[cherryblossom123]

Alice14!

I am SO delighted to read your post, well done 🙂 I had my treatment on the same day as you. I know I took your email addresses but I have since gotten a new phone and laptop and they have gotten lost somewhere 🙁

I would love to get in contact with you somehow!! And the other lady who shared the special day with us, ‘Hanna’!

Please leave a post here if you would like to get in touch (trying to figure out a way of getting my contact details to you without posting them on here !)

xxx

[cherryblossom123]

Hanna, so good to hear you are doing so well!! 🙂 The cold sounds awful though – we are having an unusually warm summer in Ireland for once!!! 🙂 Mum and I had a fab time too – Boston was amazing 🙂 Can’t wait to see the photo! It seems like so long ago but it was only last month :O Life has changed so much 🙂

hereisnowhy, thank you so much, I’m delighted you enjoyed reading it. I found it very therapeutic to write it all out 🙂 Today and yesterday were my first time ever using tampons and I am getting used to them already! Sometimes I find they do not go in far enough, so I just use the smallest silicone dilator to push it up that bit further…I’m sure after a while it will come much easier 🙂 If you are dilating to a #6 then it seems like having sex is just a tiny step away! 😀 Sometimes I feel a bit fed up because I’m not in a committed relationship at the moment and can’t ‘practice’ sex regularly, but I think everything happens for a reason so I try not to dwell on it 😀 I hope everything works out wonderfully for you! 🙂

xxx

[cherryblossom123]

Hi KatieG07! Thank you so much 🙂 That is fantastic, what great progress! I have no doubt you will have every success in making that baby 😉

It sounds silly but I’m actually so excited to use tampons so I’m actually looking forward to my period!! Strange right?!! 😀 I am a complete neat freak and I DESPISE using pads. I hate the feel of them, the look of them – it’s been like wearing nappies! Tampons seem so much more convenient and hygienic! 😀

xx

[cherryblossom123]

Hi girls!

It’s great to read about women who are of in and around my age that have lived with this too. I had my procedure on 2 June and it has changed my life! I posted my story under ‘Success Stories 2’ 🙂 I am in my final year of college and am living in a house for the summer with six other people! So it is hard to get privacy and comfort when dilating. Luckily, I live only a ninety minute drive from my home town, so when I go home at weekends I can dilate in peace.

In the house with the girls, I have a key for my door so I can lock it, and I keep all my dilators, lubes and any other personal items in a little bag under my bed. I put a little travel lock on this too. It gives me peace of mind that I can keep this part of my life private! However, one night I was lying on my bed with a dilator in and my friend came in and jumped on top of me – the dilator nearly shot straight out!!! 😀

For recording my dilation I simply keep note on my phone: G4 P2 A1 9hours. I know that this means I used the glass four inch dilator, my pain and anxiety scores and for how long. If anyone ever looked through my phone or it was stolen, no one would have any idea what I’m writing about.

These measures may seem a bit extreme, but it gives me peace of mind and privacy which I really value 🙂 It lets me relax and enjoy living with my friends 🙂

Kisses x

[cherryblossom123]

Thank you so much Hanna and Dr.Pacik! 🙂

I am very lucky and grateful to have found this amazing solution at a young age! 🙂 So excited for the future! Mum says to say hi to you and hubby and that she often thinks of you, and hopes you are doing great! I think she feels like a mother hen to all 5 of us that met in June! 😀

xxx

[cherryblossom123]

Hi everyone!

I would like to say that the Lelo Liv is officially my new best friend!!! Honestly, it is amazing – comfortable and it feels incredible. I am a singleton and so I use it solo – it really helped me to get used to receiving pleasure through penetration, rather than just clitoral stimulation. It is worth every cent – all my friends want one after hearing about mine! 😀

A fabulous investment, I would 100% recommend it!

