There are some things in life that get old. Fashion trends. Slang terms. Pokemon. Cars. Textbooks.
But one thing that never gets old is what it is like sitting with a woman who has just had pain-free intercourse after years of suffering from vaginismus. When patients with vaginismus first come here, many of them report feeling like there has been a dark cloud following them through life. Life may be going well in other areas, but when it comes to sex, they feel so stunted, isolated, and stuck in a cocoon of hopelessness. There are no words to describe the pain, anguish, and loss that often accompanies vaginismus; it’s so much more than just “I can’t have sex”.
Within weeks of starting treatment, the cocoon starts to get a crack of light from the outside, a sense that perhaps it won’t have to be dark forever. And sure enough, as time goes on, a transformation starts to become apparent. No longer feeling trapped, despair is replaced by hope, feeling stuck is replaced by feeling rejuvenated. Getting to pain-free intercourse doesn’t make you fly, but it can feel like you now have the wings to do so. Many patients get emotional when getting to this point- sometimes I get emotional too- because the ability to fly often exceeds not just sexuality functioning, but life in general.
Vaginismus information and support tends to live on the Internet. For a woman with vaginismus, there can be years of hiding out, searching for an answer, until she finds the right help. I often wish that it wasn’t way; that vaginismus was more known and understood, that it wasn’t so dark for sufferers. But there can be a light at the end of the tunnel: Today, there are effective treatments for vaginismus and it doesn’t have to mean living a life of detachment and loneliness. Transformation can happen, you don’t need to be stuck in the cocoon forever, and one day, you can have wings to fly.
For more info and support on vaginismus, see our Vaginismus Forum.
