[Theresa]

I think the whole “bigger is better” idea is rubbish. I agree a large penis might be hot to look at, but I’ve heard from some of my friends having sex with a well endowed partner can be difficult to say the least (and they don’t even have vaginismus). So I’m glad for you you found a partner with the right size 🙂

[Theresa]

As I wrote in the original thread, this works SUPER for us too. My partner always had difficulties talking about intimate stuff and he had a hard time communicating about his sexual needs, and this technique helps a lot with that.

[Theresa]

I think this is something ALL vaginismus patients are struggling with. When you have vaginismus and you can’t have sex due to this, internal exams will be painful (or even impossible) too. Some gyns offer to do the exam with a smaller speculum, or they let you insert the speculum at your own pace, but IMHO that doesn’t help much. The only thing that could possibly help is therapy. Did you consider that?

[Theresa]

I’ve written a follow up on this in the general group.

[Theresa]

My therapist always said “the more the better”, so that’s the reason I started dilating twice daily, and I really think it helped.

[Theresa]

@recessivegenequeen I’m in a similar situation as Kia and I’ve noticed when I have an orgasm in the evening, that STILL has an effect on my exercises in the morning. I’ve also found out that it’s not as easy anymore to get to the level of excitement I need in order to be relaxed enough to insert my dilator. In my case, I’ve tried everything I could think of but having an orgasm always has a negative impact on the dilation process.

@kiadenmark I had this too and the feeling goes away after a few weeks. I can now approach an orgasm several times a day and not have that weird feeling in my stomach anymore. If it really bothers you, you could give yourself an orgasm but that will have an impact on your next training sessions. I’ve also read here that not doing the exercises for a few days can give you a backlash…

[Theresa]

I ab-so-lu-te-ly agree with what your therapist told you. Mutual masturbation is something we did in the beginning as well, but as you wrote, after a few months or years there were occasions on which my husband was in the mood and I wasn’t and I asked him to wait until the next day. By that time, he already solved the problem by himself. 🙂 So he gradually started doing it more and more on his own, and asked me less and less to help him out. Exit the last sexual intimacy that was left between us.

So when I started my therapy, I was given a brochure and one of the tips inside was to stop masturbating COMPLETELY and basically force your partner to tell him he was in the mood. Either I could help him out, or when I really didn’t feel up to that, he started masturbating in my presence. Sometimes I just let him do his thing, sometimes I “helped” him with kisses, cuddles, and I even sometimes got turned on anyway and took over from him.

Similarly to what you wrote, our communication on sex is now even better than before. My husband didn’t masturbate in private for over 10 months now, but we feel closer than ever.

[Author]

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