Enjoy! 😉 x

[cherryblossom123]

Hello everyone! 🙂

I had my procedure on 2 June 2014, and I would love to share my story. I know there are so many on here, but if mine helps even one person who is living with this, I will be over the moon! This is my first time pouring my heart out, and I hope you enjoy reading it!

From quite a young age (approx 15), I became aware that I was ‘different’. It started, as it often does, with a tampon! I could not insert one – I went through countless packets trying, and would cry after every failed attempt. My boyfriend could not even penetrate me with a finger, so sex was off the table. I desperately tried to allow him in, but would end up in tears due to the pain. I went through various relationships since then (I am 22).

Whether I was single or involved with someone, I had a constant feeling that there was a huge gap in my life. I felt abnormal – like a ‘freak’. I felt that my body hated me and would always work against me. I felt that God did not like me, and that I did not deserve to experience such special things as sex and childbirth. I felt that this was simply my burden to bear – some people get cancer, some get into accidents, some are born into disadvantaged backgrounds, some people can’t see or hear – my burden was that I could never have sex or have children. I learned to block it out, and in some way accept that I could never be a mother or an intimate partner. It is difficult to describe these feelings so matter of factly, because I don’t think I can ever put into words the pain, self-hatred, loneliness, depression, anxiety and deep, deep sadness I felt over the years at such a young and vulnerable age. I felt I was all alone in the world, and I did not really serve a purpose. I was heartbroken and confused.

Anyone that I did talk to about it either did not understand, or said it would ‘pass’ as I got older. A doctor tried to show me where my vagina was located exactly, but ended up hurting me. Psychotherapists tried to teach me to let go and take control of my body through talk therapy. I ordered dilators – I tried almost everything you can think of, and it was ultimately a waste of time and money. However, the one thing I did gain from this process was the things I learned about myself during psychotherapy. I talked through how hard it was to grow up in a household where my mum seemed to hate my dad, and where I never witnessed as much as a hug or kind word exchanged between them. I learned that my boyfriends had been controlling and a very negative influence on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I learned that experiencing things such as my mum battling cancer, my brother battling depression and my parents separation all contributed to the self-blame I had been turning inwards on myself for years. But most of all, I learned that I was stronger and wiser than I had ever imagined, and that my life was worth living.

I’ve always said that the one thing I 100% believe in is karma – everything comes full circle, either in this life or the next. In early 2014, my boyfriend had decided to leave to go and work in abroad. This man had been manipulative, nasty, disloyal, controlling, a bully, and physically abusive. I was beaten up badly twice and often threatened. I was terrified of him but yet I was absolutely mad about him – I can see now that I had a fear of being alone and was not strong enough to leave. Thankfully, he made the decision to leave. I can now honestly say that this was the best thing that could have happened to me, and I am so grateful he walked out of my life. It was at this point that something changed inside me – I wasn’t going to ever go back to him again. I was going to love and respect myself, sex or no sex, no matter what. The night before he was due to leave, I googled ‘vaginismus’ treatment as I had done 1000 times before – and there was Dr.Pacik! I read the site, and could not believe what I was reading.The next morning, I thought I had dreamt it – that is not an exaggeration, I literally thought I had dreamt it.

I am very lucky to have an amazing, supportive mother, who took out loans with me to finance the treatment. She held my hand the whole way through, and ultimately changed my life. I owe everything to her. I also spoke to one of Dr.Pacik’s former patients (also from Ireland) which was a huge comfort prior to treatment. I would be more than happy to go through my experience of the treatment step by step with anyone reading this, but basically I am going to condense it; Dr.Pacik and his team are absolutely incredible. The level of care, support, patience, understanding and competence is absolutely amazing. It was like a dream come true. The procedure was virtually painless (just a little needle!). It was surreal, emotional, and empowering – the first day of the rest of my life! In fact, I am in the process of designing a little tattoo to symbolise the day 🙂 I wish I could express how wonderful Dr.Pacik and the team are – in my opinion they should all be named saints!!! 🙂

