vaginismus coming back, I cry for about 30 min then I dilate. I appreciate the staff. At the clinic they are so encouraging and understanding no matter how many times I call they are willingly to listen they are patient because sometimes I asked the questions over and over just to reassure myself. Didn’t think I would be going on 6 months and no intercourse yet. It is kinda hard to explain I love my husband I wanna have sex with him, just need get this anexiety under control. I am finding it harder and harder to keep my composure in public I just start crying and I have to leave wherever I am at.

[coffee]

You just continue to hang in there. My husband gets frustrated at times to. Thanks for your encouragement!!!!!!!!!

[coffee]

I guess in mind I thought it would be easier than I thought.

[Heather34]

Hi coffee. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. As we both have said many times, I wish we lived next door to each other and I could take you out to talk and help even more. Just know that no matter how far away we live, I am here for you. I know that it seems so hard and difficult right now, but I also know that there will be a day when this is all behind you. You are an incredibly strong and amazing women and I am so very proud of you. Every single time you take the important steps to dilate, you give other people reading this courage and inspiration to keep moving forward. There may have been many days that you have been discouraged, but despite this, you have found it deep within to keep pushing forward and keep making tremendous progress with the dilators. This shows your true perseverance and for that, I am smiling as I even write at this moment thinking of you. I also remember the day when you had your first entirely successful ob/gyn exam post-procedure. This was so difficult to do yet you completely and totally ROCKED it coffee!!!! Every day, you are getting stronger and I know that these next steps will just help you even further. I am here for you always!!!! Sending my hugs to you.

[sarah]

Hi coffee reading your post you sound vvv similar to
Myself….. All i can say is you have tl keep trying. I cant afford to have th botox yet but its something i really want so i can yes iv tried it all.

I always say to myself yes i will try intercourse and then tmrw neva comes as imput it off as im too scared of failing i think that is my biggest problem.

I know what you mean tho i just want to be normal..! It is frustraing as i also havd fertility issues so have a phusical relationship wouldnundoubtedly increase my chance of havibg a baby.

Oh its all too much sometimes but cant stop tryimg

Keep me posted coffee im always looking for your posts as you r one person that seems v similar to myself .

The rest of the girlys fab for gettng so far and everybody dont lose hope lets keep it up

Xx

[coffee]

Thank you Sarah and heather. Your thoughts and words are very encouraging to me. So I dilated last night it went in fine. This really is a journey a journey that is hard and we have to keep going uphill and not backslide. I don’t wanna do that. I hope one day Sarah you can have the procedure as well. Hopefully the rocky road will soon be smooth where one day we. All will say I accomplished my goal and feel so proud of ourselves………..Sarah keep moving forward. I think you are doing great without the Botox that’s amazing……………I just wished all this anexiety could go away!,,,,,,,,

[Heather34]

I absolutely love your perseverance both coffee and Sarah. You are an inspiration to others. How many other gals would have given up or have given up and not dilated at all post-procedure due to persistent anxiety? I’m sure there are many, many others but NOT YOU. You wrote “this really is a journey that is hard and we have to keep going uphill.” I loved reading this and I just know with your determination, you can do anything and everything, including overcoming vaginismus. Whenever you have any doubts, always remind yourself of just how much progress you have made and also how amazing you did with the ob/gyn exam. Despite being very, very nervous, you, yourself, took control of your anxiety and pushed through it to an entirely successful outcome! I am so proud of you for this. You will be able to do the exact same thing with intercourse and everything else in your life with this determination coffee! Keep up the great work!!

[coffee]

Thank you thank you I am crying as I am reading this. You are so encouraging and thoughtful. Thank thank you. Oh how I wished we stayed closer.