My esteemed colleague, Paul Nelson, recently shared on Tik Tok what some men think about when they are mid-copulation. He described this particular and not uncommon thought process as one that is indicative of a whole lot of presence. No, I’m not talking about girth; what I mean is that the dudes are showing up during sex both physically and mentally.
Paul explained that these are popular refrains he hears from his patients at Maze. So now it’s our turn to share with you what we often hear from our clients on the Women’s Center side.
A few caveats – we’re talking about individuals who identify as cis straight women having heterosexual sex with men. And of course, since no two people nor sexual encounters are the same, this is just a sampling. But if any of the following resonates with you, it’s easy to see you’re not alone.
- Some women are super present, can block out the world, and make every pleasurable minute count.
- Some women are worried about making noise and being heard by children, neighbors, parents, etc.
- Some women experience pelvic pain and just want their partner to hurry up and finish.
- Some women are frustrated that they’re not even close to orgasm (because they don’t know that only 30% of all women can climax from penetration alone).
- Some women are planning for the next day, rattling off their grocery lists or worried about the dishes that still need to be washed.
- Some women totally dissociate and purposefully distract themselves until it’s all over.
- Some women are so consumed with body dysmorphia that they can’t enjoy themselves, despite the protests of their partners
- Some women think about how bored they are because they’ve been having sex in the same position with the same partner for what seems like a million years.
- Some women fantasize about a wide variety of other people, places and things.
If you’re not fully present at least most of the time during sex, it may be time to seek professional guidance. Our intake counselors are happy to help you find the right support, so why not try our free 10-minute consult? Mindfulness can significantly increase satisfaction levels of sexual experiences, and we can help you get there.