[Alyx]

Hi Dr. Pacik! I have still began going to counseling again and you’re right, I seldom dilate. Sometimes it helps if I dilate just before insertion with my husband. It’s weird that I can go straight to blue, of course taking it slow, but trying to just insert with my husband is always a task. I don’t know why the mind keeps holding on to things that happened to me as a child??? It’s weird… it’s subconscious which makes it just that much more difficult. ??? We have made progress though… Sex is still mechanical but at least it can be done. When I first reached out to your office I had been trying to make peace with the fact that sex may never happen for me. I’ve also learned to be ok with the fact that it’s taking me much longer than most. I have to remember, this is my journey and I can’t expect it to be the same as anyone else. Thank you Dr. Pacik for all the work that you do. Even though I’m not where I want to be yet in my VAG journey, I know that I’m light years beyond where I was. You and Mrs. Pacik are awesome. 🙂

[Alyx]

Thanks Kelseroo! You’re cool! lol! I’ll have to try this big time lol. Oh and I’m still excited… I posted this in another forum but I’m gonna post it here too… Last night we tried using Olive Oil as a lubricant in place of my beloved Liquid Silk lubricant and it was fantabulous! lol… We’ve never experienced insertion so fast. I just had to say it again… also don’t be surprised if I mention it again in another thread lol!

[Alyx]

Ok, I had to log on and tell everybody… so we tried the Olive Oil last night and it was Great! It worked better than the Liquid Silk lubricant I love… Normally the insertion process takes a bit for me but it went in much faster with the Olive Oil! Great tip! I’ll definitely keep using this! 🙂

[Alyx]

I just read the article and this is a great tip! Question though, is it ok to use the olive oil, coconut oil, or cocoa butter as a lubricant alone??? I’m asking because the blog article said to use it to coat another lubricant?? I’d love to try it but just want to know if it’s ok first…

Alyx 🙂

[Alyx]

Hi Galaxy and Heather! Ok so I’m not a drinker (I know I’m such a nerd)… so what would be a good wine to try??? Something fruity… see that’s why I don’t drink – because I never liked the taste of alcohol… so maybe something sweet??? Any suggestions??? lol… Oh and Galaxy last time we tried adding the vibrator… it felt a little awkward for me but I’m not giving up so we plan to try it again. 🙂

Side note: I just want to say I’m incredibly thankful for you ladies. You’re awesome and I love being able to come here to vent or talk or just to have someone who can relate. Also want to give a world wide shout out to my bestie who overcame vag (I won’t mention her name) and is now expecting!! God is soo good! I’m soo happy for her! Not to mention, seeing her at this point gives me hope too!

[Alyx]

Hi Galaxy!

Thanks for commenting! Weve tried sensate focus before a couple of times and hubby is not feeling bringing a vibrator into things. So im at a bit of an impasse because im like you in that clitoral stimulation is my best bet. Idk???

[Alyx]

Hi Bosox! Thank you sooo much for responding, I really appreciate it! Weve tried marriage counseling twice, once before and once during the time of my procedure. Ive also tried individual counseling twice and even a psychiatrist once pre procedure who told me to relax, have a glass of wine and a cigar??? So im hesitant intrying again mostly because it never worked before… I am interested in more info though…im a nerd and I research everything before I do it lbvs… ummm how can we swap personal emails??? Or maybe can we dm each other within the forum??? Thanks again, your post really gave made a bright spot in my day. Ttyl – Alyx

[Alyx]

While I appreciate your words. The “wants, needs, and desires” statement came from me… he never said those words. I consider myself a strong woman and it takes alot for me to discuss this let alone post on the forum. We’ve been married for almost 9 years and he’s been supportive in this with me. Everyday isnt perfect but overall hes been dealing. I feel bad because hes my husband and I love him. I know thats an area to which im clearly not satisfying him which is why I even bothered to push through everything I felt to continously seek out help and treatment. I had the procedure done as a last effort. Id seen several doctors, specialists, and therapists over the years to no avail. I fought soo hard partly because I want a normal healthy marriage in addition to wanting no more pain. I would imagine this makes me akin to any wife who would want to please her husband in the bedroom. This does not make me weak, and this does not make him a villain…this makes us human. Again, I really do appreciate your words, im not just saying that. I am however looking for suggestions on things I could implement and or similar testimonials as im in search of hope for the situation and already feel bad enough. Thanks again, Alyx

[Alyx]

Ok… I’ll definitely have to work up my nerve and try it.

[Alyx]

Hi Heather! I actually haven’t. I’m a little nervous about even introducing the idea to him. Sometimes he “jokingly” calls the dilators dildo’s. So I kinda think he is not gonna feel very welcoming to the idea of vibrators???

[Alyx]

Hey Nakitalab thanks for responding. As you can see I’m seldom on here and it never alerts me to when someone responds to my posts or anything. I’m with you. I never felt comfy with my hubby helping me to dilate. I have MAJOR trust issues. I’ll have to try that while I’m dilating. I seldom dilate anymore which definitely tells me that my anxiety is overwhelming. I know i can do it with the dilators and each time I dilate I have little to no issue doing so now. But actual intercourse is still a struggle for me???

[Alyx]

Hey Nakitalab… how’s your hubby feel about introducing the vibrator??? Do you use it as foreplay with him around or do you do it alone like when dilating beforehand??? I’ve heard other girls talk about their hubby assisting with the dilators too, but I can’t imagine that??? Is that weird? Not to mention, my hubby doesn’t care for the dilators anyhow… At least I don’t think he does. I have a dilator. I bought it right after we returned from having my procedure done. Dr. P said it helps some girls to use it on their lower abdomen… it did. But now that we’ve transitioned I’m just wondering if I could use it for it’s actual purpose. ??? It’s called a Play Pure Fantasy by Durex…

[Alyx]

Thanks for the encouragement guys. It’s going on two years since my procedure for me and it’s still very mechanical. We’ve just been able to add real thrusting which is still very uncomfortable. I just really wanted to ask for other long termers because sometimes it feels very lonely on this street – so to speak. I know it’s not a race but it feels weird sometimes when you think others can’t relate. ??? Thank you guys soo much for the encouragement!

[Alyx]

I just looked at this page, so I’m very interested to know if anyone has tried them as well.

[Alyx]

Hi Chocolate,

I had a doctor to prescribe me Valium too. I hated it. Another one told me to have a cigar and a glass of wine – Note: I don’t drink or smoke??? Granted I have yet to get my pap smear, but my gyno did understand the diagnosis. However, my primary care physician did not she’s the one who sent me to the gyno… I also know that feeling of having to re-explain everything… it sucks. Having to tell the tech’s who are supposed to take your weight and blood pressure why you’re there. I try to be discrete but they look at me as if I have 3 eyes. Nonetheless, I gave my primary care a copy of Dr. Pacik’s book. Seriously, I printed it out – three whole punched it and then put it in a binder. Seems like a lot of work, but I must say I’ve never had to explain anything about it ever since. I hope this helps.

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