Every cent, every plane ride, car journey and bus was worth it – there is no doubt that this is the CURE. This is what you are looking for – do not look any further for a solution to your vaginismus. Prior to treatment, literally nothing had ever been inside me. In fact, if I didn’t have a period, I would barely believe I even had a vagina. Now, I am dilating regularly and successfully. It is surreal and so amazing to have control over my body. I feel complete and truly happy. I had successful intercourse on Sunday – my 22nd birthday!!! 🙂 I was walking on clouds for the day. I am no longer going to hate or fear my body – I will love, cherish and protect it, just like it should be cared for! The thought that I will one day (fingers crossed) have babies makes my heart literally swell with happiness and gratitude – and I owe it all to this outstanding team of people at 57 Bay Street! <3

The one thing that I would like to point out to women that will be having the procedure in the future is that although it is a life-changing, fantastic, invaluable experience, sometimes you may have inklings of self-doubt. For the first 2 weeks after treatment, a little voice in my head was saying; “Do you deserve this?” “Is this too good to be true?” “Will you be the one person who regresses and go back to square one?”. All I can say is do NOT listen to these thoughts! It is natural to feel overwhelmed and uncertain – it is a huge physical and psychological change you are experiencing. I remember telling my mum that I felt like I had been given the cure to a long-term illness – it was an unreal feeling. The ‘why me?’ feeling. But then I realised – that is exactly what had happened! I was cured! And why wouldn’t I deserve it, had I not suffered long enough?! You ARE worth it, you are 100% worth it. Your body is your own, and no one can ever take that from you. Stay strong and positive, and remember to love yourself through every step of the way. <3

Sometimes I hear myself talking, and also on reading through what I have written, and this thought crosses my mind; I sound so old and wise and serious for a fun-loving, single 22 year old girl! If any of my friends knew the full extent to how low I have felt and the dark places i have gone to, I doubt they would believe me for a second. But that is the nature of vaginismus; suffering in silence. This condition stunted my growth as a woman and a person for so long, that I really want to shout my story from the rooftops to all of you. Each story is so unique and filled with emotion, and I wanted to translate that, rather than the ins and outs of the condition itself (which I am sure you are all familiar with). I have come so far from the sad, scared and helpless 15 year old girl that I was. I feel like my life has truly transformed and I have blossomed as an individual. I would love to help anyone who would like to chat about anything at all regarding this condition.

Sending so much love and hope your way girls. Remember, you are not broken. You are not a freak. You are beautiful and strong and lovable. it is YOUR life, and you are so, so worth it!

x

[cherryblossom123]

Hi everyone!

I had my procrdure done two days ago, and I feel on top of the world! 🙂

Dr.Pacik and the staff are amazing and so supportive, it was the best care I ahve ever recieved in my life. My mum was with me for the whole thing which was great! I can’t believe I am now inserting dilators and my body is actually working WITH me, not against me as I previously felt. It was a nerve-wracking and emotional experience, but 1000000% worth it.

There is truly NOTHING to worry about for those of you with upcoming procedures. I can’t stress enough that everything is done at a comfortable pace and you will feel fantastic and so proud of yourselves.

Please get in touch, I would be happy to chat to anyone who wants to.

Best of luck, not that you will need it!! 🙂

Kisses, Grace x

[cherryblossom123]

So nervous now !!

[cherryblossom123]

Thank you for the nice messages! I am flying form Ireland tomorrow and am getting SO nervous! I am so excited but terrified too…really looking forward to meeting you ladies! (Hanna and Alice I think?) 🙂 It will be great to have other women getting it done on the same day! Grace xx

[cherryblossom123]

Hi everyone!

I am 21 years old, and travelling from Ireland to get the procedure done on 2 June 2014. I am SO excited!!! I have never been to America, and I’m praying that this will be the life-changing event I want it to be!!!

Alice and Hanna, so good to see I won’t be the only woman treated that day!

Please get in touch!
Grace x

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